General Chat

Have your wits about you.

Having just added a suggestion about thinking about who you give personal details to on another thread, "someone" decided to rr my comments, which in a nutshell just said to be careful what sort of information you give out about yourself.

For someone to rr my comments makes me wonder if the sort of person I was talking about, rr'd it, because what decent person would take offence at looking out for another persons safety?

So just be careful what you say about yourself, as to where you actually live, if you live alone, if your lonely, and not to give out any passwords for anything.

If you take offence at the comments, then take a look at yourself, I've added them because I'd hate to see anyone taken for a ride.

reposting what I added on the other thread, with a little bit of editing.

I think it safe to say that there are many genuine posters on here who are exactly what they seem to be, but it is always well to err on the side of caution on the internet, especially if you take it off the open board so to speak ...for example I once joined an internet pen-pal site and was 'surprised' that so many people suddenly acquired my email addy ( not my usual one) and wished to share their millions with me if only I could give them my bank details in order to pay it in

and of course there is always the danger of the serial philanderer ( they come in both genders) and are all too plausible ( trust me I know!).

Advice to anyone is look closely at the type of posts someone makes over a good period of time, and the interactions between them and other members, and you 'usually' get an idea of who is likely to be a straightforward and genuine friend.

But as with all friendships, let it grow slowly and never, never, never, ever ( lol) give them any details that could lose you money, your home, or your heart, or your sanity , or that you certainly wouldn't want your 'worst enemy' to know ! ;-)

We are so sensible Rose aren't we :-D

Thanks to GR, my comment on the other thread has been reinstated, all is well on planet earth :-D

Hard won sense in my case Lynda :-|

Well, a couple who made me feel very unsafe have left/are leaving. Wish I had had some advice from Lynda and Joy in early days (18 months ago). Perhaps I did, and ignored advice because I thought no-one could upset me. Well, one or two really did. And good riddance to them.

Not many years ago, family historians happily used real names and swapped all sorts of personal details. What sort of people is our hobby attracting these days :-( :-0

John I don't think that this hobby is attracting the wrong sort of people as such, it's more that the 'wrong sort of people' look for boards which are 'comfortable' ie on which you can reasonably expect to find a certain type of person to exploit if that is your intent.

eg Family history attracts perhaps older people ( less savvy or new to the internet in some cases), people who have enough time on their hands to be , in some cases, lonely ( missing grown up family or work and are therefore perhaps more trusting of a 'friendly approach'?).

The good AND bad thing about genealogy sites is that many of us on them are pretty good at research ( and have developed good memories also) , which makes it easier to find out about other members, most use that info responsibly...some use it to their own ends.

Thanks Rose.

I did a lot of genealogy research in the 80's - on and off computer. Never gave security a second thought. No shredders that I can remember. So very many nice people to help mutually.

And when I was building my big tree and helping others and they were helping me, almost everyone on Genes was really nice.

Came on chat 17 months ago (for first time ever) cos it looked quite fun and to complain about new tree. And then the heavens opened. And I have never felt I was offensive or hateful about anyone.

People were checking me on electoral register, sending private messages around that have never been shared with me, describing one of my houses, for example. It was probably the most horrible experience of my 67 years. I would know how to deal with it now. But it really set my health back for a few months - absolutely and totally unnecessary violation of my privacy. So, yes, very good riddance to those who thought they were clever. Sincerely hope it never happens to you.

John , at least no one has ever called you "The AntiChrist" ;-)

Things have certainly changed with the internet, I'm sure there have always been the scammers, who prey on the vulnerable, but now there are more of them, those who look out for people who say they are lonely, or those who don't say it, but imply it, then there are people who say they are lonely, upset, sad etc, to pull in the kind sympathetic folk, and before you know it, they've been fleeced, violated or just plain conned out of there possessions, and been taken advantage of.

There's also the ones who feign illness, or say they are doing something for charity, but forget to mention it's there own charity, seen it happen before my eyes, have warned the preyed on person, they ignored it, then have been fleeced, it's frightening to how blinkered some people are.

Just because someone asks for friendship, money, your password to whatever, to "help you out" really doesn't mean that person is a good one. If a stranger stopped you in the street and asked for money, your password, or where you lived, you wouldn't tell them, think of the internet as a stranger asking you details, you have no idea if "Mary from Gateshead" is really "Joseph from Brighton"

Think before you give out your details, although not everyone is a wolf in sheep's clothing, some are, please beware of these people for your own sake.

Lynda. You suck me in with all your common sense and good advice.

I have felt a bit sad today. So I have just danced round the living room, as per avatar. And have pulled a muscle (to be honest, didn't realise I had any left) :-( :-( :-(

I'm daft as a brush most of the time John, but common sense I have, and am quite good at sussing out a bad 'un, I think I must have lots of the suss Gene :-D

its such a shame people rip others off
do they have no shame


it makes me sad to see people conned :-( :-(

One thing that I think is different with GR these days is that FR and its spin-off site Connections have either changed dramatically or disappeared (Connections).


I used to post far more often on FR and then on GR Chat from 2004 to about 2007 ........ and there were lots of these uncomfortable people on there, especially on Connections

Part (if not all) of the reason was that Connections was set up to be a chat site with both threads and chat rooms. It was free. People were initially dissuaded from using their real names ............. aliases were expected.

That changed a little when FR tried to force the people who used the chat boards on there onto Connections .............. most of us refused to use aliases, and they did change their policy.

But the wums, the trolls, the seekers of the lonely were already on there, and others joined.

There were even ones who took out 2 or 3 memberships ........ why not, it was free!

There would be the "nice" one, the "seeker" and the "troll"

Very hard to identify when they would have different membership numbers!



But one did quickly learn to be careful about how much information to let out.


The loss of those 2 sites has meant that the chat thread on GR seems to have become more attractive to some ..................... especially as so many of us are seniors, often lonely, and looking for friendship.


I'm still amazed at the number of people on GR who use real names for their spouse, children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren

AND who use photos for children as their avatars.


Extremely unsafe, IMHO


One has to be really really careful .............................

and don't forget, the "victim" may sometimes be to blame for not being careful enough, either in the amount of information they release, or in not being as wary as they might be with a new-found "friend".



sylvia

Hopefully, those who rip off others eventually get caught Joy, that's the good bit :-D

Maybe you're right Sylvia, sometimes the "victim" isn't wary enough, maybe just too nice, unfortunately in this world we should always have our wits about us :-D

I do hope so Lynda :-D

I agree with everything that has been written here, and like you SilvainCanada I am amazed at how many people put out theirs and their families names, where they live, what sort of car they drive, hospital appointments,(name of hospital AND ailment)!! holiday arrangements, husbands careers, you name it an it's there for the world (literally as anybody can get onto the site) to see - crazy or what?!

In the real world, as on here, most people are honest, kind, genuine and open with those we come into contact with.

There is a tiny minority who have no other agenda but to take advantage of us, they live in a twilight Walter Mitty world where they present a false front, but sooner or later, their real selves show through and they cause real alarm, upset or fear to their victims.

What gets my goat is that the tiny minority, in the real world or on here, often get away with a slapped wrist, or no punishment at all and are free to blatantly go about their smutty way in full view of their victims.

But hey ho

:-D :-D :-D

They will Joy, they will :-D

Magpie, the shame of it is, when, for instance this site first started, a lot of people said a lot about themselves, well it's a genealogy site, and by saying our names, where we were born etc, who knows we may have found a relative, which a lot of us did, unfortunately there were those, who obviously didn't get out a lot, took details, to use "at a later date" I wondered what it was they were lacking to bother to do that? now I know, it was friends and a life, poor things :-D

I look on here, and when I log off I don't remember most of what I've read, let alone where someone comes from, obviously the dodgy mob, take notes and refer to them often, apparently that's what you do when you've got nothing else, personally I prefer the real world, as most of us do on here :-D

You're not only a good cook now Kitty, you speak a lot of sense :-D

Awwww......thanks Lynda :-D <3