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a family in turmoil

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 14:34

Wonder if you kind peeps could help
My son is getting married next year in his girlfriends town 40 miles away ...no problem so far

We the grooms family know nothing .......we know the date and the reception that is it!!!????

We have tried to get a meeting with the girlfriend and son she refused to talk about it sat looking at the floor ....he cant say coz she wont speak!
She has her dress found out on facebook!
We dont know if we need to pay anything we have had no questions asked for our rellies to come no numbers NOT a sausage

What do we do?

Thank you

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 6 Apr 2014 14:35

What is her problem would be my question to my son

If she wont talk then she wont be expecting his parents to pay anything surely ?

If your son doesnt have a say in the wedding plans then it doesnt look good for his long term relationship

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 14:37

Ask that !!! got told they arent doing anything til 6 months before !

We also told him his sister has possible exams that week of his wedding which is a friday

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 14:43

Totally agree with every word you have said and the conclusion you have come to !!

Totally lost as what to do

My daughter is ment to be brides maid she is at uni and short on time ...and works ect ,,......so tried to get a dress over the last week as she was on hoilday but cant even get a colour

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 6 Apr 2014 14:45

So maybe a year plus in advance they havent decided on the nitty gritty of the event .

They may well find 6months before the wedding is too late to book things .

Leave em too it is my gut reaction

BarbinSGlos

BarbinSGlos Report 6 Apr 2014 14:45

Are they a young couple and their first marriage ?

I would play her at her own game , for now, and sit it out for a while.

You know the date and where the reception is to be held.

I wouldn't offer to help with finances at this stage either as they have said they aren't doing anything till at least the end of this year..

Merlin

Merlin Report 6 Apr 2014 14:49

Perhaps in this situation you should write your son and his future Bride what the problem is?i/e why are you being left in the dark over this,arrangements have to be made and if needed, you would like to give help(Financial etc) meybe they will then tell you,if not , just leave them to it.**M**.

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 14:51

They are two very intelligent people .....and first marriage yes

Like you say 6 months is to tight when we are looking at 6 suits for men different sizes and shapes !!

They are getting married on her mummy and daddys wedding annerversary!

And my 3 other grown up children are saying dont offer any money leave them to it

Thats not easy! :-(

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 14:54

We think the problem is her mother ...she is far to close to her mummy and this will distroy my sons and her marriage as my son will feel pushed out in the end


We as a family decided to stay at the hotel of the reception the night before the wedding but the bride didnt like that she wants my son to be at their home( not yet brought) on his own

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 6 Apr 2014 15:00

Well they are being really naive if they think they can book good wedding venues 6 months in advance, Good venues sometimes are booked 2 years in advance .

But I would say leave em too it .dont stress yourself out with worrying .they will find out the hard way .

Dont offer anything either either monetary or advice . Just be sure your son knows his sisters prior commitments for that weekend

Merlin

Merlin Report 6 Apr 2014 15:03

Surely your Son has got a mind of his own,If she wants this before they are wed and he agrees, Their future looks bleak .**M**. :-( Seems to me its all about what she wants and nothing or no one else counts.

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 15:03

Thank you ...you advice seems cruel but its what my other children are saying so I have to say the cruel feels are because I,m the mum and need to "man up" and sit back and watch

Thanks I dont feel so bad now

Island

Island Report 6 Apr 2014 15:04

Cut her some slack.

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 15:06

Merlin ......my other 3 are saying the same

Yes my son has a brain ......stuffed with love I guess coz this isnt him

We have food intollerance in our family and I cant eat OIL but its roast dinner for reception I know that coz I asked the venue......not even a veggie option

KempinaPartyhat

KempinaPartyhat Report 6 Apr 2014 15:07

Island ...............Why?


Popping out to get milk ........will check back in 15

Thank you

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 6 Apr 2014 15:12

Playing Devil's advocate here - perhaps your son's fianceé has very little to do with the marriage arrangements!!
She's 'very close to her mummy', so perhaps mummy's arranging it all and telling her daughter 'not to bother herself' with the arrangements.

I know a young couple, the daughter's parents had divorced, mother had the money. She arranged everything - even to NOT inviting any of her daughter's father's family to the wedding, excluding a lot of the grooms family and inviting her (the mothers) FRIENDS.
The girl was very upset. I suggested she and the groom cut their losses and got married quietly. The girl, however went ahead with the charade.

Kemp, I'm not saying this is what is happening to your son's fiancée, but it may be worth while writing a chatty letter to her parents, not offering money, just asking if there's anything you can do.

wisechild

wisechild Report 6 Apr 2014 15:21

When my older daughter got married 18 months ago, she mentioned it to me in passing in a phone call & informed me that my OH & I were not invited because her father & his wife were going & she didn´t want an "atmosphere".
When I pointed out that we had been divorced for 20 years & were both re married, so as 2 intelligent adults, we weren´t likely to start a fight at her wedding, she screamed down the phone that I was selfish & it was her day, so she would invite who she liked.
We haven´t spoken since.

AnninGlos

AnninGlos Report 6 Apr 2014 15:27

I think all you can do is let your son know that you are willing to help if necessary (as Maggie says you could also write to her Mother). Say you will need to know the dress code if you feel that you don't. I think it used to be that the grooms family paid for taxis and flowers but I don't think the old ways hold any more. Often young couples seem to pay for themselves.

Our second Grandson is getting married in October. they didn't book anything until january this year and had no problem finding a venue. But it sounds as if your son and his fiancee have the venue.

I would suggest if there are no options given, and there usually are, for food intolerance or vegetarians etc then you will need to contact the hotel just before and point out what intolerances you have. Hotels are used to this and it would be very bad manners if alternatives were not offered by the bride's mother. And the hotel won't want anyone taken ill on their premises.

Kay????

Kay???? Report 6 Apr 2014 15:39

At this stage its over a year to go,,,,,,,,,the grooms family do very little at this time,,,,,,the main things are booked,,,

wedding date and reception venue,,,


the bride will make most of the decisions,,,,,and as of yet hasnt decided what colour for any bridesmaids, and how many ,,,,bridemaids dont usually choose their own style of dress ,,,,,,,type of suits for ushers etc.,are they buying their own,if hiring then its the grooms privedge to pay the costs......

Its the groom place to assemle,the bestman.ushers and any pageboys.....

The bride and her family possibly have plans to stay in the hotel overnight,,,,,so think about one within distance,,,,,,,,,the the job of main or matron bridesmaid is to take charge of the others,so her place is with the bride,,

No good making waves at this early stage it wil cause bad feelings..you are predicting problems thats over a year away,,,,,,

all wedding venues if they are their worth, cater for veggis and will go out of their way for special diets,,,,its up to the couple to draw up a llst of everyone choice nearer the time and give it to the caterers..... good wedding venues usaully have a 3 choice menu for sit down wedding party meals.



Dawnieher3headaches

Dawnieher3headaches Report 6 Apr 2014 15:58

Lissy is getting married in October and we didnt book anything til Feb invites still not gone out as still over 6 months away. Im putting on ivites about special diet so maybe they will do same as you dont know til numbers come in how many will need something different.

When we went to book church which is in popular area they didnt have many booked in for this year not sure if that is a national thing and more and more having ceremonies at the venues or just round here.

You have over a year to go so just sit back and relax for now a lot can happen in that time and they may come running to you later on asking for your input if not just turn up and enjoy the day whatever you think of her.

d x