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For amusement only. By the new Caz nr. Heathrow &

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:12

Wait for it.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:15

English to be only Official EU Language? The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than german, which was the other possibilty. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become knopwn as Euro-English. In the first year, s will replace the soft c. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard c will be dropped in favour of k. This should klear up confusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing public enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome ph will be replaced with f. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the third year, public akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible. Governments will encourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent e in the language is digrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing th with z and w with v. During ze fitz yer, ze unesesary o kan be dropd from vords containing ou and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. NB: If zis mad you smil pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:24

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is too tired.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:27

A will is a dead giveaway.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:30

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:32

A backward poet writes inverse.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 17:34

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism , it's your Count that votes.

Angela now in Wilts (not North Devon)

Angela now in Wilts (not North Devon) Report 28 Nov 2006 18:19

Hi PF, Seen something similar before :-)) (do you think it was the civil service pensioner bit that put folk off??) Angela

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 20:02

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 20:13

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 20:19

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 20:29

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 20:48

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 21:00

The guy who fell into an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 22:37

You are vstuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 28 Nov 2006 22:48

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 28 Nov 2006 23:13

You are really '' ONSONG'' tonight, matey..... Bob

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 29 Nov 2006 14:18

A calendar's days are numbered.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 30 Nov 2006 10:52

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and it 'taint mine.

Pilgrim Father

Pilgrim Father Report 30 Nov 2006 19:10

A boiled egg is hard to beat.