General Chat

Our resort is set on Reunited Island, part of the Friendly Islands in the South Pacific. The main building is a tastefully restored and extended Colonial mansion. Here you will find our reception area with its beautiful green ferns and fountain of pink champagne, our 5 star restaurant refurbished in Art Deco style, our cabaret bar, reminiscent of an intimate Parisian bar and our Las Vegas-style casino. The extension at the rear of the mansion house our gym, indoor pool, sauna, Jacuzzi, beauty and hairdressing salons and a few exclusive boutiques. On the first floor of the mansion are our offices and medical facilities, including the nurse’s bijou flat, and the Resort Doctor’s luxurious Apartment. On the third floor are the flats belonging to management staff – the Entertainment Director, Housekeeper, Head of Security and Customer Service manager. On the top floor is the luxurious apartment of our Head of General Administration and a private dining room for entertaining VIP guests. On the top of the building a helipad used to ferry our VIP guests. Behind the main building is a large outdoor pool with bar and bistro café. From here is a spectacular view of the extinct volcano which dominates the island. Waterfalls tumble down into the lush green vegetation at its base and here is also a secluded lagoon. To the right of the volcano is a golf course with club house. Here is also the base for those who wish to enjoy our camping and hiking trips into the wild and untouched area of the island. To the left are the menagerie and stables with accommodation for the grooms and animal carers. Behind the menageries are tennis courts and croquet lawns. The majority of guests will be housed in linked cabins forming four blocks to the front and side of the mansion. Each block will have its own salt water pool and barbecue area. They are screened by the beautiful trees and tropical flowers which abound on the island. Each chalet sleeps four and has private facilities and a small kitchen for guests who want to cook for themselves. There are golf carts available for guests who do not wish to walk far. VIP guests will be housed in one of two private log cabins screened from prying eyes by palm trees and flowering shrubs. Each cabin has its own pool and spa bath A winding path leads down from the hotel through the gardens to the beach. The silver unspoiled sands stretch for miles to the left. To the right is the base for those who wish to enjoy our sailing and diving facilities and a jetty. The majority of guests will arrive by private launch from one of the larger islands. *********************************************** Dorothy G... Head of General Administrations. Mommylonglegs...Head of Personel/Medical Administrations. Guinevere...Head of Entertainment/Sports and Gym. David Beard... Head of Security. Jean in Washington...Head Housekeeper. Lindy in the Algarve... Head Cook. Joanne Reeder...Head of Beauty. BSC. Margaret Thomas... Head Gardener. David Bennet...Head of General Maintinance. Joanne (Bumpy )Prior.... Head Bar Manager. Our staff currently consists of the following:-Sassy...Assistant Cook. Camberwell Beauty... Fifi the French Maid. Buttercup Fields...formerly snake woman now mistress of disguise and still no proper job contortioning seeming not to be her thing and certainly not sumo wrestling. Deanna... Hairdresser. Claire in Cov....Customer Service Manager. Bev from Bridgy...Head Nurse. Helen Bell....Receptionist. Elaine in Reading...Bar person… Bec....Casino Manager. Dawnie... Nail technician and beauty therapist. Helen in Kent .... Zoo Keeper. Daisy....Bar Person. If she keeps up the good work, possibly Ass. Bar Manager. Sally Roff...??

Has anyone seen me ping pong balls?

Last seen Boris was trying to hatch them out!!!

I would like to apply for the job of Assistant Security Guard

Ady. Do you have any experience in this field? Of course, I shall have to consult with our Head of Security before we can definatley allow you to join us.

Hi Sue here, I was wondering if it's too early to book yet? It's my 40th in April and hubby wants to take me away for the weekend (no kids!!) Would you be able to send me a brochure of your fine establishment with any discounts available?? Do you also accept Mastercard/Visa?? Sue xx

Sitting in bar and sipping a nice long cold glass of white wine. What on earth is that rumour that Boris has eaten someone. He's been under those ferns all day sitting on what looks like a pile of ping pong balls. Maybe another croc has escaped from the zoo, Ive never seen anyone over there feeding the animals or looking after them. Honestly give a croc a bad name. Maggie

Hi Sue, I shall put you in touch with the relevant Department. I am sure we can accomodate you for your Birthday Celebrations. yes we do take all Major credit cards. Dr. Longlegs. MD. ME.

*Fat lady cook YAWNS!! loudly and mutters to herself* My neck..I must have dozed off.. I ache all over.. * She sees Boris under another fern juggling white balls with his snout * How did you unlock your chain?, It must have been that weird looking guy who is always hovering about! Come along lets go and see what we can find for your dinner......

URGENT MEMO. To, The Head Housekeeper. From, Dr. Longlegs. Md.Me. Starting from Monday 28th February 1905. All of your Household staff are expected to report to my surgery for General Medical. Twenty four hours (24) prior to this examination, you should take a bath or shower. Under ANY circumstances, there should be no sexual activities. No alcohol to be taken, only soft drinks. You may eat until 12 hours before the examination. Thank you. Dr. Longlegs. MD. ME.

oh yes please, cocktails yum, surprise me with a nice exotic one. Maggie

Boris! Where u going!,...No! not the kitchen. Elaine and Aunty Maggie have gone into the bar lets... join them for a nightcap shall we...

Good Evening ladies. I see you are taking a break. May I join you?

Oooh heck its that doctor lady. Er sure miss, er marm, er doc, no prob Elaine is very good with the old cocktails. Maggie

Hello Dr. Legs, Maggie, Elaine no cocktails for me, I never touch the stuff.... Just pour two fingers of scotch.. thanks.. Fat lady cook kicks off her shoes....

Sounds great, looking forward to it. Maggie

Elaine, Scotch on the rocks will be me fine than you!

Sorry Ladies, got called to the phone. Could I just have a double Gordon's Gin and a Fresh orange juice, no ice. No, dont pour the whole bottle in, just half, save the rest for next one.

Elaine, Thanks for the drink I shall just shuffle off to the kitchen and leave instructions for Sassy.. YOu have to keep both eyes on Boris as he wonders off on his own...

She has entertained Herman Finkelmeyer and his wife, Ellie-Mae to a sumptious dinner - though didn't know where the two boys, let alone te daughter, Dollie got to - made their own arrangements presumably. Ellie-mae seemed tohave difficulty opening her mouth wide enough to get a forkful of food in, so chopped her meat almost into mince, but managed the creamy deserts alright, because they were so covered in syrup she could have drunk them through a straw - extraordinary woman, looked liked she was sucking on bitter aloes all the time - not too easy to understand her when she spoke either - what with that deep Southern accent also - She had seen them off at the Ferry on to the Yacht, to return them to the Main Island, together with President Afi Rongo and his wife Taranga - such a lovely couple - so warm hearted and loving to each other.. . ... though he had been seen chatting animatedly to one or two chambermaids earlier - had even expressed a desire to return soon and spend a few days here, while his wife was visiting her relations. I hope Jean will arrange for her chambermaids to give his room especial attention when he returns - must keep in with the local dignitaries. Now - perhaps a quiet drink in the bar with some of the staff, and learn how they thought the day went. It seemed very successful, and I see we have some more Bookings coming in. Things are looking good!!