General Chat

In memory of Deanna and Caz

How many of us suffer with them?
It's seems reading Ann's thread we
should all come out and have a sort
of AA meeting xx

Thats brave of you Carol. Im on 2 Citalopram tablets a day for anxiety and depression, Im not as bad as some poor folk though, mine comes and goes, so there are some good days :-) Its tempting to stop taking them sometimes. Its surprising just how many people do suffer with anxiety, panic, and depression, til people start talking about it, its easy to feel quite alone.

Hey Romany same as me, 2x 20mg xx

Can I join you both in the Citalopram club? I take 2x20mg a day as well for depression. My depression is due to all my illnesses though, never had it before.

Caz

best thing is to talk openly about it - I've had clinical depression for about fifteen years - hit a real bad patch in 1996 when I tried to top myself with an overdose [massive] of Dothiepin. Woke up about two days later in the poisons unit!!! Thank goodness. It was then that I was diagnosed with clinical depression and medication changed to Effexor [Venlafaxine] I take one a day most days, but if I start feeling a little down I take two a day for a couple of days and I'm fine. Tried to come off them with G.P. help but failed and he told me then, don't worry if you have to take them for the rest of your life, no harm in it at all, so generally I am as happy as Larry - whoever he is!!

Hi there, me too, Citalopram 40mg a day. I have had depression since age 7 years, but I was in my 20's before I received any treatment for anxiety/ panic attacks. In my 40's I finally crashed from a devastating home incident, non-verbal for a week, and ended up in a psychiatrists office. I recall easily the panic when I found myself outside the door to his office, thinking "I've really hit bottom this time". It was also the best day as he helped me face the fact that this was an ongoing problem, that I had had a childhood depression which had been brushed off as "homesickness" after emigration from Wales, that I needed medication, and I had no reason to feel ashamed. Several times in the last 20 years I have stopped my meds, thinking I am fine now, but it's only a matter of a week or so before I am slipping down fast. I have finally come to terms that I need the medication, and as long as I am taking it, I am living a pretty normal life. I suppose I would have accepted it differently had the diagnosis been diabetes, it took a long time to recognize that taking meds is not a sign of weakness, rather a sign of strength - in admitting there is a problem, taking ownership of it, rather than letting it rule my life.
This is one of the reasons I have developed a medical family tree over the past 30 years, and it appears that depression is not isolated here, I remember paternal aunts who were morose, sad, never smiled, could not see the funny side of things. My mother was also treated for depression in the 50's.
I also use a SADD light (over my computer) which gives me 20 minutes of "sunshine" daily - a big help in the winter.
Don't feel alone, this is one of the "hidden" illnesses, but there are many more folks with it than will admit it. I was so ashamed at one point, now it's just part of who I am.
{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
Mary

I stopped taking anti depressants about 2 years ago after things picked up in my life, gradually n more so recently I'm feeling lower than ever, thinking about going back to see my GP but my OH doesn't think I NEED them. I've recently moved to another part of the country with 1 of my 4 daughters, I've managed to find a job n I have OH's parents around the corner but I'm missing my own family n familiar surroundings so much I feel so lonely even if I'm not alone....if that makes sense.
I have self harmed in the past as a cry for help n I'm affraid of doing it again as the thoughts are all to often present. Some days I feel ok, some days I just cry over nothing, some days I feel strong n on top of the world yet some days I feel flat, ill & think all sorts of depressing thoughts. I hate feeling like I do. My OH doesn't deserve the way I bring him down but he doesn't quite understand n thinks I have nothing to be down about, I now have a half decent life for the first time, have a good job n a nice house........that's so.....but doesn't change the way I feel inside.
I think 2 issues in my life have contributed to me feeling like I do, first is the feeling of 'self hate', I hate the way I am n the way I look, I don't see what others see when i look in a mirror & 2nd is I used to be an everyday user of cannabis. I have knocked the latter on the head with the help of my OH just after we met n am trying to deal with the 'self hate'.....it's hard putting on a happy smiley face everyday for others but I do....just wish I could smile on the inside more often....God knows I deserve to.

Sorry to go on but It's so good to get it out.....never done so to this extent before.

Julie:o)xxx

THE CITALOPRAM CLAN! :-))

come in sit down and join the club! I also have a problem that is running away with me at the side of deprsession, cure one the depression will get better although I don't think I'll ever be free of it xx

Jules, it makes no difference what you have, someone can live in a bedsit and be happy and content, or live in an 8 bedroom and be suicidal...as we see in celebrities sometimes. Please dont feel guilty, its chemicals in the brain and hormones that do it. But you're not alone!

I hate people who think we can "pull our socks up" do they think we want to feel like this. No , they don't know how it feels, or they wouldn't say what they do. But it just makes me feel more of a failure.

Jules you didn't go on at all, it is interesting to see how you feel and what you are doing to help yourself.

Mary how young you were. I'm sure you are right and talking about it is good there is no reason to feel as if it should be a secret no one is going to come take us away these days! xx

Dave/Anne....I will, I have promised to make myself an appointment for something else which is probably linked to feeling the way I am n I will tell the DR exactly how I'm feeling....I'm just scared of being told something I don't want to hear.

Thank you xxx

if anyone is feeling down and wants to talk any time, pm me and I'll give you my phone number and email - I'm a very good listener. I'm in constant touch now with one of our posters who put up a very poignant thread over Christmas and we email regularly - she needs a lot of support at the minute but she's getting there

I don't have depression as I ahve said before but have relatives and friends who do so I am fully sympathetic to your problem. Jules. Is there a support group in your area where you could go with OH so that he can learn more about the illness. It sounds as if he is supportive but doesn't fully understand. well done for coming off the canabis. As I also said on another post that is what was the start of one of my relatives depression.

I too think you should go back to your doctor for medication.

(((hugs)))
Ann
Glos

too right Carole - she'd better go or be prepared to receive millions of pm's

Ann how kind of you to offer to talk to anyone.
You could find your self stuck between the pooter and phone pmsl xx

I promise I will.....would hate to think of letting you guys down now....

Carole...I'm sure I'll be able to feel you dragging me by the hair all the way to the surgery.

Ann......I find it so difficult to go to group meets, I have very little self confidence, I would panic about it for days before n try to find the slightest excuse for getting out of it.

xxx

I would love to spend more time with my cousin but she is MONOpolar, dont quite know what that it, but half her life she has been under her duvet with depression.She doesnt manage her illness well. When she's well she refuses to join self-help groups or see her G.P. and is so extremely happy, she talks at ninety miles an hour, this is the Manic bit.She has a top flight job and does it well, but there are weeks/months when she cant lift her head off the pillow.
If she had a broken finger she would get sympathy, but people shie away from depression as if it's contageious.

Jules, OK I can understand that.. Have you looked on the internet to see if there is a site where depression is explained for your OH to read?

Ann
Glos

Julie - you should not feel afraid of meeting any of us - where do you live? Too far from me in Cardiff? And what are you afraid of hearing from your GP? That you have depression? Just go along with an open mind, tell him exactly how you are feeling and you would like help to get you on the road to recovery. I'm on anti-depressants long term as I have said and it doesn't bother me one iota and it should not bother you either. So see if you can get an appointment on Monday if possible Ann XX