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a reminder to posters and 'helpers'

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


chrissiex Report 14 Jul 2011 14:01

I am sorry I really did not mean to start a debate here, my first post was intended only as a caution in very particular circumstances really, where there might be or might have been family situations that have resulted in a parent not being in touch with a child ... that a poster is not disclosing all the facts of

there are maybe some other situations that we should be cautious about too ... people looking for ex spouses and partners ...

both of those situations are uncommon I think

I really did not mean to start a debate about the concept of looking for living relatives itself ... there are arguments on both sides and it seems to me that each person must follow their conscience in those situations


Astra Report 14 Jul 2011 12:57

It's a dangerous game.
As i pointed out in my earlier post there is a great deal of difference between wanting to find and wanting to be found
It worries me deeply that people are rushing in to give information to adoptees when this could cause so much distress to the biological parent(s) and I think only seasoned researchers, who know of the correct channels, should be allowed to work the Living Relatives board. Under the present arrangements at GR that is impossible so I agree with Sue. Remove the board. If people really want to find their natural family and are willing to work at it themselves, all of the means are availble to them to achieve a successful outcome.


Lisa Report 14 Jul 2011 12:04

How come the post is still under review?? :-(


Flick Report 14 Jul 2011 11:53

In spite of this thread, there are people on here today rushing to give info to a member who is looking for info about a birth mother....instead of advising the member to go through the proper channels.

Imagine the trauma if the 'child's' existence wasn't known of by the birth mother's current family.............

 Sue In Yorkshire.

Sue In Yorkshire. Report 14 Jul 2011 11:18


No I don't think you are being harsh on what you say about it being akin to a cheap detective agency.

In fact I would go so far as to say it is a cheap detective agency to find living rellies.

I wouldn't want any of my family found by some certain people as there is something that has gone on in the past and I would be very annoyed if I found out that they had been found because of a site/board like this.


I can see both sides to the story but WHY should members/helpers
have to take the responsiblity on board which people are genuine or not as the case maybe.

If people are really wanting to trace living rellie(and I have right up to the present day)then they can join either FMP, Ancestry and for up to
date information on their rellies.

I am not saying it's cheap to join these sites but at least the info is there if they really deep down wanted to find rellies.

I still say this board should be taken away and not replaced with any board as it can cause a lot of heartache for people ie that they are frightened that they will be found.

Point you all to a case I have in mind is """I am Fuming"" by Margaret on the Genealogy Board..


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 14 Jul 2011 09:11

If I recall correctly, this board was instituted partly in response to members request after the success of the GR sponsored programme on TV. People were joining and posting threads for LR all over the place!

I feel that it is best to have these TTF requests all in one place. It is then up to the 'helpers' to respond as they feel fit. And it also gives the OPs the opportunity to get the names of those they seek on the Internet. This in turn means the names will come up in a search with more likelihood that families who do wish to be reunited, will be.

Whilst acknowledging that some people do not wish to be found, it is not up to us to decide which is a genuine case and which is not. The only alternative is for a 3rd party to make the initial contact. As some presumably 'innocent' posters have said, they can't afford the fees charged by official organisations. And GR are unlikely to offer that service.

We have to remember that GR is a business and must make a profit for its owners/shareholders or will go under. It is not a charity.


Persephone Report 14 Jul 2011 04:48

You have a point there Sue.... not all living relatives want to be found... in fact some go to very good lengths not to be.

Whilst the majority of mine that are living know that myself and others in the family are into genealogy and realise that this process is also done for future generations, there are some that I know... don't want others to know.. because of their own family rifts between them or they are divorced etc.

One does have to tread carefully and to be honest I believed this to be an Ancestry site when I first joined and not an Uncle Tom Cobley and all whether they like it or not.

Find living relatives is akin to a cheap private detective agency or am I being a bit harsh in my judgement there?

And yes I have found living relatives for others on this site and so far everyone has been happy but what if I inadvertently caused distress for someone?

Persie :-S


chrissiex Report 13 Jul 2011 17:51

I know that is a question of some controversy

I did not mean to start it up again :-)

just to remind ourselves that there are certain situations that call for discretion ... on the part of 'helpers' even if not everyone asking for help can be counted on for discretion ...

 Sue In Yorkshire.

Sue In Yorkshire. Report 13 Jul 2011 17:32

I have read every post on this thread and also Chrissiex's first post.

Don't you all think it would be better NOT to have a Find Living Relatives board.

If people really want to find living rellies then they should go through the normal channels ie for addresses and Adoption Register for adoptees.

Just my personal opinion.


Flick Report 13 Jul 2011 16:50

As the post was re-instated last time it was referred, it is obvious that GR have no problem with it, and the referrals are nothing more nor less than sheer spite.

So utterly childish.....................


Lisa Report 13 Jul 2011 15:55

Blimey..Chrissie's post gone yet again!!! Is this site ran by Paul Daniels one minute it's here and the next it has disappeard!! What is going on, she is only giving good advice to all users on here :-(


chrissiex Report 13 Jul 2011 14:45

I am reluctant to repost the first message in case the moderators do decide it broke a rule, maybe a different rule :-)

I will wait for their decision again

thank you all again

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby Report 13 Jul 2011 14:43

Hi All

I really hope genes take action regarding the person who keeps pressing review on this thread

It is just a thought Chrissie But it was request reviewed before then happily re instated and now request reviewed may be an email to support at genes could help because to me someone is out to try and cause trouble

If it is the same person then genes can look into as yet again no reason for the opening post to go

If there was nothing wrong with it the first time then the secondly isn't after it was reinstated

Infact i am quite angry over this as i think it is a very good warning and should be took on board by everyone


Flick Report 13 Jul 2011 13:12

The person in question probably takes it as 'personal'.......simply because of the timing

One thing, the debate is keeping the post to the forefront of peoples' minds............which can't be bad!

Perhaps it would be worthwhile to re-state what you orginally posted - it may not be picked up in the body of the thread..........


chrissiex Report 13 Jul 2011 13:02

Flick I wondered that too

I have read the post on the suggestions board about 'vindictive post reporting'

maybe the person or persons reporting this thread should read it too

and I should note that it was not just one person's post that 'prompted' this thread, I have seen others in the past that were clearly for dubious motives and so the reminder is always timely


Flick Report 13 Jul 2011 09:05

I rather think this has been referred by the person whose request prompted its posting......her little bit of 'revenge'.


jax Report 13 Jul 2011 04:36

I cant see what the reporter of this post is getting out of this?

If it does get deleted, which I doubt it will...another can be started anyway, its just so annoying that someone would do this for no good reason.



Persephone Report 13 Jul 2011 04:14

Blimmin heck, the first post was here when I nudged it earlier and now it has gone again..

Chrissie with the Madonna statue.. I am absolutely perplexed. I read your first post earlier and for the life of me cannot find anything in it that would offend anyone. :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S How many of these do I need to be mystified.... also am miffed :-(.... It was so good it deserved to be at the top of the page at all times.



Persephone Report 12 Jul 2011 22:18

I think :-S

this thread should be at the top of the Finding Relatives board...

so will nudge when I am around.

Thanks Chrissie...


Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 12 Jul 2011 20:10


And READ the advice given by GR, and their T & C's.

Be considerate of the rights of the person you are looking for as well as your own needs.