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a reminder to posters and 'helpers'

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


chrissiex Report 13 Jul 2011 13:02

Flick I wondered that too

I have read the post on the suggestions board about 'vindictive post reporting'

maybe the person or persons reporting this thread should read it too

and I should note that it was not just one person's post that 'prompted' this thread, I have seen others in the past that were clearly for dubious motives and so the reminder is always timely


Flick Report 13 Jul 2011 13:12

The person in question probably takes it as 'personal'.......simply because of the timing

One thing, the debate is keeping the post to the forefront of peoples' minds............which can't be bad!

Perhaps it would be worthwhile to re-state what you orginally posted - it may not be picked up in the body of the thread..........

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby Report 13 Jul 2011 14:43

Hi All

I really hope genes take action regarding the person who keeps pressing review on this thread

It is just a thought Chrissie But it was request reviewed before then happily re instated and now request reviewed may be an email to support at genes could help because to me someone is out to try and cause trouble

If it is the same person then genes can look into as yet again no reason for the opening post to go

If there was nothing wrong with it the first time then the secondly isn't after it was reinstated

Infact i am quite angry over this as i think it is a very good warning and should be took on board by everyone


chrissiex Report 13 Jul 2011 14:45

I am reluctant to repost the first message in case the moderators do decide it broke a rule, maybe a different rule :-)

I will wait for their decision again

thank you all again


Lisa Report 13 Jul 2011 15:55

Blimey..Chrissie's post gone yet again!!! Is this site ran by Paul Daniels one minute it's here and the next it has disappeard!! What is going on, she is only giving good advice to all users on here :-(


Flick Report 13 Jul 2011 16:50

As the post was re-instated last time it was referred, it is obvious that GR have no problem with it, and the referrals are nothing more nor less than sheer spite.

So utterly childish.....................

 Sue In Yorkshire.

Sue In Yorkshire. Report 13 Jul 2011 17:32

I have read every post on this thread and also Chrissiex's first post.

Don't you all think it would be better NOT to have a Find Living Relatives board.

If people really want to find living rellies then they should go through the normal channels ie for addresses and Adoption Register for adoptees.

Just my personal opinion.


chrissiex Report 13 Jul 2011 17:51

I know that is a question of some controversy

I did not mean to start it up again :-)

just to remind ourselves that there are certain situations that call for discretion ... on the part of 'helpers' even if not everyone asking for help can be counted on for discretion ...


Persephone Report 14 Jul 2011 04:48

You have a point there Sue.... not all living relatives want to be found... in fact some go to very good lengths not to be.

Whilst the majority of mine that are living know that myself and others in the family are into genealogy and realise that this process is also done for future generations, there are some that I know... don't want others to know.. because of their own family rifts between them or they are divorced etc.

One does have to tread carefully and to be honest I believed this to be an Ancestry site when I first joined and not an Uncle Tom Cobley and all whether they like it or not.

Find living relatives is akin to a cheap private detective agency or am I being a bit harsh in my judgement there?

And yes I have found living relatives for others on this site and so far everyone has been happy but what if I inadvertently caused distress for someone?

Persie :-S


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 14 Jul 2011 09:11

If I recall correctly, this board was instituted partly in response to members request after the success of the GR sponsored programme on TV. People were joining and posting threads for LR all over the place!

I feel that it is best to have these TTF requests all in one place. It is then up to the 'helpers' to respond as they feel fit. And it also gives the OPs the opportunity to get the names of those they seek on the Internet. This in turn means the names will come up in a search with more likelihood that families who do wish to be reunited, will be.

Whilst acknowledging that some people do not wish to be found, it is not up to us to decide which is a genuine case and which is not. The only alternative is for a 3rd party to make the initial contact. As some presumably 'innocent' posters have said, they can't afford the fees charged by official organisations. And GR are unlikely to offer that service.

We have to remember that GR is a business and must make a profit for its owners/shareholders or will go under. It is not a charity.

 Sue In Yorkshire.

Sue In Yorkshire. Report 14 Jul 2011 11:18


No I don't think you are being harsh on what you say about it being akin to a cheap detective agency.

In fact I would go so far as to say it is a cheap detective agency to find living rellies.

I wouldn't want any of my family found by some certain people as there is something that has gone on in the past and I would be very annoyed if I found out that they had been found because of a site/board like this.


I can see both sides to the story but WHY should members/helpers
have to take the responsiblity on board which people are genuine or not as the case maybe.

If people are really wanting to trace living rellie(and I have right up to the present day)then they can join either FMP, Ancestry and for up to
date information on their rellies.

I am not saying it's cheap to join these sites but at least the info is there if they really deep down wanted to find rellies.

I still say this board should be taken away and not replaced with any board as it can cause a lot of heartache for people ie that they are frightened that they will be found.

Point you all to a case I have in mind is """I am Fuming"" by Margaret on the Genealogy Board..


Flick Report 14 Jul 2011 11:53

In spite of this thread, there are people on here today rushing to give info to a member who is looking for info about a birth mother....instead of advising the member to go through the proper channels.

Imagine the trauma if the 'child's' existence wasn't known of by the birth mother's current family.............


Lisa Report 14 Jul 2011 12:04

How come the post is still under review?? :-(


Astra Report 14 Jul 2011 12:57

It's a dangerous game.
As i pointed out in my earlier post there is a great deal of difference between wanting to find and wanting to be found
It worries me deeply that people are rushing in to give information to adoptees when this could cause so much distress to the biological parent(s) and I think only seasoned researchers, who know of the correct channels, should be allowed to work the Living Relatives board. Under the present arrangements at GR that is impossible so I agree with Sue. Remove the board. If people really want to find their natural family and are willing to work at it themselves, all of the means are availble to them to achieve a successful outcome.


chrissiex Report 14 Jul 2011 14:01

I am sorry I really did not mean to start a debate here, my first post was intended only as a caution in very particular circumstances really, where there might be or might have been family situations that have resulted in a parent not being in touch with a child ... that a poster is not disclosing all the facts of

there are maybe some other situations that we should be cautious about too ... people looking for ex spouses and partners ...

both of those situations are uncommon I think

I really did not mean to start a debate about the concept of looking for living relatives itself ... there are arguments on both sides and it seems to me that each person must follow their conscience in those situations


Sheila Report 14 Jul 2011 16:45

Hi Chrissie

I did not see your original post , but have a rough idea of what it was about, some very good points have been made on here, but we also have to realize that the Living relatives thread has come about as a result of members suggestions.
GR also are happy to have this thread on here, if you look on the success board there are many posts from members who have found living relatives though this site, which can in turn be beneficial to them to encourage new members :o)
There are very many reasons why families have lost contact over the years not all of them sinister, that said I do worry about people who jump in feet first and give all sorts of info out in the excitement of having found it, personally I normally pm with people about their situation, before giving and major info to them. I think a lot of the older posters on here do this,
I think it is wise of you to urge caution , but on the flip side of the that , it worries me that if we stop assisting people with these searches a lot of peoples lives will not benefit from it. :-)

 Sue In Yorkshire.

Sue In Yorkshire. Report 14 Jul 2011 17:05


You have a valid point in your first post and I Thank you personnally for putting this on the board for helpers to take a step back and THINK am I doing the right thing in sending info to the OP.

It has started a very good debate about the rights and wrongs of people looking for living rellies.

Maybe GR are getting more members through having this board on the site but are they going to take respsonsiblity if anything goes wrong..

Chrissiex Thanks from the bottom of my heart for this thread.



chrissiex Report 14 Jul 2011 17:17

thank you for your replies again

and again, I am not suggesting we not help with living relative searches, as you can see I do that myself quite a bit now that I have renewed my subscription and found this new board where all the action is :-)

it was very particular kinds of searches I was talking about, those where we might step back and say 'why is this parent or grandparent or uncle or aunt not in touch with this young person ?'

I was not talking about adoption situations but rather situations where it seems there have been family problems and we do not have the benefit of knowing what led to the estrangement ... and we are not being told

in those situations the estrangement may have been for a child's protection ( or the child's parent's )

and even if not, even if the estrangement is no fault of the person asking for help, these are situations that it is probably best for outsiders not to involve ourselves in

and I'll note again, I have not always been perfectly cautious myself, and I benefit from reminding myself from time to time too :-)


Persephone Report 14 Jul 2011 22:01

Chrissie do not be sorry for "starting" us all debating.

It is a good thing for various points of view to be aired and debated. Everyone is sticking to the argument, no one has made a personal judgement on another.

What you have done is create a very good forum and given us all food for thought. I hope that since the first post on here is being checked out again that whoever in GR is looking at it might look at our ideas/opinions and rethink the ideas behind this board.

I rightly or wrongly believe that giving this board the title "Find Living Relatives" had brought more and more people into doing just that. Before they were obscured in "trying to Find" and I don't think there were as many people carrying out or requesting such searches. GR in giving the board this title or maybe members suggested this title has resulted in it reaching its target market very well indeed.

The thing is, is this what GR wants.. or is it to be an Ancestry site?
What sort of impact will it have if it is removed?



Sheila Report 14 Jul 2011 22:48

Chrissie you have given us food for thought, I do not know why your original point was deleted as i doubt that anyone could have taken offence to it :o)
Maybe somebody on GR has become trigger happy again, there was a time when loads of threads where deleted for no reason and we wondered if someone at GR had their find constantly on the delete button ;o)
What you say may make us all think of what we do now, Gr is no longer just an ancestry site there are several of them around, but but by adding things like chat, quizzes and games, it also give members a chance to do so much more.
I do think with the access we have to info on the inter-net , we have to think a little more about we find, not just about finding living relatives. through our searches, no doubt many of us have found skeletons in the cupboard, and we have to be wary of even putting some of that info on our tree, even when we have these people in out tree and do not make or public , there have been glitches on here and tree access have been sent to other members in error.
But threads like this do make us thinks of consequences to out actions , which has to be a good thing :o)