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Adoption

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

ErikaH

ErikaH Report 11 Nov 2013 09:57

You can't access his records.....only the adoptee has that right

The NATIONAL register is just that......national.

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 09:58

Thats what i thought however a drivers license and wedding are over 16. Yes i know its over 18 before an adopted person can be traced. Laws change all the time and he was adopted in the 60s so who knows. But logical or not i have to believe what social services say are true. Also when you as the adoptive person apply for your birth certificate it is now stamped with "adopted"

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 10:00

Who said anything about accessing his records? We were talking about putting a letter on his file. Its not as easy as writing it and handing it yo any old department it has to go were his records are in order for it to go to the correct file

ErikaH

ErikaH Report 11 Nov 2013 10:07

Which 'birth cert' do you refer to?

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 10:16

The original one does obviously but apparently the adoptive one if its a copy obtained from national register it now has a stamp on it at the side i cant remember what it says on it but it basically states that its an adoption certificate.

ErikaH

ErikaH Report 11 Nov 2013 10:27

So, a person who doesn't know he/she has been adopted applies for his/her birth cert.........................and the cert advises him/her of the fact? Out of the blue...................just like that?


In all honesty...........I doubt it.

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 10:37

Im only repeating what iv been told if you have a problem with it phone after adoption team and tell them they are giving out false information and false hope.
It doesnt matter if its right or wrong no child would go and obtain their birth certificate it would be an adult. If what i was told is true and they do require both documents to get a passport etc then they would have to be told. Their are also medical reasons that they may need to be told. If their birth parent dies and leaves them inheritance they will be told via letter from a random solicitor.
There is no good way to tell someone they are adopted.
Every adoptive person deserves to know they are adopted it doesnt matter if someone thinks they shouldn't. Its the adoptive persons right.

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 10:40

Personally id rather find out like that than have my parents die and then find an adoption certificate. How is that fair?

jax

jax Report 11 Nov 2013 13:18

So you are saying every adopted person needs to produce their original birth cert when applying for a DL or PP?

I don't think that's correct myself, as we have had plenty of adopted people come on here not having their birth cert....surely they would have applied for one or the other in the last 50/60 years?

https://www.gov.uk/apply-first-adult-passport/documents-you-must-send-with-your-application

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 15:08

Again... This is not what im saying this is what i have been told. Also someone off here messaged me today and said that if an adoptive person applies for a passport with their adoption certificate there place of original birth from original b.c is put on the passport

jax

jax Report 11 Nov 2013 16:02

So why has this person off here messaged you and not posted what they know on the thread?

I have seen people in their 60s post on here saying they have just found out they were adopted

So you are saying that these people could not have ever driven or gone abroad in their life or needed to show any photo ID...or if you have to show a birth cert to marry (not that I remember doing so)...sorry once you adopted that is then your name...there is no reason to have your original birth cert.

Sometime in the 60s mothers who gave their children up for adoption were told they would never be traced....if the mothers name is on the birth cert (which it is) of course they can be traced

ErikaH

ErikaH Report 11 Nov 2013 16:59

Whoever told' you what you've put on here is talking nonsense.............sorry, but that's the fact of the matter

Vicki

Vicki Report 11 Nov 2013 20:14

In all honesty i think there is three appropriate responses on this thread. How many can read back through this and say i have replied with manners respect and sensitively. The correct response would have been im sorry but i think the information you have been given is incorrect and that you should possibly get a second opinion on the matter.
I never at any point asked if people think i should track him down. That is my decision to make and no body elses. He has the right to refuse contact were as he feels appropriate and ill also be paying for him to have counselling should he require it. I havent at any given point gone in to this with my eyes shut i have covered every outcome and taken in to it my own personal feelings having been in the care system myself and having an idea of how he may possibly feel though no i can not speak for him. However what gives any one the right to speak for him?
I have had several private messages regarding this thread as people dont want their personal life all over an open thread for all to see and also because of the responses on here! I have been given useful information and personal stories and i have been told that i look as if i have my uncles best interests at heart and that i have given this great thought. I've also been told that for an adoptive person its nice to know that they have never been forgotten even if they do choose not to have contact.
He may not know hes adopted but what if he does? What if hes tried finding us and hasnt been able to? People change names change addresses change people die so even as the adopted person it is not as easy as clicking your fingers and having an address to go to or write to. I owe it to myself and most importantly i owe it to him to at least try. Now i originally wrote this post asking if it was possible to obtain his adoptive name to clarify what i already knew unfortunately i cant see a way to delete this thread or i would in a heart beat because i am not being made to feel like im in the wrong because some information i was given you dont like. I hope no one else has been told to leave any body alone by any one else because that is an innappropriate response to give anyone and if any one takes that advice you could be causing great upset to peoples lives that you dont even know. Every one has a choice to make for themselves every one has a path that they can choose wether it be right for them mentally or right for them financially. Every one has an opinion on wether an adoptive person should be traced and if you dont agree then state your reasons and leave it be do not tell some one not to do something because you dont agree.
The information i have been given may be wrong it may be right but i have to hope that it is right. I sat with this person for a long time and discussed everything that i needed to ,to help with my decision.

Sheila

Sheila Report 11 Nov 2013 20:36

There is a big difference between and adopted persons short cert they may have and the full version they can obtain.
Many of the adoptees I have had contact with who have found out late in life have had their short version and this has been used to apply for all the legal paperwork they needed.

patchem

patchem Report 11 Nov 2013 23:17

Could some of the helpers please read up on the current adoption/passport guidance etc. e.g.:

https://www.gov.uk/get-a-child-passport/adopted-children

https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/birth_certificates_of_adopted_ch

You now need the long certificate for lots of documentation that previously was OK with just the short one.

+++DetEcTive+++

+++DetEcTive+++ Report 12 Nov 2013 00:31

Vicki - all you can do is to make the effort to get your Uncle's birth name and relatives contact details on any conceivable list. That would include adding both him and his birth mother/parents to your tree.

If you decide to delete this thread, you might want to consider starting a new one, giving his birth name on the off chance that either he or a relative makes an internet search.

Just keep it simple eg

"Looking for my uncle named XX XXX at birth on mm/yyyy at Anywhere Maternity Hospital before being adopted. His name has been added to the Adoption Contact Register.

His birth family would dearly love to hear from him. If you are or know of him please click on my name to send me a message."

Obviously, even if you no longer subscribe to this site, you will need to keep your GR account updated with a current email address.

In addition, if his birth is showing on freebmd, you could add something similar as a "post'em" . In that instance, get yourself a free throw-away email address which you will never change or use for anything else.

One day you may find him <3

Vicki

Vicki Report 12 Nov 2013 01:31

There is only one of him showing on genes and one person has his birth name in their tree, ive already messaged but had no response. As of yet.
I dont really want to post to many of his details in the open as we know a limited amount as it is any tom dick or harry could say they are him. I have posted on other websites with his name aswell.

Margaret

Margaret Report 12 Nov 2013 16:09

hi vicki i had a son adopted in 1965 he knew from a very early age he was adopted his parents were very open about it last year he obtained a full b c and his sister in law started to search for me in january of this year she found me on ancestry and i have been in contact with him since 3rd feb and met up for first time in 48 yrs is adoptive mum doesnt know as he doesnt want to upset her just want to say dont give up keep trying good luck hope all turns out ok <3 :-)

Christine

Christine Report 12 Nov 2013 16:24

HI VICKI,
Do you know where your Uncle was born. If it was in hospital, it is well worth checking with them to see if they have a Birth Records Dept. West Mid did have one but the records have now been passed to Record Office at Kew. I read that they are closed for I believe 70 years but can be opened in some cases. My husband was lucky enough to get some of his prior to their move but we are thinking of applying to see if he can have the rest, now that birth mother is deceased and can't lead him directly to her. We found her anyway after masny years of searching with the help of a GR Angel and to be truthful the Adoptive Register wasn't any use to him...but that was him and it's different for others!
Good luck, we are now looking for old friends in the hope of finding photos, info that may lead to finding a dad's name!
XChrisX :-)

Vicki

Vicki Report 12 Nov 2013 17:46

Hi margaret, thank you for your story im glad you've been reunited! Im not giving up hope just yet its alot harder to find him though as his name will have been changed at adoption.
Hello christine, yes we know were he was born but its no longer there. Plus as his birth relatives we aren't allowed access to his file to allow him confidentiality.