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I'm Nicole and I'm 21 looking for my father. Mother won't tell me any details apart from:
first name - Ian
Last name- kirkbride or Cartwright (unsure)
Born- Scotland
Was in England during 1993 up until when I'm not sure
Apparently he's a criminal ?
He was in his 30s when I was born so birthdate ranging from 1954-1964

Nicole

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It's unlikely though that anyone can help without a specific name

Can't anyone in you family help ?

Sorry I didn't realise

No one knows who he was except my mother

Nicole there are over 300 entries in electoral roll England and Wales for Ian Cartwright, 40 for Ian Kirkbride, just to give you an idea of the difficulty of finding him without more information.

If your mother won't tell you either she may not know any more about him, or she won't tell you because it's best not to, tbh if he was a criminal maybe you are better off not finding him! Would he know about your birth and your name?

Then what else can I do? I feel like there's a half of me missing and it's hard

I'm more interested in finding the extended family on my biological fathers side rather than him himself. Even so I still would like to know what he looks like and how he talks etc. My imagination can only go so far

He left before my mother could tell him

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. I have a friend in her 70's who never knew who her father was. In fact until she was about 8 she thought her mother was her older sister as she was brought up by her grandparents.

Her mother refused to tell her the name of her father - even when asked when she was dying. She was told to get on with her life and so that is what she has done. Her mother took the information to her grave and my friend knows there is nothing she can do about it. You can either accept it or let it tear you apart - which would be a shame.

Kath. x

I say this from the point of being a mum of a son your age who never met his father, and never will.

Look in the mirror, the bits of you that don't look like your mum could be from any relative from her ancestry or your father's, or not at all. You are not half a person, you are who you are, your looks are your own, your future is your own.Your father wasn't around so he hasn't contributed anything to the 'person' you are now. You may have a few personality traits that are different from your mum...we all do! If you go about it the right way your mum might tell you what he looked like, the good things about him, how you might be a bit alike...and how you differ, the important things.

If your father wants to find out if he has children he doesn't know about (or his family do) and his name is one of the surnames you mention here, googling his name will bring up this message and he can contact you. Make sure if you change your email address you update it with GR then even if you are no longer a paid member you will receive notification of the message.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice :-) I plan on sitting my mother down and having a good long chat about my father. If she refuses I'll keep digging :) Rambling Rose you're right, he's not part of me because he was never there but it still doesn't stop my imagination running wild. I think it's only fair for a child to know who both of their parents are despite the mum or dads opinion of the other, if that's what they wish. My best friend doesn't know who dad is either, but she's happy without knowing. It all depends on the person I think. I need to know this info about him. Anyway thank you all for your help and advice

Although I'd agree with Rose's take on the situation, do you have aunts/uncles/grandparents you could ask? Is your mum still in touch with friends from when she knew your father?

They may not have any further info to help you find him but their opinions may help you build a better picture of his character or appearance.

If you've the time and inclination, you could look through archived local newspapers to see if he was mentioned in any articles. They'd normally be held at a library with a local studies section. Your mum might be willing to explain more clearly why she describes him as 'criminal'. It might be a moral opinion rather than a law enforcement one.

Some parents are so bitter and twisted about the breakup of a marriage/relationship, they will do or say anything to selfishly deny a child the opportunity to have access to, or give information about the other parent.

Very sad.

Good luck with your quest Nicole. x

Yes that is true PH, but some are not bitter and twisted but they are protective, especially if the child might be at risk.

Nicole, Detective's practical advise is good, see what you can find out.

fwiw my comment re my son not meeting his father was not my being bitter and twisted lol, it was the father's own choice not to have contact. But I had always assumed that son would go looking someday, out of curiosity, and I had through the electoral roll found addresses that son could use to find him when and if he chose to. There can be no meeting now as the father has died suddenly and his family express no interest in meeting. I have given son as unbiased a description of his father's character as I can whilst being honest... maybe your mum will do the same.

Good luck

That is why I used the word "Some" Rose. :-)

:-) yes I did note that PH, just wanted to explain to Nicole as I thought maybe my comment

" I say this from the point of being a mum of a son your age who never met his father, and never will. "

sounded abrupt, as though I was the one preventing him.

We see a lot of people post here who have left it just too late to find an absent birth parent or siblings, and that too is awful.

Just 'approach with caution' is the best advice I can give.

edit what I was really trying to get across is that the best results for people searching for birth parents seem to be ( from experience on here) those that have the co-operation of the family you 'grew up' with. In this case if Nicole can get her mother to tell her what she needs to know, there won't be a falling out with one parent while looking for the other :-)