Genealogy Chat

I really hate it when people seem to think they have ownership rights over a set of ancestors, and bombard other people who share these ancestors with stroppy arrogant questions, DEMAND to see their tree, then query everything on it...throw a hissy fit if you don't respond to their emails within 20 seconds, and think they themselves are the most fantastic researchers who walked Gods earth... Ok, got that one off my chest! Sorry to the 99.99% of you who are LOVELY and nice! :-)

Rebekah, I too have been astonished at how rude some people can be when I've taken the time and effort to help them - however, thankgoodness they are far outnumbered by those who are appreciative and nice.

Oooh that's sad! I'm sorry to hear you've met someone rude on here. I've had lots of friendly and helpful contacts! If I shared some ancestors with you then I'd willingly let you have them too.............you are especially welcome to Alfonzo Fernandez IX, known to his subjects as The Slobberer! I think some people get very possessive about their research........I suppose I can sort of understand that they may have spent a lot of money on certificates and such like and many hours actually doing it but there are lots of us who are happy to share whatever we have found. I have been given large amounts of findings by others and have shared my own extensive research with anyone who is connected. Sometimes you find people who are rude and hardly say thank you but others are excited and that makes up for it. I had one contact on my only line that goes back to medieval times. I double checked his relations were connected to mine in the 19th century and then told him about the exciting news that we could actually go way back. I never heard another word. There are some odd people about. Good luck with your findings Sue

I'll second that. However, you don't have to show anyone your tree unless you choose to. And if the message is unpleasant you don't have to respond (although you could get bombarded with follow-ups, but they are easy enough to delete). I generally ask people to explain to me how they fit in, I tell them where I fit in (if they have supplied me with a name/dob and place of birth that matches) and if they supply me with the requisite details I give them permission to look at my tree. I did get a lovely message once that demanded a response if their 'John Smith' was the same as mine - so I didn't on account of he wasn't. I still feel vaguely guilty about it although I was only complying with orders!! Achtung!! Don't let them bully you! Victoria (one of the lovely ones! Lol)

Ooh Susan, I wish I DID share Alfonso Fernandez IX!! How exciting to have a posh tree! Mine's full of ag labs and coal miners!

I have been very fortunate on GR everyone I have had contact with have been so very helful. I have met some relatives through GR and am only too willing to use the phrase.....'do as you would be done by'. My research has taken me many many hours to get to the stage I am at the moment, but then I also appreciate the efforts etc. it has cost any person I may be related to. If I was approached in a nasty manner my obvious reaction would be to 'close the door' Kathlyn

Hi i let someone have access to my tree they also let me have access to theres, i had a quick look at theres found there was a connection and decided to go back to it a few days latter as there was a lot to add to my own when i tried to go back on to this persons tree he had removed the permission i am so up set as he still shows up every hot match with at least 10 matches . i have removed my tree from him i bet he got a lot of imfo from mine , some people are so nasty.

Not everyone receives Hot Matches (they can be turned off). What you have to remember is that there are two ways of getting information to build a tree. One is by hard work (aka research) and one is by sharing with others. Some details are easy to access some are less so, some take time and some take money (certs for example, copies of wills, military records etc). I don't object to sharing but along with a lot of people if something has involved hours upon hours of research and an investment of cash i do want to look after it. By finding the information i have proved it is there to find, and usually ithe situation is such that the other tree owner is either a very distant relative (or only linked through marriage), If there is a mutaul exchange of info then all well and good, but often the other tree has a large number of names but no substance (dates of birth etc are thin on the ground). Swelling the numbers of another tree isn't my priority, i would rather have MY tree small but full of details than a huge list of names with unknown dates, places and blank spaces. Glen

I have been very fortunate in my few interactions and have only had 3 substantive (in terms of new information) tree exchanges. Each one has been very pleasant and very helpful I think it important to establish a real link before sharing trees. I also think it important to offer something in exchange even if it is only a sub-branch of their main interests. Not everyone has the time to delve deep in their family histories. I have been quite fortunate in that online records and sending away for certs has got me back to 1800 (at least on my mothers side). However, work, geography and time precludes going back much farther for the time being. In these circumstances, I don't think it is unfair to share information with people who, quite reasonably, can't get much farther back. But .... if they are rude ..... then they can go find out for themselves.

I never open my tree to anyone - but I'm not rude! As Glen so rightly points out, some of us have spent a great deal of time and money collating our trees. I have been researching for nearly 40 years now and I know a lot about my extended family.If I found the stuff, so can you. I am happy to share the relevant bits with a PROVEN relative. I am not at all happy to share with anyone who is not my relative, or has not proved, through their own research, that they are. No one, except my only sibling, needs to see ALL of my tree, it is mostly irrelevant. I will help anyone who contacts me, either by giving them relevant information, generation by generation - I have long since learned not to give everything at the first contact, after a few instances of not even being thanked, and certainly never getting anything in return. But I become rather peeved by contacts such as one recently, who claimed we had the same 10 x GGPs. Questioning revealed he did not even have his greatgrandparents marriage cert, yet he 'knew' that a man born in 1686 was his 10 x GGF. At my age, I can't be bothered with sloppy research like this. I was not rude, but suggested that he get the relevant MC and track back in the accepted way and then get in touch again with the proof. OC

I had a message yesterday just saying was so and so married to such and such! No 'Hi' or please or thankyou. I hate it when ppl are so rude. As for opening my tree to anyone I am always on my guard. Usually though when someone queries someone in my tree, they have usually opened theirs to me so I always check first to see if we share the same rellie and only then will I open mine. Carole xx

Carole, I have had a few like this over the last month. No date or place. I usually go back and say, I don't have that marriage but my Tom Smith was born 1892 in Leicester, parents Fred and Florence etc. If they don't bother to reply, I automatically delete their contact after two weeks, I think the more seasoned members have each developed their own way of writing messages. I always quote y.o.b., location and usually some other snippet about the family. If I think there is a strong likelihood of a connection I might indicate how their name relates to my line then usually finish by asking how they are related, and look forward to hearing from them.

Like Old Crone, I do not share my tree with anyone. A second cousin asked me for help and I stupidly opened my tree to her, she copied the lot and disappeared. They come out of the woodwork more on here than at 'family' weddings and funerals.

I personally cant see why most of you do genealogy it is about sharing resources, a lot of people new to genealogy dont see what they are doing wrong, and your all being very hipocritical, you mean to tell me when you look at someone elses tree you dont take notes of rellies you have not got !! I seriously hope none of you are related to my tree, I gladly search my resources and assist if i can. I have meet some lovely people whom i share my tree with, Yes so what i share copies of certs that i have brought, why not save someon a few quid......... perhaps you lot of selfish people think long and hard.

rattling cages.......... Think you have either missed the point, or have not been doing this for very long.

If your refering to me yes many years !!

I agree with Patricia. If you don't want to share then why bother being on GR? So what if someone copies. It doesn't devalue your tree or the satisfaction you have got out of your own research.

The point is about rudeness. If someone is rude them don't share. If not, why the objection?

Pat and Charles have my vote. I am a bit more particular with whom I share details with these days, they have to prove they are genuine first.

Yes and if someone is rude then just delete their contact, don't even rise to it.