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OLDE CRONE RETURNS!!!! Time to journey home......

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Macbev

Macbev Report 13 Dec 2005 01:16

Been to bed for a bit -sorry not to reply sooner. Bev -I live south of London (well and truly south) but as I'll probably have to arrive via parachute drop I can't offer you a lift. We don't have a mum any more, so you can ship yours out to be with my abandoned kids if you like. Merry -I never thought of the Customs problems. I don't think I'll have any probs bringing the boozy fruit flies OUT of Oz -but remembering the red tape I had to negotiate just to send calendars to Scotland, full I.D required, mebbe it's a bit trickier at your end. Shame -they taste rather nice dipped in chocolate. Tina -see answer to Bev above. My Perth is Down Under. I'll have to catch the Red Eye Special and bail out over Cornwall (any directions for aerial arrivals, Olde Crone?). I have a Porta Potti -would that be a useful accessory to bring? Could set it up under a bush on the lawn. Beverley-from-Perth-Down Under

Unknown

Unknown Report 13 Dec 2005 07:50

Packing mum off to Oz ..................... now that IS a good idea, he he he (evil laugh) Bev x

Macbev

Macbev Report 13 Dec 2005 08:00

You needn't bother to pack her string bikini ,Bev -the weather's been rather cool for December. I still have the waterproofs I used to use on the mattresses for visits by the g.kids when they were tiny. We live on a fairly busy street -can she open gates? And should i leave her a bottle or two of the brandied cumquats? Bev-from-Perth-Downunder

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 09:33

Bev-from-Perth..... I'm sure the other Bev's mother will be really at home....I would leave one jar of cumquats with her, to put her in the festive spirit. OC, I have decided to ski instead of drive to you!! I will tow the aerodynamic roof box containing Jess, and also bring a pack of huskies and a pack of paper plates. This will mean no washing up and no eating of leftovers off the lawn. Just thought.......Bev-from-Perth.......you will need to buy a can of spray snow and squirt it around your Perth home before leaving, as otherwise Bev's mum may get homesick and try hitching back to the UK. Could you also arrange for it to get dark about 4pm and get light about 7am?? Thanks....that's great!! Merry x

Unknown

Unknown Report 13 Dec 2005 09:40

You're a pal Macbev and just so you know how much I appreciate it ..... you can keep mum until next Xmas! She's no trouble honest. She can probably open gates, but despite the rheumatism, she can open wine and guiness bottles blindfold with one arm tied behind her back. String bikini?? hmmm theres a thought (sick bag please!) ................... And do you know wha, during this morning's phone call (virtually identical to Jess's phone call down the page) mother had the nerve to tut tut and tell ME I was getting confused .................! Gimme strength! Bev x Er ...... when is Xmas anyway ...................?

Macbev

Macbev Report 13 Dec 2005 10:24

Merry -I can do spray snow if you think it will help -but the Daylight Saving mob here are agitating (again!!!) to bring WA up to speed with the rest of the country. Heck, we LIKE being 3 hrs behind. So it may be lighter, not darker at 4.00pm by the time Bev's mum gets here. I've still got my Qantas eyeshades though -can leave those out by the bed if it will help. Bev -I only asked about gates because I am concerned she might wander out onto the road. Perth drivers are not renowned for slowing down for wandering grannies Olde Crone -is it possible to light up some of those bank statements to make a landing flare for me when I pass overhead? I don't want to put you to any trouble, but I've only been to Cornwall once before and am not too sure where you are in relation to Looes (sp?) Do I bring the portapotti or not? (jiggling up and down with excitement, now, legs crossed) Bev-from Downunder-in-Perth

Angela

Angela Report 13 Dec 2005 10:48

Oh, Crone - I am deeply touched by your organisation of the minute's silence for me. In fact I am absolutely welling up as we speak. I am tempted to cancel the hols so that I can be there. How could anyone possibly turn down the opportunity to be at The Social Event of The Year? Ah well - I was never one to give in to temptation. I could send a few little somethings to help to eke out the provisions. There is a jar of cranberry sauce in the cupboard which would be perfectly okay if you just scraped off the fluffy bits on the top and some chestnuts that have been in a zip-lock bag in the fridge for a while. I haven't inspected them lately but I am sure they will be fine if you mash them up and put them in the stuffing. There are a few odd crackers in the drawer. Nobody will notice that they don't match after they have had a glass or two. Anything else that you need? You could borrow my Domestic Goddess pinny if you like?

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Dec 2005 11:00

shouildn't worry about the porta pottie - sure crone has an antique Po we can share, quick on and off to keep it warm, behind the Hawthorn bush. Essential is the festive loo roll though....santa or a snow men? they have some in Asda with holly on but somehow the association of wiping my backside with holly be-decked paper doesnt seem right. Do we need Nutcrackers or will Crones spare dentures do? jess x

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 12:09

We don't need spare dentures......her current ones will do fine! Merry

Macbev

Macbev Report 13 Dec 2005 12:49

OK- will leave the porta pottie under the bed for Bev's mum, then. Still worried about landing lights -I'm a bit short sighted and the dots on your maps look awfully close together. How will I know when I have got the right one? Beverley from Underdone -Perth

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Dec 2005 12:55

Well, if you thought i was coming without mine you were wrong , Dont go too fast when you are towing me else they might fly out and bite some unsuspecting passer by. Maybe i'd be better with one of those bank Robbers hats, with just an eye slit? anyway, back to grub, what we doing for a bird? Sure there are plenty of seagulls around in Crones neck of the woods (neck of the cliffs?) , Not sure i fancy seagull stuffed with tomato soup mix though Jess x

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 12:57

I could bring an industrial-sized tin of Coronation Chicken (bought in 1953)?? Merry

Phoenix

Phoenix Report 13 Dec 2005 13:52

I laughed till I cried over Jess's conversation. Mine has been on the lines of: Have you had the Blood test done? .... The one you were supposed to have done when you saw the nurse. ..... The one you need for the Memory Clinic ..... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! The rate things are going, it'll be X day in hospital, so I might well commandeer a hospital bed, as Merry is doing the Great North Ski, and race that down, picking up Bev on the way. Steering might be erratic, as my sleeves will be a little long, but that all adds to the fun of the journey.

fraserbooks

fraserbooks Report 13 Dec 2005 14:21

I can relate to large presents. As I had five children it was always a struggle to fit everything into our houuse. One year my in-laws gave us a large table football table and a hornby train set which was so complicated that my husband an engineer failed to master it. My mother had obviously been let into the train set idea as she had a lot of brio accessaries which were much to big for the trainset. This was when my eldest son who has learning difficulties was about four and his brother about two.

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 14:59

NEWS!! I have just thought of something VITALLY important to pack in the towing roof box, with Jess.................. my party-sized pack of Steradent tablets and a LARGE bowl, so on [C-word] night we can drop them all in for a fizzzzz, whilst we have 40 winks amongst the shrubbery. BTW, in an earlier message I mentioned having the commode fitted to the front passenger area in the car. Well, now I'm skiing, I have sorted some skis for the commode, thereby killing two birds with one stone; - an extra loo (will empty it just before I arrive (oops, sorry Jess, didn't see you there)) and an extra dead bird for the party! Lookout for the sledge.................. Merry x

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Dec 2005 15:15

If you think for one moment that i am travelling stapped to a comode - woolly hat or not, you are wrong! Please! Besides The loo roll , choices of which as yet undecided, would no doubt unravell all down the m6, then we'd be in a proper quandry. -Not half the quandry we'd be in if we are heading for Cornwall down the M6 but that's a minor issue.

Macbev

Macbev Report 13 Dec 2005 15:17

Nearly finished packing- Check-roll of bin liners Check-red Santa hat Check-5 bottles of boozy fruit flies in brandied cumquats Check -roll of loo paper Check-front door key under the mat for Bev's mum Check- extra bottle of Guiness, ditto Check -map of Cornwall ,with magnifying glass Leave me a message if I've forgotten anything vital, as I'm off to bed . Bev-from-Perth-Down-and-out

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 15:29

Night night Bev! List looks great! Now sort yourself out Jess........(this is the trouble with OAP's!) It's YOU in the towing roof box (with bin bag, hat, can of Coronation Chicken, box of Eat Me dates, pack of paper plates, pack of Steradent tablets and packet of ice cream mix, circa 1969 along with your Bailey's).....It's ME towing you FROM the commode, with ski poles, and a pack of huskies on a lead. If you feel you have too much stuff in the ''roof'' box with you, I could store a few bits in the bowl under my seat, but said items might get damp.....that wouldn't be good for the Steradent tablets, in particular. Merry x

Unknown

Unknown Report 13 Dec 2005 16:20

Macbev You're a miracle worker! Mum is wrapped in nice shiney Xmas paper - supersize roll from Asda, specially designed for all those huge impractical presents - tied up with ribbon and bows and I'm trying to persuade her to shuffle down to the Post Office before they close to get herself stamped and posted off to Oz (hope she gets there in time!) Perhaps I ought to add brown parcel paper over the top ........... if I just put Macbev, Perth-down-under-and-out on the address label, do you think she'll get there? WAKE UP BEV, I havent got much time! Bev x

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 16:28

Bev, why don't you send her surface mail????? Then she would be away for weeks and weeks, guaranteed! Merry