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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Morley

Morley Report 17 Jun 2005 17:54

Patricia Have you tried B4Usearch.com and 192.com these sites are free just for a general address. They also give you who is living with person, might help if you know partners name! You are a very kind and loving person to do what you are doing and putting your own feelings aside. Liz What a sad outcome for you at least you have a cousin who may be able to find some info. to give you on what they were both like and maybe pass some photos on to you. I am sure it is normal to grieve for what might have been! (possibly all adoptees do!) At least you can phone on Monday and things will have had time to sink in more, my thoughts are with you. Hi Sheila Thank you for your kindness and support hope you had a good holiday! Glad to hear everyone else seems to be ok! Hope you are allright Jess am a bit concerned with the rhino bit?

Sheila

Sheila Report 17 Jun 2005 18:37

Pat, If Julie's cousin has been in touch then she must be in touch with Julies dad to know about the letter. Whats Julies cousins full name can take a look for her on my disk. Have you thought about using a friend of BF to act as an intermediate, maybe Julie will do, but you will have to decide how you want contact now either my e-mail, letter, or phone (or mobile),is she does want contact with BF she will have to make a deciscion now, although I can undertstand her beig loath to give her personal details just yet, if he wants contact with her she will have to decide how. Maybe they could meet for luch somewhere, only she knows what she will feel comfortable with. Hope it goes well anyway, you seem to have traced him :O) Hi Ann, Thanks had a great holiday, too short as normal glad to see your ok :O) Sheila

Jude

Jude Report 17 Jun 2005 23:31

Hi everyone, been visiting board for the last couple of weeks and finding myself getting caught up in everyone else's lives on this thread so i thought i better introduce myself to you all. I have just had news today that my adoption records have been located and i now have a 6-8 week wait to see them! So now i just don't know what to do with myself!? should i carry on with own little search while i wait or should i leave it till i see whats in my file.....................i feel a bit in limbo and keep hovering over my laptop just incase i might miss something or a new search might come my way???!! I am trying desperatley not to let it take over my life! Got any tips?? Jude

The Bag

The Bag Report 18 Jun 2005 10:46

Give up fighting- it will take over !! As you are so close, unless you have any hard and fast facts i'd be inclined to hold off any more searching until you get your file - 6-8 weeks seems like and eternity, but is an awful long time to have been following a lead, to have to back track if you were wrong! Keep talking to us though! Welcome to the Gang!- You are now officially a member of the AANA's Club (Adopted And Not Ashamed) ....Pinning on your badge....! Jess x

The Bag

The Bag Report 18 Jun 2005 11:38

been thinking.... Tommorow is Fathers day and I like many will be off to see my dad.My DAD not my FATHER. My Father is dead (some 10 years or so) and i never met him. Would i have wanted to? Knowing what i do now, then No, probably not, although that is only with the benefit of hindsight. There is 1 girl born to him whose 'dad' he was, and he took to his grave the fact that she thought she was his Only daughter. I, of course, know differently. The man given the attribute of being my Father had 9 children that we know about (maybe more, who knows?) 4 Knew him as Dad. MY dad, the one that made me what i am, is the only one in my mind that is worthy of the title of MY DAD. He loved, and continues to love me, unconditionally. Any man has the potential to become a father - it takes a very special person to be a DAD. I am my Dads only daughter, and he is my only Dad. I Love you Dad - I'm eveything I am because YOU loved ME. Jess x

Jude

Jude Report 18 Jun 2005 11:41

thanks jess, you are probably right. I have been thinking along those lines. Do i keep chasing info i have already or hold off!?! I have my original birth cert so i have her addy at time of birth, her full name and where she was born. I have looked for a marriage for her and have a couple of possibilities and have looked for her birth cert for extra info. There is also a possible match on friends reunited but i am unsure about sending an e-mail (i mean what the hell do you put in it?) I am trying at the moment to find out if her addy at time of birth was a M&B home. This would clarify what i think that she didn't live in the area that she had me. Anyway thanks for the welcome and my new badge ;O)) jude

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 19 Jun 2005 19:17

hi jess just wanted to reply to your message about fathers day i feel the same way as you have been to put flowers on my dads grave today i dont call him my adopted dad because he was the only dad i ever new and he was a wonderfull dad and miss him to bits I LOVE YOU DAD HAPPY FATHERS DAY WISH YOU WAS STILL HERE TODAY GOD BLESS MY DAD XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sheila

Sheila Report 19 Jun 2005 21:44

Hi Jess and Angela, Just to say I agree with you a 100% my dad will always be my father he was the one there for me through thick and thin, he earned my love and respect and deserved tt title every day of his life. 'Happy Fathers Day' dad xx p.s never think that this search is disrespectful of your parents I always refer to my birth parents as birth mother or father or by the first name my parents are the parents that brought me up they are my mum and dad, and I think that most of you on her feel the same way, but are curious about your 'roots'. Jude, have sent you something you may find interesting, one in particular stands out. Good Luck! Dorothy, Hope your neice has a brilliat time with you, just be yourself I am sure it will be OK. Julia, No one gives us a manual for all this most of us just wing it, its like any relationship you just have to give it time and see how it progresses :O) Take Care everyone, hope your searches are all going well. Sheila

Kelly

Kelly Report 20 Jun 2005 17:44

trying to stop an adoption search taking over your life give up now, it can be an all consuming hell, your days will be filled with checking sites checking records of births deaths marriages electoral roles it goes on and on and on. as for me was happy to receive message on my machine friday saying we are worcester social services please get in touch asap as we may now be able to help you, i was so excited over the weekend i couldnt believe it. got to this morning monday i thought great i was up at 6.30am i waited for 3 hours for social services to open, i phoned they said they couldnt find the paperwork relating to me they would ring me back in an hour. 3 hours later i rang them again i got another woman who said she would ring me back in 10 minutes, i gave that another 2 hours and rang again, this time i got a duty social worker who was running out the door that promised to ring me back at 3pm,. and low and behold like a miracle she did, only to tell me she had no idea who called me friday (no name was left on the message so i dont know who it was either) she said she couldnt help me but she would find out tomorrow who rang me and what about and ring me back, after todays phone sit in i wont hold my breath. please pray for worcester social services to get there act together,, preferably before i lose whats left or my marbles, kel

Jude

Jude Report 20 Jun 2005 22:32

oh my god kelly how stressful for you! Surely they know if they have info on you or not?! I guess it depends on the district. But what a huge let down after getting yourself all prepared and all hyped up for it! Up to now i have had a pretty pain free time to gather info from social services. after first contact they had located my records in less than two days. The problem i have now is the wait to see them could be as long as 12 weeks! You are def right about it taking over your life tho.......i am trying desperatley to hang on to my sanity and have to keep walking away from my laptop and force myself to read a book or sleep!! something i am not doing very well at the moment for obvious reasons . anyway, hang on in there chuck ;O)

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 20 Jun 2005 22:33

hi kel realy feel for you reading your message talk about been left on a leash if thats the saying didnt they realise how much you had put your hopes on that one message,i do hope they pull there act together my thoughts are with you and i do hope the person who left that message gets back in touch god bless angie xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 20 Jun 2005 22:43

Consensus of opinion please. what shall i do? I spoke to my birth Half brothers wife what seems like ages ago now (probably 3 months).She was very chatty and seemed nice enough but rang me in the daytime when he was at work.Apparently he wanted her to ring, she promised me he DID know she was ringing.She promised me that he would ring me soon, when he had thought things through. 3 months on, what would you do. Phone daytime?/phone evening?/ write ?/ leave it? (I have an address and a phone number, they also have ..or had..mine)

Jude

Jude Report 21 Jun 2005 00:12

HI JESS, Maybe drop them a quick line with pleasantries and casually drop your details in just incase they have mislaid them which is a possibility. giving his wife a call again may be another way as girls are nearly always better at dealing with family/emotional stuff than boys plus she is slightly removed from the situation and more able to deal with the situation. It could be that she has called you without him knowing hoping to be the go between to help build any relationship? Or maybe he is just abit scared! Just search your heart jess and trust your instincts it will come good, either way :O)) Take care

Kelly

Kelly Report 21 Jun 2005 17:53

hi guys, me again! and today the saga continues, worcester ss got back to me, apparently the nice family court judge at worcester court has told them to get up off there lazy butts and help me, think heads have been rolling behind the scenes in the last week. and its about time, i also hope this might pave the way for other families waiting on worcester ss to get there ass into gear too. though it has taken me 7 months to get this far. have sent off copies today of the judges letters i have received to worcester ss, to prove they have given permission for file to be released. so hopefully in the not too distant future, worcester ss will have the adoption file with all the info in it, and make further enquirees into my sisters whereabouts on my behalf, as this is what the judge wants them to do,,,,,, so watch this space............. hopefully things will change and ill have something nice to say about this issue and worcester ss soon, though ive learnt not to hold my breath... good luck all, i wish you all well.....................kel

The Bag

The Bag Report 21 Jun 2005 18:27

Kelly. social services have two speeds- slow and stop...and its hot... You case sounds as though it is moving.Patience is a virtue... what do you mean 'not one of yours!' Jess

Kelly

Kelly Report 21 Jun 2005 19:26

Patience is a virtue... i dont possess..........think i could buy some on ebay????? they seem to do everything else!

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 21 Jun 2005 20:28

kel well things are picking up for you at last,but if you dont hear anything id hound them so they dont forget who you are best of luck hun xx jess i think i would send letter with my details on it and they know then that they can contact you anytime my brothers other halfs are always keeping in touch which annoys me sometimes cus i would like chat to my brothers sometimes as it had been 35yrs we have been apart and if there are any disagrements its always the girls who talk on behalf of my brothers to good luck jess xx

Jude

Jude Report 21 Jun 2005 20:33

Hints please folks. My search for BM has took a quick turn and i have a match that looks very very promising. However i am not sure how to approach this. i mean how do you go about finding out if it is them. her phone no is ex directory so a letter is the only option. I need to eliminate her from list but don't know how to go about it? Any ideas folks? Jude x

Sheila

Sheila Report 21 Jun 2005 21:09

Hi Kelly, Sorry think e-bay has run out of patience, think the rest of us bought it before you ;O) reckon now the judge has been in touch with SS, they will bend over backwards to accomodate you, shame the courts never released the papers to you direct like they did in my case would have saved you a lot of time, still looks like you will get a result soon, Good Luck! Jess Think in view of your circumstances I would write a letter you have spoken to your sister-in-law and she said that she would get your brother to make contact, but as he has not done this yet, he maybe he is not interested (sorry if that sounds a bit brutal, but I know you tell it as it is, and want to hear the truth back) now if you phone again ,then it may make it awkward for sister in law, as although you say she sounds nice she would be stuck in the middle. What about a nice chatty letter tell how how much you enjoyed talking to her, and asking how brother and her are doing, it may prick a little bit at his conscience or curiosity and he may reply, or at least she may write back and say what has happened, but at least you will know where you stand, will keep my fingers crossed that you hear back from him. Jude, Will e-mail you direct after this. Good Luck all! Sheila

Morley

Morley Report 21 Jun 2005 22:16

Jess I agree with Sheila, I have been thinking about your situation you have waited a long few months! A light, friendly letter (no pressure!) giving your details again, he might have lost your address. Like everyone has said men don't do emotion chatty bits his wife maybe your best link until the idea grows on him more! I have a half brother who I don't think knows anything about me, so I might be in your situation one day?! Please let me know when the next lot of patience appears on E-bay I need some too!!