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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 25 Mar 2005 12:24

stay with us Lorraine - your one of the 'Club' we are always here (even if i am personally going away for easter now Lol) Jess x

Rainey

Rainey Report 25 Mar 2005 12:26

thanx jess i will, i hope you have a lovely easter with love lorraine xx

Donna

Donna Report 25 Mar 2005 13:48

hi lou i have just been reading the thread and i am so happy for you i bet you can not wait to see your bm mum it is so nice that she has thought of you for all them years and that your brothers know of you is really good ,i bet it will be a loverly reunion you will have so much to catch up on . jess have a loverly easter holiday any luck with your brother? i do hope that he will ring you soon rainy girl lorraine : i am so sorry what has happened to you , you must feel gutted having to wait all them years and then that happening to you if you want to talk please just email me my aunty she rang me this morning and wants to meet me again next week i said that i would but it would have to be with my husband there , i had a letter pushed through my door off my cousin debbie who is my auntys daughter and she wants to make contact , my mom is pleased for me but my addopted dad is upset and says if i stay in touch with my birth family then he does not want anything to do with me ,i do not know what to do for the best as i do not want to loose my addopted dad but i do want to know about my birth family ,my sister she rang me again last night we have got so much in common and are going to see each other again but my other two sisters do not want to know my sister said to give them time they might come round oh well i had better go for now but please everyone keep your chins up lots of love donna x x

Unknown

Unknown Report 25 Mar 2005 14:15

Hi Donna That must be hard. I haven't decided yet whether to tell my adoptive parents that I've found my birth mother. At the moment its a need to know basis and they don't need to know! No point in upsetting them if this is going to come to nothing other than a couple of phone calls. Last night was quite funny though. As soon as she rang I emailed Jess and said 'she's on the phone'. So I'm having this conversation and emailing Jess saying 'Yep, I'm ok', 'Going well', 'Everything's great'. It was so good to have Jess at the end of the email while I was having this chat. Hubbie was at work so I had no-one to even tell it all to once I came off the phone so came to the boards and posted. Think Jess went to bed then...she'd been waiting to go for an hour but wouldn't leave me, bless her! Lou

Donna

Donna Report 25 Mar 2005 15:44

hi lou it was really hard telling them but i wanted to be honest to them i wish i had not said anything now and seen how things went with my birth family . lou it was good that you had jess there with you well by emailing her she seems to be really nice to wait up with you as well you know what they say you can pick your friends but not your family , i am really glad that you spoke to your mom i bet it was loverly i wonder if you look alike or have the same things in common , i am really excited for you i bet it is going to be a loverly meeting you are taking your husband or a friend with you? my birth family want to meet my children but i am unsure about that i think it might be best to see how things go ,i just wish that my birth dad was alive so that i could have met him i have heard so many loverly storys about him but i am also sad that if i do continue contact with my birth family i will loose my addopted dad . anyway good luck lou i really am glad for you ,you have been waiting for so long lots of love donna x x x

Unknown

Unknown Report 26 Mar 2005 09:14

Hi guys, Just looked at the latest since I last posted and there has been good/bad and some guilt going on. This is very much how life is but as part of the adoption triad it seems even more so than most. Glad to see there is still hope among us and even though there have tears, don't dwell too much as the pain and grief you are feeling will slowly ebb away. You have found kindred spirits in us all and we share in everyone's grief and happiness all the same. Everyone's journey is important as is the outcome. Everything happens in it's time. If you haven't had the outcome you would like to hope for don't totally give up. Maybe the timing wasn't right just yet. People can change their minds and that rule doesn't just apply to women you know! Some people sometimes need xtra space and time and even a gentle kick up the backside from them upstairs sometimes before they realise they should their mistake. And it is just that. THEIR mistke. You haven't done anything wrong. I used to think that just being born was my fault. It wasn't. Take time to be with your nearest and dearest. It will soothe your soul greatly. They still love you. You're still the same person. Stay strong. love to all Jules xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 26 Mar 2005 11:01

Yes Jules, I've heard about your uncanny knack of nodding off mid chat! Well I rang BM's friend yesterday, just to check that everything was ok after our conversation on Thursday night, and she said that BM was in fine form. She said that in fact, she seems happier than she has been in a very long time. She said that BM has struggled to be happy for years now with all that has gone on in her life and she thinks that me making contact and her finally having the opportunity to explain why she did what she did AND to have the reassurance from me that she did nothing wrong and that the people who adopted me loved me and cared for me every bit as much as she would have done had she been able to keep with me with her will be the start of a healing process for her. I don't want to 'crowd' her so I'm going to leave it until mid week and then give her a quick call just to check she is ok with her friend being away, although she may well have called me before then, as apparantly she was planning to get in touch with the boys over the Easter weekend to tell them that we'd spoken and her friend said depending on whether they want to talk to me or want to think about it for a while, she may be in contact to ask if its ok to pass my phone number on to them Lou

Donna

Donna Report 26 Mar 2005 22:00

hi lou that is brill news about your birth family I am so pleased that everything as worked out for you , it looks like this is going to be a new beginning for you I bet you can not wait for your birth mom to ring you again it is good that your birth brothers know about you as it will not be to much of a shock ,I wonder if you look like your mom and your brothers please keep us all updated to how you are getting on with your birth family and i wish you all the happiness in the world lots of love donna x x

Unknown

Unknown Report 26 Mar 2005 22:14

Hi everyone, I have another little update for you. I have found my grandad on my dad's side last night. Quite by fluke really. I found a website for the Grammar school my dad went to. After trawling thru loads of emails posted and not even touching the surface I decided to take a look at the email links page. I was half way down the second column when I saw someone with the same surname as my dad. Thought it was just a coincidence or maybe a cousin etc. So I sent a msg saying I was looking for any rellies or anyone who remembers Phil * who attended said school from the age of 9/10 and left early as he was bored. where he then went to work doing the aeirals and the dj part including his stage names. Well blow me down if I didn't wake up to find a msg saying I had found Phil's dad and a phone number given. Jeez! Back on that ruddy roller coaster again. I asked mum to give me a sign if this is Grandad and if I should phone. And sure enough not 5 mins later I got that same sickly feeling I had on Monday. I had my answer. I didn't ring til 10 as I didn't know if he was an early bird or not. He wasn't in!! I cursed myself on not phoning at 9. I finally got thru to him at half eleven. I was on pins. I explained everything to him and he was wonderful. He has said I'm his grandaughter and that's that. He too now has 13 great grandchildren just like my nan! I am not an only child I have 3 other sibblings. I am the eldest at 31 then there is J (female)at 28, P (female) at 25 and my baby brother A at 19. A is half dutch and still lives in Holland with his mum M. I have seen a picture of him today taken a couple of years ago. He looks so sweet. He'll kill me for saying that!! I am going to see Grandad tomorrow and I can't wait. Talking to him felt so natural, as though I had known him all my life. I was nervous of talking him not because of who I was but because he went to a Grammar school and was very intelligent from what I had been told! He has an IQ of 150 and my dad was in the 180's. But honestly I had nothing to worry about. We just hit it off. Same sense of humour and I take after him for doing sports as a kid. No one else in the family on either side were sporty at all. They watched it and that's about it! Every cloud has a silver lining. Stay strong and stay positive. Luv Jules xx

Donna

Donna Report 26 Mar 2005 22:25

hi jules that is brill news i am so pleased for you , have you met your grandad today or was you talking on the phone ? jules I bet your grandad had loads to say about your dad and I think it is loverly that you have got siblings , do you look like your brother on the picture I bet you are really excited I think that it is loverly that your grandad has said that you are his grandaughter I think that you both will get on really well I think it is really loverly and I wish you every happiness with your birth family lots of love donna x x x

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 26 Mar 2005 22:26

Donna I am so sorry to hear that your adoptive dad is taking this so badly. Do you have adopted bros and sis? If so, perhaps you could ask your Dad which one of you he loved less when the next one came in! Anyone who has more than one child knows that love grows - you don't love your first child less just because you have had a second one. And you won't love your adopted parents any less, even if you should come to love your Birth Mother. Perhaps your Dad doesnt realise this and you need to tell him how much you will always love him, no matter what. I am sure that he doesnt REALLY mean he wants nothing more to do with you - that sounds more like anger and fear to me. I hope this works out for you. At the end of the day, I think you have a right to have contact with your birth family and hope that your adoptive parents can be wise enough to stand back and let you do this. Best luck Marjorie

Unknown

Unknown Report 26 Mar 2005 22:35

Hi Donna, Thanks for your lovely reply. I only spoke to Grandad today but am meeting him tomorrow. I can see a resemblance to my little bro and to my Grandad. It still seems a little unreal just yet. Jules xx

Donna

Donna Report 26 Mar 2005 22:40

hi marjorie I have not spoken to my addopted dad since he said that as he has gone on holiday ,perhaps when he comes back we can have a talk ,I think you are right he probably did say it in temper but i do not want to loose my addopted dad as he bought me up and I love him to bits I have not got any addopted brothers or sisters as my birth mom she married my addopted dad and then he addopted me when i was 3 years old , my mom and addopted dad went on to have my brother . I would love to get to know all about my birth dad and his family and it is nice that i am talking to my birth sister ,aunty and uncle , I am also talking to my cousins by the internet they seem such loverly people . I can understand that my addopted dad will be sad but i do not think anything will change our relationship he still is my dad who bought me up and i have got alot of respect for him and my birth dad has died so really it is my sisters and his family that i am getting to know , i would have loved to met my birth dad but I can not change the past but hopefully I can look forward to the future lots of love donna x x

Donna

Donna Report 26 Mar 2005 22:48

jules that is so loverly that you look like your grandad and your little brother I bet you will not sleep much to night and I bet you are so excited I am so happy for you please let us know how you get on tommorow and I wish you every happiness with your birth family lots of love donna x x

Rainey

Rainey Report 26 Mar 2005 23:12

hi everyone have just read all your threads and arent they lovely, i am so pleased for all of you, as for me, well i recieved the letter that my birth mum wrote to the lovely joan and yes all the tears came back, i just cant help it, i to would love to know who i look like, do i look like my birth mum do i have a bit of my dad in me, i hope i havent caused her any unhappy memories with love lorraine xx

Donna

Donna Report 26 Mar 2005 23:32

hi lorraine I am so sorry ,it is such a shame that your birth mom would not even send you a photo or a explanation , you searched for so long to be told this my heart goes out for you at this momment you did not ask to be born and i do not know the reason why your mom gave you away but it is not your fault you did not ask to be born and you have not done anything wrong ,it will be her loss in the end at least you have got your addopted parents who must love you to bits to bring you up as there own please just email me if you would like to talk , I hope you have got somebody there to give you a big hug lots of love donna x x

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 27 Mar 2005 05:52

Jules Have a wonderful day on Sunday meeting your grandad Mac (your dad's father). I will be thinking of you. Love Joan

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 27 Mar 2005 06:43

Lou and Lorraine It is hard for me to respond to emails. I am better yakking as everyone knows. I will try and get in touch with you both over the next couple of days. Even though most people think that my part has ended I can assure everyone it never does. I am here always and even if I am not in touch often it doesn't mean I am not thinking of everyone. I was contacted by a young 43 year old woman this week (who I reunited with her twin sisters and brother in 2000) who told me I was going to be a grandma!! Vicki has always called me 'Mum' and I love the fact that she thinks of me in this way. God bless her, I said if it is a girl please don't call her Joan. I predicted that she would be pregnant over a year ago although her partner wanted a child, she didn't and I told her 'you don't get a say' you are going to have another baby. I got it right!!! Much love to Vicki, Peter and their son Elliot and congratulations on the forthoming event. I am taking bets it will be a girl and expected around my boy's birthday in early September.

Unknown

Unknown Report 27 Mar 2005 07:18

Hi Donna, It seems a little weird seeing your face staring back at you from when you were a dreaded teenager I can tell you! As for Grandad well, if I look that good when I'm his age (73) I'll be happy. I can't wait to see more photos being the nosey sod I am! Grandad write poetry too. Something I have a go at once in a while although i am terrible at it! He said he is going to get them published. Will be thinking of you all this afternoon with love. Stay strong. Love Jules xx ps. Thanks for the msg Joan. God Bless you love Jxx

Donna

Donna Report 27 Mar 2005 09:00

hi joan hope you do not mind me adding something on your thread but I think it is loverly that you managed to find all of these people there addopted family you must have spent alot of time doing the reserch for them and alot of people on here have alot of respect for you which is really nice you sound a loverly caring lady who puts other people first It is loverly that you are going to be a grandmar and that you stay in touch with everybody that you have helped I bet you are like a second mum to everyone I think you desrve a star for all the hard work that you do lots of love donna x x