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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Donna Report 27 Mar 2005 09:05

hi jules how are you feeling this morning ? did you get much sleep ?I am really pleased for you and can not wait untill you get back later and tell us all about your meeting I think that your grandad sounds loverly and if he writes poertry he will have alot of love to give to you please let us know ,stay carm and just enjoy yourself this afternoon you have got alot to catch up on lots of love donna x x

The Bag

The Bag Report 27 Mar 2005 17:53

Busy busy buddies, like catching up on the mail after 2 weeks holday and i've only been away 28 hours! I've been with Mum and dad over the weekend - and realised they are the ones that really count - My mum is now in the early stages of Dementia and Dad is'nt really coping - had the strangest feeling driving home - These people who now are going to rely on me more and more, are the only ones that really matter.If i had been adopted by someone else things probably would have been very different - But even now, wouldn't change them for the world,eve if Mum isn't really Mum any more - It sounds big headed, that in the state she is getting into I am glad she has me- i WILL cope with what her illness entails- May way of paying back for the life they willingly gave me. jess x


Donna Report 27 Mar 2005 18:56

hi jess i am sorry to hear about your addopted mum it is really nice to know that she has got you to look after her and it is right they did give you all the love that they could when they addopted you and everyone who has a addopted parent is really lucky and I do think that we owe these parents everything in the world after all they was there for us when we was ill ,our first day of school I think they are really the ones that matter and we owe them alot for all there time and effort that they put in . I think that when we do find our birth parents it must hurt them but i do think everyone should know there roots be good or bad but hopefully we can still have our addopted parents as well Jess have you had any reply off your birth brother , lots of love donna x x

The Bag

The Bag Report 27 Mar 2005 19:00

Hi Donna This is OUR thread, Not Joans - she's got a whole website...He he!!! Nope, nothing from Him. Que sera sera... Jess x


Donna Report 27 Mar 2005 19:08

hi jess sorry jess I do go on abit lol ,I just thought it was loverly what you are going to do for your addopted mum Give your brother time he will get in touch lots of love donna x x


Unknown Report 28 Mar 2005 09:04

Hi everyone, Hope everyone had a nice easter Sunday. I had to put meeting my Grandad off until this week. A close friend of his had been rushed into hospital. I also had to go and see my adoptive family for the traditional egg giving nonsense. Not the kind of atmosphere I enjoy being in but it was for my kids! However I have spoken to my sister last night after she sent me an email. I couldn't wait to speak to her. It was a little crazy as we both have a couple of kids, rather she has 2 more than me!!! It was a little hard to hear over the din. She is still a little shocked but glad not to be the eldest anymore! That job now falls to me. J said I look like my dad but I think my middle lad looks like his double. Especially if I was to put a 70's blonde shoulder length perm wig on him and a moustache. Very spooky! James looks just like my Grandad. I'm not sure exactly who I look most like on Dad's side. Probably Grandad and my sisters. J with the eyes and nose and P with the forehead and blonde hair and bridge of the nose. I am hoping to meet my sister J this week and Grandad. Not sure when but will keep you informed. I was supposed to meet up with cookie and her family yesterday too. Hopefully I can see them today all being well. Grandad has just sent another photo of my Dad is trying to put together a letter for My Dad's last wife and mother of my baby brother. We don't want to upset them or their memory of my Dad. He was very happy with them. I don't know why but maybe, just maybe she was told about me? Probably clutching at straws here. I'm off for now. Talk later. Enjoy yourselves. Love Jules xx


Donna Report 28 Mar 2005 09:38

hi jules That is brill news i was wondering about you yesterday it is nice to talk to your sister on the phone does she live local to you? good luck with your meeting with your grandad next week lots of love donna x x


Unknown Report 28 Mar 2005 09:46

Hi Donna, It was nice to hear her voice. I can't wait to meet her. I only hope we can be really close as sisters should be. J lives nearer birth family and Grandad. Only an hour in the car until we can move nearer. Hope you have a good day today. Love Jules

The Bag

The Bag Report 28 Mar 2005 10:05

Jules. I find a comment you've made possibly 'off the cuff' a bit stunning - have you really only spoken to your birth sister once,made contact with your birth Grandfather and talking about them being an hour away 'until we can move closer'. Are you really seriously planning to up sticks and move to be close to your birth family? Just wondering... Jess x


Unknown Report 28 Mar 2005 11:02

I had already been planning to move away for two years now. Finding my birth family on both sides has been the clincher for me. I have found a place where I finally belong. Things would be different if I had the same relationship with adoptive as you do but in truth I don't. We just love to hate each other. I try not to hate them as then I would be no better than they. They have put me thru hell for 31 years and it's time to move forwards with my life. I will not let them control me anymore or my kids. I have found strength I didn't know I had until I found myself. I know in my heart that if I don't move and continue on this path of destruction I will die. It is a very long and complicated story that only a very few know. Joan knows some of what has happened. I hope to have moved by the end of the summer hols. I can't stay away from my birth family. I'm drawn like a bee to honey. I'm off out now. talk later Jules xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 28 Mar 2005 11:10

JUles, didn't mean to offend/upset you or pry. You have told me a little off thread and respect you greatly for that, I do hope it works out for you - only you know what is right for you and your family - I just hope that having moved to be near them they don't have to move away for any reason.....Jess x


Donna Report 28 Mar 2005 13:02

hi jules I am really pleased for you ,only you truly know what is best for you and your family ,I am sorry to hear that you did not have a nice upbringing with your adopted family ,perhaps like you said you have finnally found peice well inner peice with your self and i wish you every happiness It will probably take alot of time to get to know your family or you might just click like you have never been away from them lots of love donna x x

The Bag

The Bag Report 28 Mar 2005 13:13

Jules Is Grandad Mac, the one you ar hoping to meet , the poet, on your mothers side or your fathers? Where did he fit in 30 odd years ago? Did he know you were born or have you come out of the blue? Jess


Donna Report 28 Mar 2005 13:19

jess i hope you do not mind me joining your thread with jules but I think the grandad who likes poetry was on jules dads side and I do not think that he knew about jules ,but he has accepted her as part of the family bless him lots of love donna x


Julia Report 28 Mar 2005 15:24

Hi, everyone, i have just spoken to Joan, (recomemded by some one on tips board) she suggested i message this thread. I am at the end of my tether, my birth mother and full blood brother seem to have totally disapeared. (i know they are alive!), its comforting to hear all your success stories, its giving me the strength to carry on. I know that my birth father is dead, he had remarried, i have been in touch with his widow ,they had 3 children, my half brother and sisters, but they dont want to know. Sorry to sound so depressed, just needed someone to talk to who understands, my partner is grate but was not adopted and thinks i am obsessed. Julia X


Unknown Report 28 Mar 2005 15:27

Hi Julia Welcome to the mad house! We're a mixed bag on here of success stories, some not so wonderful stories and some who have had total rejection from their birth family once they have traced them I'm still in the early stages with mine (one phone call at the end of last week with my BM which went well but its early days) but all of us on here know how isolating it can be to be adopted and much as your partner is wonderful, I'm sure, like mine, he doesn't really understand because he isn't an adoptee. Lou


Julia Report 28 Mar 2005 15:30

thanks Lou for your reply, you are right about my partner, good luck with your b/m Julia X


Unknown Report 28 Mar 2005 15:32

Julia If its any consolation (and it probably isn't!), it took me 10 years to find my birth mother because the info contained in my adoption file was basically a load of b**l. How much info do you have on yours? Lou


Unknown Report 28 Mar 2005 15:38

Hi again guys, Jess, Don't worry. You didn't offend me at all. Was trying to explain my position a little clearer to those on here who don't know what's what. Mac is Grandad on my Dad's side. He didn't know about me but has greatly accepted me with open arms. Still unsure as to wether my Dad knew about me or not. From what was said in adoption file Mum didn't tell him but thought someone else had and if they did he didn't contact her. I know things are getting a little confusing for everyone. But honestly I truly believe that I know what I'm doing. When I first met Mum's side of the family it was as though I had never been away from them at all. It seems to be going the same way with Grandad. The only thing I know for sure is that I can't spend another 31 years without my family by my side. I don't want to totally seperate from my adoptive family even though it's what they deserve. If I did that then I'd be no better then them! If I wasn't making the right decision then I wouldn't just turn up without telling them and it would be a chore to see them or talk on the phone. I tell them everything. I trust them with my life and I love them just as much as they love me. They never wanted me to go. They kept hoping Mum would change her mind especially as I had to stay in hospital for 10 days after my birth. Unfortunately Mum had made her decision and couldn't go back on her word and hurt my adoptive parents and more importantly upset my adoptive brother. I totally respect her for that and it means a lot to me that she never forgot me and wanted me more than anything in the world. If she didn't she wouldn't have stipulated that I had to have a brother and she haad to meet the family. Not only that but she left me clues to find out about my Dad. Not easy clues but I found him none the less! I love them both no matter what happened back then. The real point is I'm home. Home for me is with my birth family who love me unconditionally. Something I have never had before. That I swear is the truth. Hope everyone is ok and enjoying the sunshine. Love Jules xx Donna, Thanks for your lovely replies. You truely are a little star. How are things on the home front?


Julia Report 28 Mar 2005 15:52

Hi, Lou, I have been searching for nearly a year, not consistantly, i have lots of info from adoption counciler, i know b/m name, D.O.B, I searched and found her dads name, the address of grand parents (i was born there) , my birth dads, name, D.O.B, his parents name, the address at the time of my birth, my parents married a year after having me addopted, have the address where they lived and name of church. got marriage certificate, got brothers birth certificate, born 5 years after me. Got dads death certificate he died 38.years old. Got info on where cremated. Widow still lives in address on death certificate. b/m might have gone abroad with my brother 1970 ish (Mallorca). My brother would have been about 4 or5. You would think with all this info, i would find them!!! Julia X