Genealogy Chat

Very well put RR

From the sound of it, the person acting as intermediary in doing the searching, acted sensibly and with discretion, and not giving the details out to the 'seeker' but letting the 'sought' know and giving him the opportunity to decide what he wanted to do.

It doesn't actually say in the article whether there was a point at which it was obvious to the intermediary that the son knew he was adopted, that he did was great obviously, but one has to think that will not always be the case, and to find that out from a stranger could make for a complete disaster.

I hope those who watch 'Lost Families' and see this article, will also remember that it doesn't always work out so well, and that it is not just the two parties but extended family that might be affected.

Helping reunite adoptees, birth or absent parents and children takes a massive amount of sensitivity , discretion, thought and also some professional detachment I think. It is so easy to forget in your empathy with or sympathy for someone desperate to find a parent or child that there are two sides to the story.

I know from some personal experience that the option to consider the situation before it is 'forced' on you by a knock on the door or phone call out of the blue, is really the minimum needed. As on 'LF', time to read a letter, time to consider the basic 'why, where, and if' before it happens, is likely to make for a better long term outcome.

What makes me sad about this story in particular though is it is so recent, not 'back in the day', and there was a 17 year old girl who obviously had no support to help her keep her child. No one, should 'have' to have their child adopted to keep them alive and in decent conditions, if that is not what they really want to do. ( I admit I have a personal bias lol but will not go into that here).

A touching real life story

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2340319/Here-I-mom-The-Facebook-response-reunited-mother-long-lost-son-adoption-22-years-ago.html