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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:43

If you don't know, there are two previous threads 'Adoption/please be gentle on adoptees' - but they have got very long. The previous threads have worked as a place for adoptees to 'think out loud' and share their experiences with others. I started it (its not a secret) anonomously in order that it was everyones thread, not just mine. I hope having my name at the front will not deter anyone from using the thread. Hopefully fellow adoptees will continue to look in from time to time and be there for each other.

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:45

Doing as I am told and starting chapter 3.. hopefully people will pick out this new thread and relay their stories just as before hope no-one minds but am going to post a couple of the last replies on this thread for continuity. jess

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:46

Added by Maureen Penn on 11/05/2005 10:35:54 Hi Jess. Reading the messages again. I mailed you some time ago regarding friends mother, now 76, trying to get info on her birth family. She was born 1927 and adopted. She only managed to get her original birth cert approx 2 years ago and not a lot of info from Social Worker. It was me that told her just before Xmas that she had a twin sister. (info I see on birth cert gave a time of birth - sign of another birth). To cut a long story short the SW only admitted to 'a twin' after several meetings and an insistance on my friends part that we had found the evidence. However, to date, they will not give her further details of her twin or acknowledge whether she had been adopted or not. They say they have contacted the Westminster courts (place of adoption) and they will not open the file to her, perhaps at 'a later date' was quoted. Hels Bells, the woman is 77. Have they no compassion! She only wants to know if her sister is still alive before it's too late. It's been said on this message line that they now have 'the Right to Information. Apparently that's not actually true. Apparently the Data Protection Act can come into force. It is because the 'other twin' may never have known that she was adopted and may, even now, cause distress. I find that hard to believe in this day and age. If anyone can tell me how to get round this problem I would be only too greatful. All other info regarding birth mother, her marriages and other children, we have found out for ourselves. We only need an adopted name for the 'twin'. Mo.

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:47

Mo Unfortunately there is no cross referencing system for birth/adopted names. SW wont give you that info, any more than they will give me my birth brothers names. For a twin this must be doubly hard, but the info is only open to the adoptee themselves. Do you have the other twin's original birth cert? Was she/he deffinatley adopted too? Jess x

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:47

Added by Sheila Molyneux on 11/05/2005 11:41:53 Hi Maureen, Have you had a look at the orignal entries of 1837, to see what the twins details are? sometimes the number is crossed through with a new number besides it, indicating the entry in the adoption register, if there is an entry you can at least order the birth certificate it may be nice for your friend to have at least some confirmation of her twins birth. Not sure where you stand about acess to information about her though, normally when you view records they will tell you about any older siblings born before you (wonder if you can get around that if she was the younger twin? cannot see what harm it can cause, if her sister had been born a year or two before they may have informed her of this, pretty ironic isn't it?) Good Luck with your search. Sheila

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:48

Added By Jess Bowbag Bobbin dog on 11/05/2005 12:14:17 | Update Message | Delete Message Mo. I am supposed to be decorating (lol) and have been 'thinking' whilst wafting My roller, about this. If you can find the other twins birth record, at least the 'other half' name will be known, maybe you already have done this. The name she was subsequently given 70 odd years ago, at this stage is almost of little consequence in that, even if the social worker gave it to you on a piece of paper today, is going to be almost impossible to trace and even if you were able to trace it, the chances of her being alive i would say are at best 50/50. She'll probably have married, one twice, who knows? if the name was given to you as 'Ethelbert Aberentwhistle' maybe you'd stand a change but if it was 'Jane brown? Please don't be too hard on the SW - she is only doing her Job and what perhaps i'll regret putting to paper (or screen) is the dis-compassion shown by her parents, in not ever telling her the facts. Perhaps i've spent too much time thinking... better go jess

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:49

Hi Mo I agree with everything Jess has said and unfortunately can add no more words of wisdom. I think it's terribly sad that, for whatever reason, the twins were seperated but (at the risk of getting my head bitten off here), have you checked for a death for the twin shortly after the birth? That may be a reason why they were seperated for the adoption. Possibly the other twin didn't survive past infancy. Getting the twin's birth certificate would help you as it should say Adopted across the bottom if that was the case Lou

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 May 2005 20:50

Added by MOE!-in-a- Muddle on 11/05/2005 20:09:05 Hi Maureen, my mother was born in 1922 and adopted in 1926. Next to her birth entry were the words' seeD26' I asked on this site and was told to look at DEC 1926 lo and behold there she was, so note down anything written next to birth entry and put it on this thread i can guarentee someone will be able to help best wishes MOE!...(formally Known as maureen foy) PS JESS WE NEED A NEW THREAD THIS IS ALMOST FULL AND MY FAVOURITE OF THEM ALL


Maureen Report 12 May 2005 13:29

Thanks Jess. Will print your answers out and pass to my friend. Have the other twins birth name but to date, no cert. However, will pass to friend and although we live in the Midlands perhaps she will find the time to visit London and Records Office. Will keep you informed if any luck. Thanks to those have tried to help. I would mention that I have put a query on 'Trying to Find' board giving appropriate names, but to date, no answers. Mo


Unknown Report 12 May 2005 14:59

Just posting so this is locked into my threads!

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 May 2005 15:00

You get locked in there Lou! Jess x


Unknown Report 12 May 2005 19:15

Hi Jess and Lou, How are you both? I have just picked up the photos I took of my little bro Andrew. I also found some taken of when I met my Grandad for the first time! I'm just about to start emailing them to all the family! How has life been treating you two? Hope things have been going well including the decorating! Jules


Sheila Report 13 May 2005 09:54

Hi Everyone, Hope your all Ok, Glad to see the re-union went so well for you Jules bet you have never taken so many pictures as you have in the last few weeks. Better start planning your visit to your brother now, think your going to have a busy year, how's the house sale going on? Has anyone heard if Julia has met up with her cousin yet? bet she has been bag of emotions the last couple of weeks. Anyway of on my holidays for 2 weeks, now so I wish you all the best with your continued searches, and hope to hear more 'Good News' from you when I return :O)) Take Care everyone and once again Good Luck ! Sheila

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 May 2005 11:23

Sheila, Sheila, Sheila... Don't leave us!! You are a lifeline, please cancel holiday NOW!! Go on, enjoy yourself...Just be ready for a list on your return!! Jess x


Sheila Report 13 May 2005 12:00

Hi Jess, I did think of cancelling with so much going on at the moment (being the nosey person I am, but they rest of the family outvoted me :O), never mind I am sure you will keep every on the go, till I get back ! Take Care all. Sheila


Unknown Report 13 May 2005 12:10

I'm actually feeling a little disillusioned with the birth family at the moment, maybe it will pass! After the initial contact and lots of phone calls/text messages and meeting for lunch, it seems to be me who always has to instigate the contact. BM went on holiday Monday just gone, promised to phone me for a chat before she went and nothing. And my half brothers have both had my addie and phone number for almost 4 weeks now but neither has been in contact. Seems odd from two people who have supposedly been desperate to meet their sister for the last 20+ years. Sorry Jess, I know you've been hearing my moans for days on the subject now but thought I'd post and voice my whinges! Lou


Rainey Report 13 May 2005 17:01

hi everyone i have finally recieved my letter from smedley hydro regarding me viewing my adoption file, i then had a letter from my local social services in wimborne (dorset) and i have my first meeting with my adoption social worker on may 24th am really looking forward to it and my lady sounds really nice love lorraine

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 May 2005 20:19

Question is Lorraine, do you think it will contain anything you dont already know? When I went for mine it was the smallest bit that made me cry ( maybe i needed to?) .relaying the fact to Mum later I said that i was suprised B/M had given me a first name. Mum promptly infroms me that she knew that B/M had and that she'd told me my Birth name years ago - Obviously stored in the back of my mind somewhere, and yet it hit me like a bolt out of the blue- very wierd. 24th must be the day this month - my B sister has her op that day, so will remind me to think of you Jess


Julia Report 13 May 2005 20:31

hi Lorriane, good luck for 24th, i saw my adoption counceller in Dorchester last year,( i to am from Dorset) she was really nice and helpfull. Its good to have your file, it makes it all seem more real, although i found it weird reading about myself as a baby it was like looking at someone elses file, if that makes sense?? Julia X


Unknown Report 13 May 2005 20:39

Hi Jess and everyone else I'm probably going to make a botch job of this and I hope it's ok to post on your thread, Jess, as I'm not actually an adoptee. I'm more of an in-limbo kinda gal! I haven't be around for a long time (pressures of work, Lou would say avoidance of doing any hard work on the tree!) so some of you may or may not know that Lou (of the Lancashire variety) is my older sis. She has given me HER advice and opinions but I'd like some from other people too if that's ok. My Mum and Lou's mum were best friends from being at junior school, bridesmaids at each others wedding, etc etc. 9 months after Lou was adopted by her folks, I was born. When I was 9 weeks old, my Mum died of a brain hamemorrage. My brother was 5 at the time. My father announced that he couldn't possibly look after a young child and a newborn baby and I had to be put up for adoption. Lou's parents wouldn't hear of it, they took me in, the rest is history as they say. I was never formally adopted by them but I see them as my family 110%, I call Lou my sister, her parents Mum and Dad and their younger child, Andy, is (in my mind) as much my brother as he is Lou's. I had contact with my mother's parents regularly although they both passed away before I started high school. My father hasn't sent me a birthday card, Christmas card or anything since I was about 8. He was an only child and both his parents had died before I was born so there was never any extended family there to begin with. Since Lou made contact with her birth mother a couple of months ago, it's started me thinking about my father and whether I should attempt to make contact with him. Part of me thinks sod him, what has he ever done for me, the other part of me thinks that maybe he severed all ties to allow me to have as normal a childhood as possible without him hovering in the background. He'll be 72 this year and time is probably running out, I know he remarried but I'm not sure whether his 2nd wife even knows about the daughter he had back in 1970. I would appreciate everyone's HONEST opinions, not just what you think I might want to hear. This is actually the perfect thread to ask this on cos I don't have to say try and put yourself in my position and what would you do. You have all been there at some stage and some way or another. Maddie (Just for the record, Lou reckons I should write to him and give him the choice of calling me or not!!!)