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Todays lesson :))))
Account: A countess' husband.
Accrue: The people who run a ship.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Derange: Where dee buffalo roam.
Experience: The name people give to their mistakes.
Fancy restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose.
Flabbergasted: Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Grocery list: What you spend half-an-hour writing, then forget to take with you to the supermarket.
Handkerchief: Cold storage.
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty: How some golfers create divots.
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies more.
Negligent: Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Opportunist: A person who, when they fall into a river, starts taking a bath.
Psychologist: A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Recliner: Mom's nickname for Dad.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.
Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
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Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Baloney: Where some skirt hemlines fall.
Barium: What we do to most people when they die.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.
Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.
College: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
Divorce: The future tense of marriage.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Independent: How we want our children to be, as long as they do everything we say.
Kissing: A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Oily: The opposite of late.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections, and your confidence after.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
Show-off: A child who is more talented than yours
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Vegetarian: Old Indian word for bad hunter.
Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Yawn: An honest opinion, openly expressed.
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