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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks'.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'
She hears the little boy continue,
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
'For those of you who are p*****d off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.'
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PMSL................I just splattered my keyboard with tea at that one !!!!!!!!!! xx
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Brilliant Foggy, this will do the rounds over here.
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thats so funny ive just had to compose my self from laughing so much
the awful thing is i could just hear some children saying those very words,i know its wrong but how would you stop yourself laughing
that was a good one foggy
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love that one foggy............. xxxxx
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On a Bus..........Not a train this time.......
A man entered the bus with both his front pockets full of golf balls.
He sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed right) blonde.
The puzzled blonde keeps looking at his bulging pockets..
Finally, after such glances from her he said, 'It's golf balls.'
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully, and finally not being able to contain her curiosity any longer asked..........
'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'
Bob
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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home.
You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it.*
*Caution... They Walk Among Us!*
*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and
said...'where???'*
**They Walk among us!!*
***
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.' *
**They Walk Among Us!!*
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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!*
***
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin.
Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-k/gr.*
**They walk among us! *
****
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the boot...*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!*
***
My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... *
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!*
***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! *
***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived
yet?'...*
**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!*
***
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*
**Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!*
*Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!*
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