General Chat

Do you ever worry about the NHS at all? You should -

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow





1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.


2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.


3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.


5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.


7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.


10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.


11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


12. She is numb from her toes down.


13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.


14. The skin was moist and dry.


15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.


19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.


20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.


24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.


25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

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27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.


29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.


30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.


32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.


33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.





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As a secretary for the NHS would defend my colleagues and state that they only type what they are being dictated or what they have seen written down. If the letter has been signed by the consultant then its the consultant you should be aiming any digs at, as he/she should be the one to correct any errors.

Also NHS secretaries are poorly paid in comparision with profit making organisations.

You have to start worrying when the Doctors are not doing their job properly!

Tina

Sorry Tina...Wasn't getting at medical secretaries,just thought it was a laugh how things can get mis-transcribed.
We of all people know in doing our family history how information can be interpreted wrongly.

I am due in hospital soon for an op I had an x--ray a couple of months ago which showed a break which had pretty much healed and was within the last few months(an orthopeadic consultant showed my friend and I where it was on the x-ray). Having extreme pain for a couple weeks I returned to the hospital to see if it was possibly broken again and as film is accessible throughout the nhs they were able to view the x-rays so three A&E doctors had looked at it telling me they couldnt see where it had been broken. Its a good job my friend was with me at the time cause I felt like I was a liar. I hope no-one encounters these three doctors in an emergency - no wonder we have no faith in the nhs

I remember reading somewhere that doctors in Norfolk occasionally add "NFN" to their notes.

This, apparently, means "normal for Norfolk".

Jill

Here's another for you....

60 yrs of NHS


Lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:

Lady - Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree.. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?

Hospital - Do you know which ward she is in?

Lady - Yes, ward P, room 2B

Hospital - I'll just put you through to the nurse station

Nurse - Hello ward P, how can I help?

Lady - I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?

Nurse - I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.

Lady - Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thankyou ever so much!

Nurse - You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?

Lady - No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you f**k all in here...'

~~~~~~~waves to Brenda~~~~~~~~

Sorry, thought you were having a go at us secretaries, my apologies. I obviously had lost my sense of humour for a while pmsl.

Cheers
Tina xx

A copy of a medical report sent out recently concerning my o.h. (long story, will explain later when final results happen) stated 'has had unexplained falls' - when we queried it, as he has never had unexplained falls, seems the consultant meant to write 'unexplained spells'
Oh well that's ok then, means something different entirely but had a big influence on a decision made that has caused major upheaval. Corrected information passed on by consultant, has o.h. had an apology? - not on your nellie!

Heads are going to roll when this charade is over, and not just with PALS.

Lizx

nudge for Mac