General Chat

These are extracts from reports typed up by medical secretaries (who may have been suffering from brain death at the time):

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.


2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.


3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.


5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
disappeared.


7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.


8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.


10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but
forgetful.


11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


12. She is numb from her toes down.


13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.


14. The skin was moist and dry.


15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid..


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
got a divorce.


19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.


20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.


24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.


25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran
out of fuel and crashed.


29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.


30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.


31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.


32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stock broker instead.


33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.

pmsl
you must work with the same docs as I do
here's one we always recall

"on examination, patient was lying on bed, legs akimbo"

Oh dear what a laugh you've given me
thankyou
Carol x

Really good laugh Brian; best medicine!

Meri

Brian, thanks for this oh and i havent laughed so much for ages, great medicine....



Jean x

I cannot see for tears of laughter, as a secretary in the NHS just had to laugh, thankfully I am not a medical secretary.

Thank you for the laugh I needed that.
Tina x

19 Should read
UNDER THE CAR
Otherwise it makes sense!

Thanks Brian.... enjoyed reading these...made me chuckle. LOL

I remember the following from benefit interviews many years ago ....

'How will the birth of my second child affect my family planning?'

'What is happening about my infidelity benefit?' (used to be Invalidity benefit then)

Hard to keep a straight face and answer..........