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A laugh to start your day Ladies
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly
knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It
doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The
dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is
handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one,
but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom
would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume
' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh
muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken
time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you
reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your
mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to
clean the seat, you would have KNOWN
there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your
nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around
your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to st rangle yourself at
the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way
possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't
work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the
toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of
course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat
because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you
had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if
she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet
seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don'tKNOW what kind of diseases you could g
et.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of
the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a
fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that
covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow
sucks everything down wit h such force that you grab onto the empty toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked
by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe
with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously
to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the
faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry
paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper
trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your
shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might
need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has
long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom Annoyed, he asks, 'What
took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal
with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally
explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their
other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else
could describe it so accurately!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves
You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
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You've been watching me:)
Sue (from Oz)
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You never know where I will turn up Sue. LOL
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Been there and done that! Glad to know it happens to others too.
Just shows we are not alone! (shows the men too)!
I'm still laughing!
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hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Havn't been able to get my thoughts past the part about trembling thighs.!!!!
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