General Chat

Hi All

Huia
Is there an Alzheimer's support group in your area? It may be only once each month (I have forgotten for the last two months and suggested that I should be on the other list if it continues) but it is good to be able to chat with those in a similar situation. Re-joing the choir is a great idea for there is nothing like music to lift the spirits and the contact again with choir friends would be good. Go for your walks and take the camera and when you get back to the computer download them trim, lighten and generally edit and label and you will find the hours go by and you can do the gardening tomorrow. Have you thought of writing some thoughts about your life before you met Phil and later. Once you start the memories will flood back and there won't be enough time in the day. It is rewardingfor you and the family in that you will be leaving a little more than you have been left. Hope the car is going well again and you are remembering the garage door. Alzheimer's is very isolating and more so for the one without the condition.

Jean

I had not had a nose-bleed in years but during the last month or two I have had about four very bad ones. One was when on the way to golf when I had sneezed I said to the other guys that I would give it a miss. Someone suggested plugging it with a piece of paper napkin from the cafeteria. So did I look a "Joe". every now and again I would replace it and when I got back to the car I looked as though the opposition had been poor losers and had punched my nose for I had blood all around that nostril. They might well have felt like it for we beat them 8 up with 6 holes to play, so it was they who got the thrashing. I had heard years ago that it was one of the symptoms of cirrhosis of the liver. Surely that cannot be for I have hardly had a drop for years. I did go to the doctor and he could feel a slight imperfection which was probably the chicken pock that I had when about 28 when my nose bled like a stuck pig. Maybe cauterizing is the final answer.

Love to all

Bob

JeanMonmouth, I hope your OH has seen a doc about his headaches and nose bleeds?

Huia.

I have been feeling depressed and lonely for a while and not sleeping well so I went to the doc yesterday. She prescribed some sleeping pills, I took half one last night and it is the best sleep I have had in ages, I feel almost like a new woman this morning. In fact I went outside and walked briskly (for me) 3 times around the house to get some of the exercise I need. If the rain stays away I might go for a 'proper' walk somewhere locally later. The trouble is I will probably take my camera and stop frequently to take photos.

Doc also prescribed some mild antidepressants. I have to have a quarter of one for 2 mornings then half one for 5, then a whole pill for the rest of them. I am also thinking of rejoining choir to get the social life I need. Not that I have ever been a 'social' social animal but I do miss having human company here. I will also see about helping in one of the op shops in town once a week.

Huia, caring for herself.

I thought this thread had been mislaid. Maybe it means all are well and coping. I am getting worried about the blinding headaches my OH is getting. Nothing seems to shift them and they dont match any description of migraine that I have come across. He usually also gets a nosebleed, and they happen when he has been rather busy, such as when we do shopping for a fortnight at Tesco for selves and neighbour. He has to do all the carting as I cant carry. He is thinking I will have to goback to doing it on-line, but it is nice to get out sometimes.

Is this the one?

I miss having Phil around. Yesterday I had an appointment in town at 4.30 pm and after lunch I had the sudden thought that I should check the oil and water in our vehicle. Water was fine, although I added a little bit. Oil, I removed the dip stick, wiped of the oil that was smeared up it, replaced it (with great difficulty), removed it again, and shock horror there was no oil on it! I called in at the local garage on my way to town and got more oil put in. I dont know why the oil warning light hadnt been showing, unless it had only just got to the stage of being empty. I must ask my son about it. And make an appointment for the wagon to be serviced, I think it is due soon. These are the things that I never had to worry about in the past. When Phil first went into care there were a couple of occasions when I had been out most of the day and when I came home I found the garage door was open. I had forgotten to shut it, which is what Phil did for the previous 3 or 4 years when we went out, since he was no longer driving. I now have a manilla folder on which I have written SHUT GARAGE DOOR in large letters. I prop it on the steering wheel when I come home so I will remember next time I go out. I think I will now have to add OIL and WATER to the folder, although they wont need to be checked every time.

Huia.

Thanks Huia

I could not agree more. BH's vocabulary is so diminished that our chats are missed are largely consigned to be one of the treasured memories. That is why it has been so good to be able to share on this site. Guys do not seem to open up as gals on sensitive things such as the loss of such an important (amongst all the others) thing as that of talking to a loved one but funny old me finds that talking openly with women friends and relative who have shown a willingness to listen has become easy. I remember showing a DVD with music and photos over the 50 years together to our doctor suggesting that I was getting obsessed. He told me that I had every reason to be and what I had done following our Golden Wedding anniversary was an important healing experience. I know there were a few tears during the time it was put together and continually edited to ensure music and shots were appropriate.

Recently I had wondered how I could say thank you in a tangible way for the seven women who have emailed given meals sent letters phoned during this time. We are inviting them and our three daughters a night out so that they can express the gratitude shared on our behalf. BH will be then in care and I would be overwhelmed by such numbers if I attended.

Hope all that inconvenience soon passes and the "sheep dip" is no longer required.

Love to all

Bob
PS I will certainly keep up with my golf. Yesterday I had an 85 which included a 9 on one hole so I was pretty pleased.

Bob, you have a difficult and sad time ahead. I know how hard it is. I feel a bit like a widow, but havent had a funeral yet. I have shed plenty of tears and still shed them sometimes. Make sure you keep up your golf. Dont forget to come on here and tell us of your doings and sorrows and joys. I have found it helpful to 'talk' to people who know what it is like. Best wishes for what lies ahead.

Love, Huia.

Hi All

I shared a sadness with a fair amount of detail on 13 march and then felt I had to edit it severely. However we went to the 80th Birthday and had a wondeful time. I am sharing the message we left with our book gift.

R......’s 80th Birthday

R..... has many roles!

A woman, a good friend, a mother, a grandmother, a widow of my best friend, names just a few. One description that has probably never been allocated to her is ”a card”. One of the endearing qualities of R...... before and after marriage was the fun and uproarious laughter when she was with her sisters and cousins and at all family gatherings. The coming together and displaying such warmth and vibrancy is a real gift that is shared without measure with others.

Thank your R...... for sharing that same joy with us so many times.

When I thought about the word “card”, a second word immediately sprang to mind that of “tricks”. We boys learned “500” at the farm at K......, during holidays with our Grandma. We learned there were Spades, Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts and No Trumps and depending on the hand that was dealt you could go for anything from “six” to “ten”. There is no similarity between what is dealt at the card table and what we get given in life. In life we do have the opportunity to make some of our own choices. In others, like the dealt hand, we have none. The similarity that I suggest may be in the way we play that poor hand that we have been given. We cherish all the special times when we had good hands and possibly with a good partner and the joker we may have had “Ten No Trumps” occasionally. In a family situation where love is the focus we continue playing for the joy of being alive and loved until we reach that point when we leave them and then learn the whole point of our existence.

We, personally, are not far from that point now. BH will shortly be leaving the table that she has shared with me for over fifty-three years and join a table with strangers for a sojourn of “ Who knows how long?” So we would like to thank you all for inviting us for it will probably be our last celebratory function.

With our love to all your family

BH and Bob 6 June 2010

and Love to all also

Yes, Bob, I am a girl and a rather old one at that. Best wishes with choosing a home. At least the charge nurse at Middlemore recommended a couple of places, with one getting extra special mention. Son and I went to look at it and didnt even bother to look at the other. The carers are so wonderful. The only problem is that there is a minor outbreak of scabies or something similar, but they are treating everybody for it, including the staff. I have to treat myself. Not much fun smelling of malathion, even if it is (allegedly) perfumed. It is not easy to apply it all over (except the face) but I had a sponge on a stick and was able to use that to do my back. And then there is the heap of washing to do the next day. Not the best of weather for that.

I was going to visit Phil today and take a clearfile folder in which I had put some photos for him to look at, but I think the visit will have to wait. I dont fancy driving in traffic in this nasty wet and windy weather.

Huia.

Hi all

Gail is trying to get me into a Trans-Tasman rivalry dispute on the merits of NZ lamb compared with Oz. I am not buying into that for the Aussies always seem to win in contests with us. I think it is the "Big Brother" complex. Her dad was thought to be a stranger in the house, but I have to admit at times they do not come much stranger than me and that is from friends without Alzheimer's.

The talk of wages takes me back to my grocery delivery-boy days for Self Help after intermediate school. I was paid 10/- per week and after asking for a raise, for the Farmers boy got 15/-. my pay was increased to 12/6 and I felt I lived like a king.

Our care-giver left me a note today saying three months max. before full time care was needed and it is better earlier than wait for a crisis.

We have a couple more homes to inspect before we make that decision.

Love

Bob

PS Because I go to bed late (10.30-12.00) I have no trouble in sleeping
Up at 6.30 to make the porridge. I have been known to drop off on the couch for an hour and miss the news. My friends sent me a birthday card saying that I was the only person they knew who could watch TV with my eyes closed. Hmmmm!
PPS Then Huia you must be........dare I say it....a girl!

It would have been one shilling and twopence old money for the meat. Dont forget the average wage for ordinary workers at that time would have been about £2 ten shillings,or fifty pence. My dad earned £6.00 a week in 1947.

Hello there Bob, nice to know you are still in the land of the living. I do admire you for carrying on with the caring. I couldnt. I just wasnt getting enough sleep and it was a case of 'him or me' and if it had been me it would have been him too as he couldnt stay here on his own.

I think Phil still knows that I am somebody familiar, whether or not he knows just who I am I do not know. He seems more alert these days, or at least on some of my visits.

I am not sure whether that meat was one shilling and 2 pence or one halfpenny. It wasnt clear to me.

You are not all that old, Bob, Phil is 80 and I am 74. And oi aint no loidy!

Love, Huia.

Hi Bob, I am not a carer but my OH is. Your post did make me laugh though. My mother had Alzheimers, and if you do not laugh you will cry. My sister used to get angry with me when I would find the humour in things that were said or done. Once my mother introduced me to my father, she got an awful shock when I said I knew him and then had to explain how I knew. It was so funny at the time, as I had been aware and lived with my parents for many years until I married. Sister thought it was awful that we laughed, dad had to leave the room as he had the giggles so bad.

My mother did not know who I was for many years, but she knew where I lived and my name, goodness knows who she thought I was. Dad was a stranger living in her house, and he would cop it from her husband when he got home.

Now OZ lamb I would prefer as not as expensive as NZ lamb, anything that is easy to cook is preferred.

So LOVE to Bob and take care.

Gail

Hi all

I hesitate to be the one to start off after such a long silence. I always feel that my big cyber-mouth gets me into cyber-trouble and everything goes very quiet.

Now ladies you have cast your shackles off, haven't you?

Been to a couple of funerals in the last week. One an Alzheimer's (and Parkinson's) casualty. The other an 87 year old, well two days short of her birthday. BH had a T.I.A. just as I was getting her a cup of tea. Caught her before she fell and the celebrant got a chair and after the usual five-seven minutes. she was as right as rain. Well we went home without having had a bite or drink but made up for it when we got home.
Fours days a week in day care now but that puts a bit of pressure on the 2-3 day showering and getting out. Made it today but not without a performance. Dare I say "Not a pretty sight". I shared with a support worker, "Am I the only one that thinks that when the shouting starts that the temptation to aim the shower at the open mouth is great?" Naughty. But hey I am an amateur trying to be a "Pro" and I am told that greater medication would be used but having just given the breakfast dose I would not want to give another one for the sake off saving a few shouts and a little wetness. Telling BH that we might get kicked out for the noise is like water off an Alzheimer's sufferer's back.

Huia those letters sound great and it needs someone like you to ensure that they do not go into the dustbin. Was it one shilling and twopence or one halfpenny for the weekly meat allowance?

Liz
Have you tried getting Lamb fillets and when cut into 1/2" medallions they can be cooked as quick as fish. But of course it must be NZ lamb!!!! They are $25.95 per kilo here. I got four yesterday ($11.99, I gave the butcher $12.00 and told him to keep the change, Oh I am all heart!) and they are good if you are trying to lose weight (as I am) for then one is enough then for two people.
I think we probably all over-eat anyway.

Love to all

Bob
PS I am gradually getting comfortable sending "Love" to women friends whom I email for "Kind regards" seems as though one is scared of causing offence by expressing the love of a friend to a friend. What do you think? (After all I am 79 this year. Oh dear now I have really put my foot in it!)
PPS Now girls (you are going to say "Ladies" please) get cracking.

Today my sister gave me some letters which mums second cousin in Romford had written to her in 1941 (no wonder I am a hoarder!). Cousin had 4 in the family (2 adults, 2 children) and was allowed 1/2d worth of meat a week. 'Rabbits seem to have gone to their holes, they are few and far between these days, about the only meant not rationed except chickens. When you have been used to spending 2/- a day on meat and buying dozens of eggs a week and you come down to 4/8 on meat a week and 1 egg per person it seems strange.' My sister, who is actually older than me, had not realised they had had it so hard over there. It must have been hard knowing what to cook for dinner. Or was it easy, since there wasnt much choice?

The 4 letters, all 1941, are very interesting. The cousin used to go out at night on fire-watching duty, I think.

I still have to look at a lot of the stuff my sister gave me. She is having a clear-out, something I should be having instead of collecting more stuff! But some of it is too important to throw out.

Huia

Hi Liz

I was just driving in after having picked up BH from the first of her three days at day-care and thinking I was feeling a little tired pondering that it was a long long time since I had a holiday. On reading your posting I now feel why am I feeling that. I have it made!

On the question of men's stubborness I can only plead that this is genetically programmed for when we were hunters and gatherers. We needed to keep going until there is food for the table. But of course most recognize that this has long since gone.

Commendable as D.I.Y. is, (and I have done plenty myself) there is a time when one should recognize that tradesmen need to be called in sometimes to finish jobs that we have been procrastinating on.

BH once said to a friend that she had traimed me well. Never being at a loss for words, as you will all have gathered by now, my reply was that I came well-trained. Mum, a working mum in the late 1930's, organised us to do the potatoes put the prepared meal into the oven (remembering later to turn the top off and bottom to low and not burn tthe potatoes). Dad had we boys go down to the beach each day and pick up half a sugar-sack of small stones for his drainage of the garden. Dishes at night were on rosters, My eldest sister and I one night and the next my two elder brothers. Did I ever tell you that sheep hearts that Mum had stuffed were one of our favourite roast meals. At 6d. each in the 1930's that was a great meal.

We all have it made today, but unfortunately some do not accept their limitations.

Love to all but C'est La Vie!

Bob

Oh dear Jean, that's a real problem for you. My o.h. is the same in that he won't get anyone in to do work, he hasn't worked on the bathroom changes he started in Nov 2007 - we have had no bathroom cupboard since then and just one mirror door from the old cabinet propped on a shelf over the sink where I have as many of my shampoos and such as I can fit on together with the toothpaste etc. I won't leave my toothbrush out in the open as the shelf is about 18" from the loo so I have to put mine on the window sill in between a clean dry flannel to keep the toilet germs away from it. There is no heating in the bathroom at all now, at least before there was one of those old fashioned electric heaters on the wall to take the chill off in winter before having a bath but now nothing! He started tiling round the bath as that had only tile on a roll wallpaper there before, and he put in a shower but it's not fully fitted yet so not usuable and there is still some tiling to finish, some grouting to do and the walls to decorate, they are chocolate brown which was the colour he put on before he papered it during his marriage. The suite is that goldyyellow SunKing so the room needs finishing off to make it look anything half decent - oh and the tatty old carpet is still down, he is yet to decide on wall colour, flooring and cupboard style. I did suggest he get someone in to finish it but he has this idea no one will do it as well as he could, well best he gets on with it lol He desperately needs a new kitchen as the current one is 28 years old, and scruffy beyond belief, the carpet is the orange and brown axminster one that goes through the dining area of the kitchen diner, all very tiny - kitchen and bathroom are the same size, around 6' x 7' and the lounge is a through room off the kitchen diner so with a pinky terracotta carpet that is now 13 years old, it looks awful I can see a mad splurge if his son decides to bring his new wife over from NY for the other son's wedding and you know who will bear the brunt of the organising, sorting out and cleaning etc Just hoping and praying the NY son will only have enough money to come over alone - he still hasn't got a job even tho he has his green papers now and has been living off the woman he married since Dec 2008 and she has two little girls.

He has loads of stuff to do outside the house too, new facia boards, new garden gate and fence around it, and all the sills and such to be stained again and varnished as they are wearing badly, and will he get someone to do it, no way!

Hope you can find a way round your problem Jean, do not push yourself and make yourself ill with the work. I know it's not nice to know the place isn't as you'd like it but your health is paramount, and maybe at some point you can get a few little jobs done by someone close to you.

Why are men so stubborn lol?

Take care

Lizxx

Oh I have been moaning about having to think of what to cook and do it and then wash up every evening - well all weekends, all week on alternate weeks and every Friday, and only have four evenings when he is at work so I can please myself and eat my favourite things that he doesn't like.
Last evening he announced that it would help me if I wrote down what is in the freezer (I already know what's there!!) and we could plan a menu for the week so I didn't have to worry about what to make for dinner. How b****y kind of him! What he didn't take into account that when my fm etc is bad is when I struggle to think of something I can just throw in the cooker to do itself almost. Oh well says he, we can choose some easy and some more complicated meals and switch them about accordingly. He says he won't cook anymore because I made a fuss about all the stuff he left for me to wash up, he is one of those men who use every bowl and pan around and the other thing is, he never cooks much, and always less than three veg so we don't get our quota per day. It's ok now and then but I make sure we have as much veg as possible, also I cook according to his dietary needs, with his high cholesterol and diabetes. His idea of a meal is tuna and pasta bake which is fine, but that's all you get, no extra veg or carbohydrate which he needs for his diet, just a small tin of sweetcorn with the fish and pasta! He has always provided twice as much protein and a tiny amount of veg and carbohydrate with meals, and his diabetes needs the right balance to keep it in check.

So after him shouting that he would never cook for me again, he has given up the idea of menus and things are no different lol

Purple, my worst problem is a husband who cant see that I find things difficult. He does help, but is always eager to get up to his lathe or the garden, anything so long as its not housework. Paintwork dirty, He cant see it. Curtains need washing, we did them last year! That sort of thing. He doesnt tolerate strangers in the house.

Bob, here in the country the blowflies fly up the stairs from the basement. I can have the front door shut, a screen on the back door and windows but because I leave the door at the top of the stairs to the basement partly open for the benefit of the cat I get blowflies in the house. I hate them. And then there are the silly little flies that fly in squares. They annoy me.

Hi there again Liz.

Huia.