General Chat

Hi all, I would like some feedback if possible about this story, a very close friend of mine was put up for adoption at birth. When she became an adult she tried, and successfully traced her blood family. She asked to meet up with her 2 sisters, which they both agreed, at the end of the meeting the eldest sister agreed to meet up again and told my friend that the other sister wanted nothing more to do with her, my friend thought that was a bit strong but respected her wishes. After a few further meetings with the eldest sister, she suddenly and without apparent reason broke off all communication with her. 30 years later the sister that wanted nothing more to do with her, made contact through this website, saying how nice it was to find each other again, and that it was the elder sister telling a pack off lies, and that she did want to meet up again all those years ago. After several e-mails between them where my friend opened up and told her all she wanted to know about her upbringing, etc.... the sister, after running out of questions for my friend to answer, sent a final e-mail saying that she wants nothing more to do with her, again!!!!
has anyone else suffered this kind of rejection from a family member either in the past or present,
thankyou for reading this.

Yes similar. My real father had married 3 times, I was from the first marriage, when my mother remarried I was adopted by my new dad..... 3 boys from the 2nd marriage and 1 daughter from the 3rd. I am in regular contact with my new sister, but the one boy did reply to my letter via e-mail but then nothing. Maybe the one sister is making it hard for the others to have contact with you, many find it difficult to be "reminded" of their past, my mother has not spoken to me for 2 years since I told her about my sister. Who knows, people may think their reasons for not acknowledging the past are the correct ones, but who is to say what is. I wish your friend all the best and hope that this doesn't deter her from her research.

I am sorry your friend has been so hurt, twice. Trying to view it objectively , the sisters may have felt curious to know about the past but felt unable to fit the past and present together in a meaningful way.... they do not share the family experiences that hold siblings together after they are adult maybe?

Not to say that they couldn't have handled it better. Posssibly the second sister bowed to pressure from the eldest?

I hope your friend can in time take it not as a slight to herself , which it may well not have been, but as two sisters who are 'keeping their past the way they knew it' so to speak.

Rose xx

Without knowing who reared the other two, it is difficult to guess why they have been so fickle with their attitude to their sister.

However, she is quite normal in wanting to meet her sisters, but just how much do they have in common? In her position, I would naturally want to meet them, but once you do that, what then? You see what they look like and you get to know their personalities - but what about interests, etc.? They might have led a very different lifestyle from the one which she has led. Perhaps they are jealous?

Now that her curiosity is satisfied, I think she should leave it up to them to contact her and not worry about them if they don't. She has probably made a family of her own and still has the family who reared her, so she should spend her time with those she is most comfortable with.

This happens with birth siblings who are raised by their own parents..............people grow up and sometimes have nothing in common and drift apart.

It is sad, but sometimes it's better to lead separate lives than try and keep a struggling relationship going just because you are siblings.