General Chat

What do I do when someone insists on seeing my tree without showing me theirs?
I have explained I would need more info from them before I give permission, but they still are not granting access or info.
Is it fair that if someone wants info from you they grant you access in the first instance, or have I been doing the wrong thing all this time?
Would like others opinions on this matter, Thanks.

Sue

Just say no.

If they are seriously interested and think there is a genuine link the least they can do is share with you what that link might be - or let you see their tree to see if there is a link.

Otherwise, just ignore them.

Jill

The can't 'insist' on seeing your tree and don't have to give you access to theirs either.
Ask how they think they are related? or which line of your tree are they interested in? or which ancestor? You might then be able to answer them without giving them access but MAKE SURE you 'hide' all living relatives.

Don't be too quick to grant access unless the relationship is obvious - ask questions first. Whilst most people are sincere, as with everywhere else - we do have our occasional 'weirdo', and we should always be aware of people who gather info for the purpose of identity-theft.

Thanks Jill,

My thoughts exactly, but I guess I needed to know I wasn't being rude.

Love your community name 'Mrs Grumpy' :)

Sue

I had someone ask to see my tree without letting me view theirs at all. After I told him the info about my ancestor which I had, he told me he had her parents names, her brothers and where they were born but didn't think that match was better than 50/50 so wouldn't let me see his tree. I decided not to grant access to him after that - I had already told him everything. Now I wait until I have more info before I open my tree and I never grant access when asking about matches - I tell what I have first and go from there.

Alison

Thanks everyone!
You have all said what I feel, but I had not come across anyone so reluctant to share & be fair.
I wanted to be sure I wasn't being rude or unfair.
That sounds silly, it's my tree after all, as you said Rita, and I have put in a lot of hours & hard work & I guess I expect others to respect that, just as I respect their hard work.

Anyway, thanks again everyone & I wish you all good luck in knocking down those brick walls, finding those strays & filling in the blanks.

Happy Hunting!

Sue

Someone contacted me recently regarding the name 'Swinbank' and just asked,'Please can i have access to your tree'
I always ask how they think we may have a liink and she replied,
'Because I am a Swinbank'.
Well Im sorry but i dont think that constitutes me giving access to my hard work,,

Nobody has the right to demand access to your tree.
Did you know that, if they make a nuisamce of themselves GR can block them for you?

Ann
Glos

When i first joined i was asked by a gent for access to my tree which naively I gave not knowing any better thought it was what was done.He then went on and PM telling me off for all i had done wrong in his mind,pages of it. Not one match did we have!! Lesson soon learnt.x

Tell them where to go.

If someone genuine I find they are more than happy to exchange details before giving or expecting access, I also find if you say to people 'I'm not going to open my tree but an willing to send you all I know about that branch' no one objects, as their's no need for anyon but immediate family to see my whole tree.

Some people though are new, don't yet appreciate the time and effort it takes to put a tree together, but even then I find a bit of explination as to why I am not happy to just open my tree works wonders, or they disappear.

Like many I got caught out by a name collector when I first started out, although I get the last laugh as my intial educated guesses were wrong.