General Chat

i have just found out that my father was not the father of my brother and my brother doe,s not know my brother is now 64 years of age and suffering from cancer do i tell him or let it alone!

If there is no need for your brother to know I would not say anything.He has thought for 64 years that that was his Dad.I think just best left alone.I hope your brother will recover from the cancer.
Jane (Helen)

hi thank you helen for you reply i am only asking as the rest of the family say he should know . and as i am the oldest i should tell him.

I agree with Helen, what purpose will it serve? Probably only to upset him at a time when he doesn't need this.

hi somerset man we have not spoken before i hope you dont mind me adding first of all you have to consider how ill your brother is and what would the news do to him also how sure are you about this is it just hearsay or fact also i would ask myself what can be gained from this now as once you have opened the can of worms as they say there is no way back personally i would want to know but you know your brother so only you can answer that is he likely to find out from someone else if so maybe it would be better coming from you

My hubby has a half brother.The half brother does not know and thinks he is a only child.I thought his half brother should know but hubby says no need to now as it would not serve any puporse at there age. Annie

What Is A Dad

A Dad is a person
who is loving and kind,
And often he knows
what you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens,
suggests, and defends.
A dad can be one
of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
but when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient
and helpful and strong
In all that you do,
a dad's love plays a part.
There's always a place for him
deep in your heart.
And each year that passes,
you're even more glad,
More grateful and proud
just to call him your dad!


I think this is the man he called Dad I would not tell him.

Shirl

THANK YOU ALL for your input,s i will bear it in mind when i make up my mind what to do.

hi rita he has only a short certificate thats all that he has ever had.

I heard recently of a true life similar situation; the person was in terrible shock at the discovery; it was like suffering a bereavement.

If it were me, I would say nothing.

Dear Somersetman

There is no reason for him to ever know.

It would solve nothing to tell him of this.

The man who he has known for 64 years and that raised him
is his Father, regardless of what it says on a birth certificate.

You are still his brother. His family is still his family.

That is all that matters.

Why does the rest of the family want to tell him?

Anything to do with his birth certificate, is his personal business.
It is not for anyone to decide to tell him.

As your brother has cancer, his health and welfare are the only things that matter.

He needs love and support.

My family send our very best wishes to your brother
and wish him well.

Best wishes
xx

Somersetman

Is it fact that he has a different father i.e. have you seen his full birth cert or is it just a rumour in the family. If it is fact I agree with the others he is to ill at the moment to take any further shocks. Stress is just not good for anyone with cancer and he would be completly devastated.
Notice "the family" are putting the pressure and possibly blame for upsetting him on yourself. Do give this a lot of thought please.
Best wishes for a good outcome for your brother's health.

We haven't spoken before, but felt that I had to add to your thread.
I agree with the others, it would be best not to tell him, with him being so ill.
Also as PatKendrick pointed out, they seem so keen on you being the one to tell him, and if it upsets him, you are going to be the one that will be blamed.
Why do they feel that he should be told about his dad?
I know you are the eldest, but why should it fall on your shoulders to tell him.
Do you think that your mum and dad might have already told him years
ago, but he's never wanted to confide in any of you. It's just a thought!
It could be that he knows, and always considered your dad , as his real dad. After all he was the one that brought him up, and loved and looked after him.

Hope it all sorts itself out, please just take care.

Sallie.

Hi,

I have to agree with the others, what purpose would be served telling him now especially with his illness. The stress of being told this news, If he's not already aware and just kept it to himself, could make his health deteriorate even quicker. You have to go with what you believe to be in his best interests but if I was in the same situation I wouldn't say anything.

Chris

Hi, Somersetman,

I don't think we have spoken before.

Please, don't tell him, not yet... I think that might be too much for him to deal with just now.

I have just had a bit of a battle with cancer... and I know that it took all my strength, both physical and emotional, to help me cope with the horrendous treatment and the trauma of having cancer... just getting my head around it was an effort in itself.

I am now in remission, but am still not emotionally strong enough to deal with any major stress... and that, to me, would be pretty major.

Good luck with whatever you decide... does your brother have a partner or children you could discuss this with? Or do they know already and want you to deal with it?

Take care

Love

Daff xxxxxx

I can't believe family members want to tell this man this when he is going through so much at the moment.

How insensitive of them.

xx

Your Dad must have regarded your brother as his son Somersetman, otherwise you would have known before.........out of respect of your Dad, if nothing else, I would keep this away from your brother.....

sally

Hi

I would normally try and help people find their Birth Families, but in this case I would say do not tell him, he has enough to contend with at the moment without having to think about this.

At this moment in time, what would it achieve he needs to concentrate on himself, to find out something like this could be extremely emotional for him, and if he suddenly was to decide to trace his BF what would happen if he finds he has passed on, or even harder to deal with that he does not want to know :O(

This could be opening up a can of worms, that he would not be able to deal with at the moment, things may change later on, but for now I would get the family to just give him as much support as possible in getting through this illness, my best to wishes to him with this .