General Chat

From BBC

"Bridget Jones is not alone in turning to self-help mantras to boost her spirits, but a study warns they may have the opposite effect.

Canadian researchers found those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.

They said phrases such as "I am a lovable person" only helped people with high self-esteem. "

have you read any 'self help' books? and did they work lol. I have read a few what might be termed 'motivational' books....and felt motivated while I was reading them....but it soon wore off ! lol...

I think the only one that did have a fairly productive result, was 'life laundry' about clearing clutter and letting go at the same time, I did that before my last move with lots of old cards and love letters and felt better for it somehow.

Rose xx

Hi Rose......If people with low self esteem feel worse after saying positive statements.

Would saying negative ones like ...."I am useless".... Have the opposite effect. Or simply lower their esteem at a greater rate?

lol Stevie, well I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself, being somewhat 'contrary' I would probably say "I'm useless!" and then argue the point ;) going through what qualities I do have and feeling better ,

example "I'm fat" counter statement " no, you're overweight, but you still have more get up and go than X who is skinny" lol

xx

Rose, The best self help I know of is "An Open Bar" now thats real self help.**M**.

Have read one or two over the years, Rose, and the one with most impact was definitely 'The Secret'...gives a very positive brain washing:-) My sister in law had a whole shelf of books about the Menopause...20 years before it happened! lol thought that was a bit excessive. BCXX

Wouldn't be any good for me Merlin lol, I can't drink much, two glasses of wine makes me 'giddy'.

Hi BC , no books about the menopause thanks lol, bad enough having it ;) never been so hot!

xx

only "mantra" I can think I have used forever,is a saying my mum used,"nothing go's on for ever,A Good time, A tummy ache they all pass on.so hang on in there good times will come around again.and believe you I have hung on to that thought these last 3years.There is a book I wish was about when i first got married,"Men are from Mar's Women are from Venus" it explains ALOT.x

Flump, pretty much the same as my mum lol " Everything changes, nothing stays the same" ...I find myself coming out with all her old phrases now, the ones that used to drive me mad...I have turned into my mother! lol

xx

Yep, us Martians are fiery warriors.........Or are we like the planet.....cold, with a thin atmosphere. lol

:o))

ref to "Men are from Mars......."

When men go into their cave, they are actually going through a phase of their relationship with a woman, when they want to be left alone. Any woman who has wondered why a boyfriend is not emailing/calling/messaging/meeting her will know what it feels like to be shut out of the cave. Women and 'the wave' is a concept [which] means that women go through periodic phases when they are unable to keep up their spirits without help and assistance from understanding men. At such times, 'the wave' crashes, and it needs to be given love and reassurance to rise up again with its usual confidence.[1]"

Oh I did Rose. Years ago I read the 'Power of positive thinking'. For one whole week I practiced the art of blocking negative/unkind etc thoughts from my mind....by the end of the week I threw the book across the room and verbally gave vent to massive unkind thoughts and all the negative comments I could think of...and boy did I feel better :-))). (the strain of keeping it all inside me had been so exhausting)

Awwww Mac, bless you lol...now that's made me feel better than all the 'self help' books ;)

lol Susan, I can understand that, I am of the opinion it is best to let those things out in the open! ( keep anger in and it poisons you as my mum used to say lol)

xx

Self helping yourself to chocolate & cake can be very theraputic I find. :)

My Mum always said........Never trouble trouble
Till trouble troubles you
or
Your troubles will be double
& they'll last your whole life through.
&
this one which has actually been quite useful

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!

O! there i got it wrong! i THOUGHT HE MEANT MEN RETREATED INTO THEIR "CAVE'S" ie ,shed's den's Garage's etc to think things through or out;where as women like to NO NEED to chew the fat with the girl's.WELL it doesnt matter there will never be an age when you will keep us apart . .I am also turning into my MUM!! RR, never mind we loved our mum's.
To Let OFF steam i would go for a long walk far from houses then SCREAM as loud as i could,or if i couldn't do that then I'd punch a cushion, mad woman OH used to say,looking back i think he was right!!