General Chat

It sounds to me as if the older two know how to get you going! they react in the car, because they know you get upset (maybe not consciously but that is what they are doing. Do you use the car to take them to places they want to be? i.e. to their friends etc? if so, threaten that the next time they misbehave in the car, you will no longer be their taxi driver. at 12 years old your older son is old enough to be responsible and thoughtful, maybe give him some responsibility and say you rely on him to help you with the other two.

We used to have our three Grandchildren for a couple of weeks in the holidays when they were 13, 12 and 7, I used to work out a project for them involving looking up answers on the internet, painting, and photography, story writing etc. They loved it and there were prizes for good work - carrot and stick!!!

And, as you say bananas and cheese are not bad but he could do with something else in his diet. having said that my neighbours lad only ate weetabix, some biscuits, bread and butter and milk until he was about 10 and he has not suffered for it.

Thanks-I'll do that-they are all so diffrent-kids -who'd have em! (every body on here obviously!!!!)

Like I said, bribery & corruption!!

You eldest is the one to talk to, treat him like an adult (even though you know he's not). Give him a bit of responsibility.

But dont beat yourself up, they are finding things to do on their own, dont feel the need to do things as a complete family. Spend time with your youngest- they always get left out when you argue with the older ones.

There is no right or wrong way. i have learnt from my mistakes and still learning. They know not to push too far now otherwise I throw my dummy out the pram- and they dont like that!

Thanks for help! Yes the older one does try to take charge-He has loads of friends round-and goes to theirs quite a bit-the older two also go to our local pool regularly by themselves as a bit of freedom-and I go too as well-but not 'with' them with the 6 year old-he's a bit edgy about pools so only goes when its quiet. They don't like football-have bought rackets so we can all take turns at tennis but anything with 'winners' losers' is tricky as they all have to win or throw stops for housr-life I know-but its hard to live with. They love Monopoly for a while but after about an hour they get board-little one too small as well-so can only do if someone else around to do stuff with him really-think I need to be tougher!

even though they keep telling me I'm really hard and I never let them have any fun!

Just feel like whatever I do its never good enough at the moment.

If it was me i'd tell them they have a choice

Either behave in the car so you can take them out, or they'll spend the 6 weeks doing nothing.

My Son loves the play station & what to play certain games but they contain bad language, so i said to him he could play them but if i hear any of the language then he couldn't....i have never heard him swear

Your 12 year old is trying to be the boss and gain a bit of independance and the others are copying his lead. He is the one you need to negotiate with.

Make him feel important in the decision making, offer him a compromise if he helps you with the younger brood. eg take him round to a friends house for the afternoon and you will collect him later (gives you breathing space too and also him from you!!). Alternatively let his friends come to yours. A bit of bribery and corruption goes a long way!!

Usual stuff to do ball games in the park, swimming. Computer games are good fun too if you make them into a competition and you join in too, they love to beat parents!! And board games to. The good old monopoly still goes down a treat. Just make everything fun.
Keep changing what happens in the same day and have a free day to, where everyone can do whatever they want in the house (within reason) and if you can send them off for a day at a friendly relative then take advantage and do it if only for an hour or 2.

Take no nonsense though. All privelages get revoked if anyone plays up. I took away all toys and games and put them in black bin liners at the front door ready for the bin men. I had lots of sulking, but eventually they had to earn back what was in the bags!

From a mother of 3 boys 21,18,9 and a daughter 15.

Hi one thing you said

"they are happy in there rooms with their books so they're not fussed."

so is it really that YOU feel they should be going out as a family ? Are picnics and ball games what you think they should be enjoying ? lol I know that feeling, son used to spend hours doing crafts then... overnight stopped being interested! which was sad for me rather than him lol.

Demolition is always a good idea... and the flip side, ie actual construction of something 'interesting' like a den in the garden or the woods,

Forget driving if you're nervous and they don't want to go, it is just punishment for all of you :) At 12 the oldest would probably welcome time away from his kid brothers ( hormones start kicking in and they really can't be bothered to play with 'kids'!)

I know it sounds dumb, but aske them what they would like, individually and together and work out some kind of compromise.

But most of all do not beat yourself up about it!

PS Dan always liked 'salvage' on the beach... after a high tide, go down and see what they can find, rope, wood, floats...thats fun lol.

Have tried not giving him those-but seriously he goes hours without eating and then gets so bad tempered and low blood sugar that I have to give him something-and eating out is a nightmare-at least I thought banas and cheese aren't junk food! he will occasionally eat other stuff like ceral and bread but when we are out these travel well and aren't too messy.

We have tried the turning round and goinmg home bit-it doesn't work-because they aren't wanting to go out togetehr anyway!

they are happy in there rooms with their books so they're not fussed. We do picnics quite reguarly on dartrmoor-but sadly they seem to find them and ball games etc boring as well-Don't know whats happened to them-they've changed so much almost overnight.they get more pleasure out of being horrible to each other!

I am a very nervous driver (I only learnt recently-so I could take them out) and they just scare me when they start shouting and singing as I can't concentrate.

They sound awful on here-they;re not that bad really-just boisterous and need things 'doing' with them.

First stop buying bananas and cheese and your youngest will eat something else........................children never starve themselves to death:))

Second they are old enough to know better than to cause chaos when you are driving so promise them a treat, maybe drive to a picnic spot with a balt and ball to play games, but only if they behave in the car on the way there..................at the first sign of trouble, turn round and go straight home again.

I did this once and once only, they learn really quickly if you stick firmly to the rules you set them.
Good luck and I hope you have a happy holiday with them:))

Hi-I've got 3 boys-age 12 10 and 6---They are all so different-the older one things I'm stupid (We've hit that age!). Middle one hates cycling,walking and anything with the eldest one! the little one only wants me all the time and will walk and cycle for miles-but won't eat anything apart from bananas and cheese. They all used to love making things,Painting,knitting,sticking etc but its not cool anymore-even the little one is rebelling.


I do drive but I hate it as they fight in the car. ANy suggestions how to keep them occupied other then sticking them in front of the computer or the DVD?-its getting harder and harder to think of things-we live neear a beach but we go all year so although very lucky thats not a novelty. we have busses and trains nearby as well-but not vast amounts of pennies-like everyone else. ANy ideas welcome.....