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Morning guys! I thought i'd give all of you a wee Joke to cheer up your Sunday morning.....
If anyone has any good ones i'd love to hear them!.
Garry
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Did you hear about the the Fly that won the lottery............
........................................................................He bought a Big Shite in Spain!!!!
BOOM BOOM!
Honestly I crack my self up some times....
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Teacher was trying to get her glass to stop using baby talk.
Now Emma, what did you do at the weekend?
I went for a ride on my GeeGee.
No Emma, you went for a ride on your pony, use grown up words.
Jonny, what did you do?
I went on a choo choo miss.
No Jonny, you went on a train, use grown up words.
Bethany, what about you?
I read a book.
That's wonderful Bethany. What book did you read?
Winnie the shit.
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rotflmao good one Bernie :)))
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Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said:
"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well... He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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My God...This Joke is too close to the truth...I think that MY wife thought ofthis one...
Send this to smart women who need a laugh
and to men you think can handle it.
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