General Chat

"Oh drat! I've ripped me knickers" said Mildred in a flurry
"That'll teach me, wont it, to get down in a hurry!"

She peered over orchard wall - t'was only 3 foot high
and saw poor John a'moaning, and a'reachin for the sky.

"Oh John, pray wont you tell me,what it is that makes you sad"

"Tis nothing Mildred, really.............." said John the Gardener Lad.

Sweet Mildred was behind the wall
where yon hollyhocks were towering
Listening to John the gardener
a 'pruning and a 'flowering
Although a tiny mite was she
her heart was very big,
she clambered up the apple tree
her skirts caught on a twig.........

Meanwhile, young John the Gardner, was a'fuming and a' fretting:

"I'll not get a lass this Sat'day, on that I am a betting".

"Who'd want a great big lad like me, with feet like slabs of meat?
Where can I go, what can I do, a lass for who to meet?

I've cut the grass for t'Master, and pruned his apple tree
his goosegogs are as tasty, as they can ever be.
His hollyhocks are towering, right over yonder wall,
but I aint got a sweetheart, so I might just end it all".

" Oh Ernie dear, how sweet of you to buy socks for my mother too
she will be pleased as punch with those to keep the warmth upon her toes.
I will choose some underwear, while you pack up my dress
and bear
it swiftly to my house, you dear , I won't be back in time I fear
to thank you, but at least you've seen undressing of the new May Queen"
With that she cast aside her frock which gave old Ernie quite a shock
Woollen knitted knickers and ( with tact)
very little else in fact.

Mildred pulled her old clothes on
and with a cheery wave was gone.

So whilst the other shoppers, sorted out their ham and cheese, young Mildred she was busy, down upon her knees.............

(now dont let your imagination run riot at this point reader!)

She was trying on her high heeled shoes, size three and very snazzy..................
A sort of purple patent .................oh there were just so jazzy!

"'Ere Ernest do me legs look good, in these 'ere high heeled shoes? Do I look tall, and regal and be the Belle of that there Ball?"

Old Ernest he was flumoxed, cos he's never had a lass
and didnt know that "yeah...... OK" was not a satisfactory pass!

Mildred twirled and sasheyed, and old Ernie got all shy
"Now then Ernie dearest, there's summat else that you can buy:
I'll need some cami knickers, like the toffs do also wear
cos these that I am wearing feel like they are made of camel hair!"

Ernie blushed in fury, and trotted off to see
if he could find some knickers, but at the age of 53
he had simply no idea what these undergarments were,
and came back with some knitted socks and said to Mildred "....................Here"

" Mildred on my life I swear that nowt would please me more
than to let you take a pretty frock and waltz right out the door
wearing shoes that match your dress, the highest ever seen,
to make sure you will get your wish to be our sweet May Queen"

But " said Ernest, earnestly " I have to have a pledge
that if I pay for that there frock you'll treat me with less 'edge'
than all the other local girls who i hear all call me ' fatty',
I need to know my little queen that you won't be so catty "

"Oh Ernie dear" said Mildred ( who was not without some wiles)
" I pledge to you , the May Queen's thanks and everlasting smiles"
( Which Mildred knew meant for a year she'd have to smile at Ern...
which wasn't such a hardship if he had the cash to burn
upon a dress and matching shoes, which would make a gardener dizzy )
" Ernest pass the frock and shoes " said Mildred "come on now get busy!"

She went down to the Co-op to see what they had there,
for as with all poor urchins, she had nothing good to wear.

"I like the blue, and like the pink, the yellow is so nice
but I cant afford to buy it, we're as poor as them church mice.

I need stilletos (cos I'm short) but they cost such a lot:
Five inches really would be good - I won't look such a dot!

Oh deary me, what shall I do, I havent got much money -
the cows milked dry, the chooks wont lay and the bees dont make much honey"

She sidled up to Ernest, the Co-op's tubby foreman
and asked him for a minute
"Shan't keep you long dear Ernest" (she flirted through her lashes)
Can you do me a favour? (poor man's covered o'er with rashes)
I need a frock for Sat'day - but I aint got no money
the milks all gone, the chooks wont lay and bees wont make the honey...........................................
but if you'll kindly let me, take that pretty dress of blue
then I will repay you Ernest,for the things that you do do!"

To be the May Queen, Mildred dreamed, would bring her to John's notice
( although sadly it might do the same to Mr Halitosis,
which sad to say was Bob's nickname amongst the local wenches,
when Bob did sidle close to them whilst sitting on park benches).
"A lovely frock and high heeled shoes" said Mildred to her self
"and I will be the May queen and be lifted off ' the shelf' ".

Sweet Mildred was a comley maid,but not exactly tall
in fact she measured four foot two, up against the wall.

Mildred she did like to grow things, all around her garden,
Like pansies and forget-me-knots and her heart would never harden
to see the sight of roses, a-tumbling round the door
(cos they lived in a cottage see, cos they were awful poor).

Now Mildred she had set her sights, on John the local heart-throb:
but others had their eyes on her, specially 'orrid Bob.

Bob, he was the Builder, he worked all day in mortar
he eyed up Mildred from afar, and thought things he didn't oughter!

...but John could not be thwarted,
a lass he wanted bad
And thought about his mother
and the life she had with Dad.
Fresh baked bread on the table each day
with a pitcher of wine.
John thought about a merry maid,
“Now, how can I make one mine?”

The landlord dispensed good advice along with his best beer
and soon was telling John some news that might just bring him cheer.
"Tis May Day soon, my lad and so upon the village green
will be a mighty gathering, the best this place has seen
of all the free and single girls that come from all around
to find one that will suit you will be easy, i'll be bound!".

Fellow drinkers gave their views of what young John should do,
whether he should choose brunettes or blondes with eyes of blue.
The Miller said 'take all good heed, whilst looking for the 'other'
tis always best to take a good long look upon her mother!
For though she may be sweet today, and slim and full of life
you might later find that you have got her 'mother' as your wife".

Old Joe did in the corner sit a grim look on his face
"If you have got some sense young John , you'll swiftly leave this place,
and go back to your 'mistress' fair ,the gardening and nature
for take my word tho' hard that is , it's not a fickle cra'ture.
Women! Pah! ( and Joe did spit upon the sawdust floor)
I should have left them well alone and shown them the door!"

John he was a gardener, a strong and strapping lad
who strode around the village, a'cutting swathes like mad
through all the rampant greenery and gardens that he made
digging up of flower beds and getting paving laid.
But in truth our John was restless, for, from nightfall to sunrise
he had no lass to be with , to worship with his eyes
( revised ,lol)

So when his work that day was done he made off for the pub
that even in them olden times was quite the social hub
of villages across the land, where all good fellows went
to talk about their daily grind and what being 'manly' meant.....

to be contd... ( please add if you would like to :))