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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat 's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet... I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. The b******s
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded...
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My dog diary to day would say
I had a go at my sister so mum threw water ofer us
I got put in a box ( I didn't like) with a strange piece of fabric across my nose
half hr later they took the band from my nose butdidn't allow me to move
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My cat's diary.
4.30am the blackbirds are singing, so we will all three,jump all over our human mum to get her up.
After 10 minutes we succeed and she gropes her way downstairs to open the patio doors to let us out, and burglers in.She goes back to bed.
5.00,come back in with dirty feet,as it is snowing and cold. All three use indoor toilet (litter tray) because mum just adores cleaning up after three, large,well fed,adult tom cats.
While we are at it,we regurgitate our furballs on mummy's expensive carpet.
5.05, go back to bed,kneed mum's bed for half an hour, and settle down to snore and f........break wind in mum's face.
Now we are too tired to finish the rest of todays diary,we have to conserve our energy for dinner,
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My dogs Diary
OH brings me a cup of tea about 6.30.Dog gets to me first.Sits on the bed right up close to have his ears rubbed and a fuss ,then he dives under the duvet to the bottom of the bed where he stays until I get up .2 hours later lol.
Then when I am ready we go walkies .Either down the lane or in the car to go down to the village.Back home for breakfast ,a drop of milk,and his dish of dry food with a little bit of torn up ham or corned beef .
Then for the rest of the day he is a pain in the A*** ,cos he just wants to play and have attention.
He has he tea around 5.Is then sat looking out the window for OH to get in from work.
Out for a last wee at 10pm and snuggles down in his bed until the morning.
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