General Chat

.............................................................on how our young ones raise their children?

Sue xx

I think younger ones could learn so much from the older generation but they don't want to, when i have spoken to a group of 14-15 yr olds all you get is (thats so old fashion), i used to think that too now i am so envious of the older generation and would have loved to have been born 20 yrs older.

No I don't think it is up to the older generation to make critical comments on how the younger generation bring up their children, so many things and ideas have changed. I think it is inevitable that older people will comment on what they see as bad behaviour which reflects on young parents. But if we are talking about families I would hope the older generation would make it clear that they, while not wishing to interfere, are willing to give advice if needed. That is how it was done in our family.

An explanation. We went to visit our son and grandson at the weekend. We took my mother too. I think my son is an excellent father and his little boy who is 6 is a credit to him and his mum. My mum thinks he is allowed to get away with "smart chit-chat" in her words, allowed to stay up too late and was annoyed that he didn't have to clear every morsel of food off his plate. I think he's well mannered. He eats well so they don't insist on him clearing his plate and he was allowed to stay up later 'cos we were visiting.

Sue xx

It's rather like the old joke about boys of seventeen thinking their dad knows nothing, then a few years later being amazed at how much their dad has learned......of course dad knew all these things all along, the lads were just not listening.........
...
I think it is helpful and comforting for one's children to know that their parents have had the same uncertainties and worries, and that they have got through them. Children who at sixteen or so, have no time for their parents and their parents advice, often are only too pleased to have mum there to help with baby. Many of us grandparents are actually doing more to bring up our grandchildren than our children are able to do, because of work and high mortgages etc.....

......We have five children,(several still living at home) and for one of our daughters we have been very full time helpers for our grandson, as she and her partner have lived with us for years, and both had worked. She has just had son no.2, .... today......our fourth grandson,....... they will be bringing baby home tomorrow, and are still with us for a few more days as their house is not quite ready.........

We have years of useful money and timesaving tips honed to perfection over the course of raising five children, and plenty of ways round sorting squabbles, tears, and tantrums.........the result is we all get maximum pleasure of being with the children..........mum and dad get time to themselves too, knowing that the children are with people they trust to do things their way..........which is pretty much our way too, of course, because they have largely copied our parenting ways, just tweaking them here and there ....

Eileen
birth name......

That's true Linda. She was brought up in difficult times and I know she thought we weren't strict enough with our children. She now thinks this generation are very slack in the way they bring up their families.

Sue xx

I think one thing that is better, is children being able to be children around anyone , when we visited my maternal grandmother we had to sit on the settee and we could only speak if we were spoken to, you emptied your plate and you did the washing up etc.paternal grandmother was brilliant, she got us playing games would make us her lovely fag ash and chips we never had to wash up and we loved it, im very very against children being made to eat something they dont want too, if your worried about them not getting enough vitamins, you can always sneak the food in, mine loved mashed potatoes, so i mashed peas in there too as they didnt want peas, they ate it because i called it power rangers mash, but understand fully about rashining and being made to finish your meal but its passed.

Sorry Eileen - you posted as I did. What you say sounds very sensible. We have a great deal to do with our grandchildren for the reasons you put down. That is except the grandson we visited as he lives a long distance away. We don't feel "put upon" as our daughter is very careful not to take advantage and always has back-up should we want to go away or are unable to babysit the children. She is lucky that she can structure her working hours around school and day-care and her partner's working hours.

Sue xx

Hi Sue~~

I think its just a generation thing as time passes on,no doubt our own parents were seen not to have the right stance on their children,,and theirs before them,,,,,,,Victoria has been gone a long time now:}}}}}}

we just have to learn not to interfere,unless theres just cause to.

Hi Kay - hope you are well. Yes I see that each generation does things differently. I sometimes often feel I don't understand where the young ones are coming from. However I have 4 grandchildren who are happy, healthy and well mannered so I think their parents must be doing something right. They are disciplined if they play up and they have their routines - just not as strict as in the "olden days". I don't often criticise but I do offer advice. I'm just prepared for them not to take the advice:-))

Sue xx

Im very strong about manners i will correct anyone who dosnt say please or thankyou i embarress myself some times

Yes Sue thanks getting there.

I think all grandparents have their little well meaning say without realising it,.as long as things are ok and no cause for alarm then we have to be an onlooker, ,,

,I dont wait to be asked for advise Ive just gently give it,;ha ha,,but never been told to butt out,but thev'e taken it on board and give it a try,,

I like good manners too so I'm happy to say that the grandchildren have lovely manners although they do forget at times:-)) My daughter does take my advice at times. Which brings me to another question. Do you find it easier to give advice to daughters than to daughters in law?

Sue xx

I think there is a difference in offering helpful advice and making critical comments.

Sue in answer to your question, it is much harder to give advice to a daughter in law than a daughter. well, I think it is.

We're lucky to be a close family too, Linda. My oldest son lives too far away but that's the consequence of being in the army. It's only 1 1/2 hours by plane so they are still within easy reach and our grandson is old enough to remember us from visit to visit. My other two regularly ring their brother for a chat and the children love to talk to their cousin.

Sue xx

Cant answer that Sue,,,:}

but in-law or not if I felt I need to have a point then I would,but everyday to day running of children lives is down to the mums and dads, I see a good job being done so no concerns,in my care I handle it my way but its near the way of mum and dad so
no problems,,,,,,I do get told off for over kissing,,ha ha ha,,,,,,,,

I'm a little wary of giving advice to son's partner. We do get on well but she's more inclined to talk to her own mother. My daughter on the other hand accepts advice better from me than her MIL who she gets on well with but who is a little too free with advice and criticism for my daughter's liking.

Sue xx

Kay - I get told off for too much kissing and hugging too:-)) Daughter's partner says I'm a "soft touch" but I don't think he minds.

Sue xx

At least we'll be remembered for that Sue,better than,,,

"""She was an old draggon, always moaned and I hated going to visit,:}}}}}}

grandmas are supoed to be a soft touch,,,,,,,,,,,:}