General Chat

How to Forgive and Forget

One of the most basic steps on the pathway to happiness is forgiveness. However, most of us say, “Yeah right, forgive that betrayal! My anger is justifiable.” Holding on to grudges, entrenched in being absolutely right, we doom ourselves to living in the past while poisoning our present. Part of the problem is that many of our words are never properly communicated because of our own inability to listen! It’s similar to the frustration of a toddler awkward in his speech trying to make himself understood to well-meaning adults. The result is a temper tantrum. Remember the oracles in the Greek plays, Oedipu andAntigone or the witches in the Shakespearean play Macbeth? They knew how to deceive the unwary listener who thought that he or she had insider information to the absolute truth. It wasn’t that the oracles or witches lied; it’s just that the listener misunderstood.

We tend to see in others traits similar to our own. And when we dislike someone, often it is something within ourselves we don’t like. To be relaxed and content we need to face the truth within. So, when we hold onto anger and can’t forgive, we can’t be happy; let’s turn it around. It’s the self we can’t forgive. After all, we allowed ourselves to be hurt! Once we forgive ourselves for failures and perceived betrayals, we will be able to forgive others. The hardest person to have compassion for is the self. When we fail at something, we consider ourselves to be failures. It’s time to separate who we are from what we do. When we forgive ourselves for past defeats, we can rise to the next level to improve all our intimate relationships.

Everyone hears voices in their heads – good voices and bad voices. Isn’t it logical to filter out the bad voices? We all know that if we have a pain in the body, the more we focus on the pain, the more it hurts and makes us irritable and negative. When we are distracted or give our attention to the things we enjoy, the pain diminishes and dissipates.

When spiritualists link peace of mind with happiness, they focus on the word peace. When we are at war with others emotionally, we cannot be at peace with the self. We have given away our power to the people who have hurt us, allowing them to continue to hurt us. That’s why forgiveness which wipes the slate clean for the “enemy” removes the stain on our spirit.

Remember we tend to make up details that we take as facts. It’s human nature to create stories about everything and fill in the missing pieces. However, these subjective stories change according to our changing life situations. The more self-confident we are, the kinder the interpretation. Kindness fortifies your self-worth.

To facilitate the process of forgiveness:
• Examine what you are telling yourself. Do you lean to the negative or the positive? Your state of mind colours your perceptions.
• Can you open up to another person’s point of view and accept a differing opinion?
• Do you expect more from other people than you do from yourself?
• What is really bothering you: That someone hurt you or that you allowed yourself to be hurt?
• To reframe your anger: The universe sent you the person who hurt you to teach you a lesson. This is your growing pain. Forgiveness is part of the lesson.
.......................
Not my words ... they are those of a stress counsellor

Nope. lol

Righteous anger can move mountains where forgiveness leaves merely the status quo.

i have always said the very best revenge
is to move on and lead a happy life and keep smiling

and any other acts of revenge leaves you bitter and twisted

I'll have to read it again ....... I'd forgotton the beginning when I got to the end :0) !!!

well I get a brownie point for recognising an American voice when I read one lol

http://www.bellaonline.com/about/stressmanagement

well personally if i was hearing voices in my head I would see a doctor...
PMSL im with you Rose I love a good bout of righteous anger

Hello, lovely Tan.

Anger is a healthy emotion. Not into revenge though.

Sue xx

I'm sorry I'm reading that back and it makes no sense! it is a load of waffle with no substance.

take this

"It’s the self we can’t forgive. After all, we allowed ourselves to be hurt! Once we forgive ourselves for failures and perceived betrayals, we will be able to forgive others"

Ergo if someone betrays my trust, it's me that has to 'forgive myself' for letting them? !!

Rubbish!

I always say hate in the heart ..leaves no room to love..

we all get angry and upset..for a little time ..move on and forgive ..i dont to malice and spite far better to walk away...

edit ..jgee

like joy says ..it leaves you bitter and twisted ...

As I said Rose not my words.

My brother is a counsellor in USA & I know it has taken him several years to train ... can give his details in pm to any who do not accept this as true

No I am not disputing your brother's ability or qualifications Carole, not in the least, nor casting aspersions on American counsellors ...

but it isn't your brother you are quoting and since I have just read a little more of said guru's words, on other subjects i feel there is a lack of substance in her work....mindyou it evidently sells :)

Move on by all means from the horrible things that happen...but forgiving the perpetrator is not an essential in doing so, it is perfectly possible to rebuild an enjoyable life without dwelling on the event or the perpetrator of it , but 'forgiveness' is not necessarily a requisite for that.

I dont willingly forgive.......................................but I do move on and forget

Rose, I too have read many books on this subject & others, from a book list given to me by my brother & his wife, who is also a qualified counsellor.

I know that I have had to forgive & forget many things, things that changed not only my life, but those of people around me.

I have made mistakes myself, admitted to them & asked for forgiveness.

A thought for today, is the title of this thread & that is what I wanted people to do ... think about it ... move on, be happy.

ANGER WITH A ONE TO ONE SITUATION
HAVE A BIG ROW CLEAR THE AIR
MAYBE
BUT TO GO ON A VENGANCE HUNT,SPLITS FAMLIES FRIENDS
AND HOW MANY HAVE NO CONTACT WITH THERE
GRANDKIDS BECAUSE THE PARENTS USE THEM AS A WEAPON
TO HURT

I ADMIT THAT ONE RELATION AT THE MOMENT I CANT FORGIVE
BUT MAYBE ONE DAY !!!!!!!!!!!

Have pmed you Ice

PM 'D YOU ALSO

ive ate humble pie a few times dizzy to keep the peace lol..

ME TOO