General Chat

Dear All

Hello

Hope you are well and doing okay.

Do you think that vows and promises made should be updated to reflect a more modern and equal partnership?

Should both the man and woman also be respected as individuals as well as being a married couple?

Are marriage vows taken seriously?

Take gentle care
Very best wishes
xx

Well 39 years ago my wife promised to Love, Honour and "Obey", I figure two out of three isn’t bad!

Best wishes,
Mayfield.

Elizabeth
Yesterday I was at my sons' wedding and they took the traditional road to vows although they were married in a civil ceremony, (they do have a church booked for next year but sion waiting to be sent somewhere so with our blessing thay have had an extra ceremony),

Hearing those vows again it was clear to me and to them that they are as valid today as ever they have been, and they would have not wanted it anyother way.And they were certainly very serious about them.

Why do you think it is not an equal partnership under present conditions?
Why do you also suggest that it may not be an equal partnership?

I remain intrigued
Mayfield I like your reply..well done

Having been married in the C of E, I was caught out by the 'obey' section on the day......I'd forgotten to tell the Rector that I wanted that word dropped - lol! However, it's worked out OK, especially as the 'Honour' could be interpreted as respecting the other persons views.

From this site

http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html

It would appear that the words now spoken by both the Bride and Groom are indentical.

So should the Vows be changed? If you marry in a (C of E) Church, then hopefully at least one of the couple has a religious leaning and at the time of making the vows, they do intend to live together 'until death do us part' as loving partners.

No one has a crystal ball, and even the most loving marriage can break down. In my opinion, the vows are fine as they stand and provide an 'ideal' to aim for. If the marriage should end in divorce, then so be it. No one would or should wish a loveless existance on a couple if they are no longer compatible just because of a few words spoken in a Church. Perhaps the 'til death do us part' section should be optional? Perhaps not as it would imply that the couple aren't optimistic that they have both found their life partners.

You are right DET, no one should hang on to a marriage which is destroying their self respect....but many try.
I have been married (second marriage) to a good man for almost 40 years.... AND NEVER A CROSS WORD BETWEEN US!!!
AND, I lie a lot too.... ha ha ha
What seems to have gone out of the window is stamina.
People think that an argument means *the end*.... in which case, my OH & I, should never have started let alone lasted this long.! ;-0)
Good luck to your son and his bride Bridget.
Deanna X

Dear All

Hello

Thank you for your kind replies.

Its very refreshing to hear that people still have faith in marriage vows.

For me the parts, to remain faithful and to cherish stand out.
If the promises could be altered | would like to see maybe a a little more about respecting each other.

Because mutual respect is the foundation for any relationship but especially for what hopefully will be a life committment.

Obey........not likely!

I feel there should be more emphasis on preparation for marriage, for both church and civil weddings.

Take gentle care all
Very best wishes
xx

Hello again
Now this may be a little controversial but I believe that the youngsters today are not as wise and informed as we are sometimes lead to believe. If I had my way I would put the marriage age up to 21yrs.....now will this spark off another discussion or not.
My son who married very recently and was old by some of todays standards (30) to be marrying flew to another place to formally ask his fiancees father for permission to marry his daughter. When I met the new in laws they told me how impressed they were about this and his fiancee did not know what he was doing as he flew out and back in the same day!

Mutual respect is indeed another aspect that should be emphasised

Bridget

Coming up to our fiftieth wedding anniversary next month. We married in 1960 when it was fairly controversial to drop the 'obey' from the ceremony, but I did. to me one partner promising to 'obey' the other was not an equal partnership. We have had a very happy married life with only a small hiccup. We will stay 'til death us do part I know. We were young 20 and 22 and my parents were sceptical but talked into it, they were married 60 years minus a month when my Mum died. My Dad's view was 'You make your bed and lie in it', but they were happy enough as far as we could tell, plenty of rows but he was devastated when she died aged 85.

I certainly don't believe that couples should cling on after the love and respect has gone, but I do think that these days of the 'throw away society' it is all too easy to give up at the first hurdle (sorry for the cliches). Youngsters don't seem prepared to try and make a go of things preferring to think that the new person in their lives is going to be 'the one'. Well, maybe like Deanna it will be but I wish they'd make a little more effort.
Daughter married at 20 and was divorced by the time she was 25. However her new relationship, first as partners and then married has lasted 24 years so far and they seem happy together.

I don't think that the words of the service should be changed too much. Unless, as in some cases the couple wants to add in their own thoughts to the normal service.

Love and respect are the main ingredients required I think.