General Chat

I have been reading with interest the various posts on the site regarding adoptions and the 'rights' or not of the various parties. I am a BM whose daughter was adopted in 1970. I waited until she was 18 then traced her whereabouts. Although there is a widely held view that it is not possible to do, it is really quite easy - it just takes time and stamina. Having discovered where she was I then lost my nerve and did nothing more for several years. Eventually, I contacted a post adotopn agency and made contact with her parents. They were lovely and, although she does not want contact with me, they have kept in touch and kept me updated. So generaous and I am eternally grateful to them. I still have not had contact with her and I respect that decision, although I think about her every day. I hope that one day she will want to meet me and have posted my details with a number of agencies in case she starts looking. On the other side I helped a close fried who had been adopted to make contact with his BM. She did not want any contact and he felt that, as she was so elderly he could not take it any further so has had not contact with his half brother and sister. He found the redjection very difficult but respected her right. There are no rights and wrongs and every situation is different.- all sides have the right to make contact but equally both have the right to not accept that contact, no matter how hard it is for the other party.

Patricia, my utmost respects to you. You have coped with the very difficult decisions of giving up a child for adoption, and then putting in motion the procedure whereby your child can contact you when ready. I have never been in these situations and I can only assume it must all have been very difficult for you.

In the '60's, several of my friends were living with adoptive parents , which my mother explained to me. I viewed them with interest for a while then, as kids, forgot it.

After years on GR I know that many adopted children want to seek their birth parents but, as you say, some sadly receive little encouragement when they find them. None of us are in a position to judge, as you know.

But I do feel that if you are patient, your child is most likely to come looking for you and, with your positive attitude, hopefully all will be well eventually. I wish you all the very best. xx

Patricia,

I read this with interest.

My daughter has an older brother aged 24 who was adopted (from my ex's previous relationship). She would love to 'make contact' if he so wished but Im at a loss as to how to go about doing this. The Local Authority who passed the adoption have been short of useless. We placed a letter with them to go on his file which they were supposed to acknowledge but despite numerous contacts they have failed to do so. One SW even suggested the letter was never received by them (I made a trip to the UK to deliver it in person).

Any tips would be much appreciated!


T.x