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Mick, from Dublin ,appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one life-line left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question, will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush
c) Magpie
d) Cuckoo
"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''so I'll use me last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin .."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple; It's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is, Sir."
There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer!
Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a ****** clock!"
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Must be some more Irish crackers out there.....!
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I rang Irish friend over the first one, left her cackling! Must tell her this second one
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Patrick & Seamus, this time
Patrick and Seamus were flying back from New York to Dublin. They were due to arrive at 6pm and as the flight was teetotal, were looking forward to six hours of drinking at O’Reilly’s bar before it closed at midnight.
Just then there was a bang and one of the engines on the aircraft fell off the port wing. The Captain came over the intercom and announced that there was no cause for concern, as 747’s could easily carry on with three engines. However with only three engines available the flight would take a little longer and they wouldn’t arrive till 8pm. Never mind said Seamus, still gives us four hours drinking time.
Half an hour later, there was another bang and an engine fell the starboard wing. Once again the Captain reassured the passengers that the plane was perfectly safe and could continue on the remaining two engines. However, with the reduced power, their arrival would not now be until 9pm I suppose its not that bad, said Seamus, at least we have three hours drinking before closing time.
An hour later there was a loud bang and the third engine fell off the port wing. This time the Captain sounded rather more anxious this time, but tried to reassure the passengers the best he could. Unfortunately they would not know arrive in Dublin until 11pm at the earliest.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, exclaimed Patrick, I hope we don’t loose the fourth engine. Why’s, that, said Seamus – cos if we do there is no way we’ll get back before closing time.
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Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.
They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'
Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.'
Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'
After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.
Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.'
The water was only up to his chest.
So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath..
'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
WAIT FOR IT
'Aye'tis,
NOW hand me dat shovel.'
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