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Loyalty, is it a dead concept?

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Nyx Report 28 Feb 2013 08:52


Going back a while in my life, I had a 'friend' who let me down by going behind my back. The shock of what was done was greatly exascerbated and the hurt much more because of the lack of basic loyalty shown, as much as by the 'action' so to speak.

Today ( and it's not even 9 yet lol) I have been thinking about loyalty, not 'blind loyalty' where whatever someone has done however awful you defend them against all comers ( eg covering up a friend's crimes). But the sort of loyalty that means you have a responsibility to acknowledge that someone has tried to help you, be a friend to you, has fought your corner with you, and FOR you in your absence....and perhaps then had to take the flack that should have been directed at you alone. And don't you in turn show that loyalty to them when the chips are down?

Has self interest taken the place of loyalty?

pondering .....


AnnCardiff Report 28 Feb 2013 08:57

I would hope I am a very loyal friend - twice in the past I have ben badly let down by two people I regarded as loyal friends - they were not and boy, did it hurt

At pesent I have two very close loyal friends and I know they would never let me down, and vice versa


Guinevere Report 28 Feb 2013 09:25

I'm maybe a bit too loyal, Rose. Or so the pensioner says when I get hurt.

But overall I'd rather be the person who is loyal and let down than be the person who does the letting down.

I don't think you give friendship, trust and loyalty expecting the same, you give it because you are you. If you are let down then that reflects on the person doing it and that's usually crystal clear to those around you.

There have been times when I have gone far more than the "extra mile" only for it to be thrown back in my face but I would probably do exactly the same again.


JustJohn Report 28 Feb 2013 10:03

I agree with Gwynne :-0 :-0 Yes, I really do.

I would add something else, and it sounds very cynical in a way. I would never 100% trust a fellow human being. There are people who I trust over 90%, those I trust much less.

Loyalty is different. I am blindly loyal to OH and children. Thye can do no wrong - even if they do.

I used to trust all Vicars and nuns when I was young, till I caught one of both persuasions for shoplifting in my supermarket :-) :-)

Edit. Quite happy to remove this post if you prefer.


PollyinBrum Report 28 Feb 2013 10:28

Rose. I was so very badly let down by a close family member, I could not disclose exactly what he did and the true extent of this will never be known as he passed away some years ago and took all of his deceptions to his grave. I was completely devastated when I found out and spoke with my son and my solicitor, but there was really nothing I could do without raking up an awful lot of mud. I thought I knew this man and trusted him without question. I am sure I am not alone when I say we can never truly know a person, as everyone measures loyalty by a different yardstick. This experience has taught me a valuable lesson and made me very wary of expecting 100% loyalty.


~Lynda~ Report 28 Feb 2013 10:36

If I see there has been an injustice, I'll speak up about it, I had a job once, where a colleague felt that they had been undermined, and passed over for a promotion, when I looked at what happened I spoke up about it, nothing was done, so I handed in my notice, much to everyone's surprise,

I loved that job, the incident had nothing to do with me, but knowing there were people there who took no notice of loyalty, I didn't want to be part of there set up. The colleague who was undermined, stayed there, friends said that I had "cut of my nose to spite my face" I didn't think that I have principles and stick by them, so can hold my head high, that's worth a job anyday.

If you know that you are truly loyal, then that's all that matters, sod those who don't, they probably don't sleep well, I sleep like a log :-D


supercrutch Report 28 Feb 2013 10:43

I am fiercely loyal and I think that's reciprocated. Only been let down seriously once by a friend and that was 40 years ago. Once by a business associate which was devastating.

My two best friends are ones I met at infants school and to this day we have never had a cross word :-D


Nyx Report 28 Feb 2013 10:47

Lynda, Funny that you should use the expression "cut off my nose to spite my face" :-D it was in my mind last night. I admire you for sticking by your principles.

Thanks for replies all, have to go out for a while :-)


Chrissie Report 28 Feb 2013 10:59

I think there's a lot of loyalty about still....quite easy to say I'm loyal but I think I am to a fault. I don't always find other people are but mostly I do


Kay???? Report 28 Feb 2013 11:25

Loyalty=======most certainly comes in many guises,

Would I put family or friends at risk to be loyal=====NO.

Loyaly to any confidentialty=====99.9%. for reasons above if it applied,otherwise 100%.

I dont blindly overlook faults there maybe.

Different situations will require different levels of loyalty.

*you know a spouse is cheating,,,you have a deep relationship with both* it could be within your own family -------what would you do even if it meant any relationship with with both would end......?

*would you be loyal and protect and excuse your child,husband or wife,should they commit a crime*?.


ZZzzz Report 28 Feb 2013 11:39

I am a loyal friend and have ben told that many times, but family loyalty? that's a different matter I know and one very close relative has let me down very badly and other family take his side causing a massive split and they completely disregard anything I have said.


Sharron Report 28 Feb 2013 11:40

I don't know if this is part of loyalty,maybe more of support. OH and I went to a job where there was a big problem with the landlord. He was very difficult and obstructive and I was frced to leave.

On the way home I was,naturally ,giving it some about the situation and OH started to come out with the situation from the landlord's point of view.

As far as I am concerned, that was not the time to discuss that. I just needed suport because I was upset by the situation.

A couple of Christmases ago somebody posted on here because her husband had shown timing exquisite enough to leave her and their children at Christmas.Among the support and condolence somebody took it upon themselves to be Devils Advocate for the husband. No,that is forsome other time.She needed support at that time.Surely that is what friends are for.


Jean Report 1 Mar 2013 00:49

i am loyal to the people i love, and have loved. a bit wary now , the way things have turned out. who can you trust these days?


maggiewinchester Report 1 Mar 2013 01:03

I am loyal to my family, but wouldn't be bothered to be disloyal to anyone else - if that makes sense :-S