General Chat

Doesn't it just!

She did.

It takes a long time to acknowledge what's happened & start to try & understand then move on a bit...

So you are still keeping quiet.

She did train you well!

Peculiar, wary, loads of baggage because I'll never understand & I can't ask now 'cause she's gone...& yes my fight or flight reflex stays on fight. I shudder if someone says I sound like her.

The problem for us is our children adored her- that's a conflict for us because it would be wrong to shatter their memories.

I don't know about the rest of you but I do feel it made me peculiar.

There is something missing and, although I have made big improvements,I am always ready for a fight.

I try not to think about mine Sharron as it still upsets me. G.dau wanted me to write about my life and complains I stopped at 5yrs. Part of me wants her to know the truth and part is reluctant to write 'warts and all'.

Says it all when I cannot recall when she died without looking up family tree - just looked 2003 whereas my Dad died 16 October 1958 and recall every bit of it.

I expect Sharron and others like us became stronger as a result and tried oh so hard not to be alike, in any way, our mothers.

I know where you're at Sharron- your other thread helped me & my siblings alot. I didn't know it was a "condition" & yes I miss her 'cause I was "conditioned" to feel that way, however, she is not remembered in the way she would've wanted, she's remembered for what she was.

Thank-you

My Mum's own mother died when she was 3, so she did not have the best of childhoods herself, being passed round the family, then used as an unpaid skivvy by a 'hard' stepmother. I think it was these early days that gave her an understanding as to how she could give all children the care she had lacked in her own childhood.

Thank you both for your sympathy.

What I am doing is to try to turn my negatives into a positive for others.

It is a long road to recognize what was wrong in your childhood and then to admit that there was something wrong to the world, who still would rather you kept it secret so as not to upset them.

I want to make it possible for others to let go of the guilt and shame that will,inevitably, been loaded on to them and to recognize that the wrongwas noot theirs.

Until it is accepted that these awful women exist there will still be children suffering as we did.

Of course you can post this, not everyone has an ideal childhood.

My own Mother died when I was very, very young so I find myself extremely jealous of GR peeps who post about their Mothers. I can barely remember mine.

I do feel sorry for those of you who feel bitter and sad that your mothers were not as other mothers. Mine was one who was never one to show her love in hugs and kisses but showed she loved us in many other ways.
You and others need no permission to speak from the rest of us Sharron, it must have been awful to grow up with a mother like yours. :-)

Again Sharron, I am very sorry to hear this, and realise how lucky I was.

Thanks Carol.

I know this is probably not the best time to post this thread but I know there are others who feel as I do and need permission,so to speak,to let their feelings be known.

You were very lucky with your mum. Most children with mothers like mine think it is the norm and they are trained,or warned,not to talk about what happensat home because it is all their own fault anyway.

I was talking to my neighbour who knew my mother from school and has lived four doors away since I was eleven. She had no idea of how life really was in our house until I told her last week.

Oh dear Sharron, That does sound very sad. I was very lucky with my mother and miss her enormously now she is no longer with us. BUT I do understand a bit how you feel as my MIL was as you describe! nothing pleased her and if we tried to do our best for her on Mothering sunday, Birthday, Christmas(!!) it was never good enough, or we were accused of 'wanting something'!! The trouble that lady caused both to us my SIL and BIL, I could write a book!!! She died a lonely bitter old woman, mourned by no-one. Awful really, but so was she!! So I do understand how you feel, well, sort of, as she wasn't my mother, thank the lord!!

There is nothing for you to feel sorry for Sharron, that person was not a mother, she was just someone who gave birth to you.

I know I was one of the lucky ones; my Mum would have & did take other people’s children, who like you lacked a real Mother, under her wing.

I really don't expect anybody else to contribute to this thread and I will delete if it upsets anybody but I love Mother's Day. It reminds me that she is dead and the sun can shine.

No more buying the wrong thing,the trousers that didn't fit so ,rather than take them bak to change them,she would alter them, which meant cutting them up and leaving them.

No more martyered mother scrubbing floors, which were never otherwise scrubbed, on Mother's Day, apart from Christmas Day sometimes, to draw attention to how hard she had to slave unappreciated all the rest of the year without even a rest on her special day.

Sorry.