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In the Festive Spirit etc.

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

BrianW

BrianW Report 2 Dec 2017 16:13

Christmas is coming so take care out there people as the police are on their usual pre- Christmas drinking and driving campaign.

I went out last night and drunk far too much so I left my car at the pub and took a bus home. I passed a police checkpoint where they were breathalysing all the drivers but they waved the bus through.

I arrived home safely and accident free which was surprising as I had never driven a bus before and I still have no idea where I got it from!

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 2 Dec 2017 16:21

I never even have one small drink and drive. Best to use a bus or get a lift or taxi, better safe than sorry

MargaretM

MargaretM Report 2 Dec 2017 16:33

Think you missed the joke, LaGooner.

Good one, Brian!

ShelleyRose

ShelleyRose Report 2 Dec 2017 16:39

:-D :-D :-D

Caroline

Caroline Report 2 Dec 2017 16:44

:-D

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 2 Dec 2017 16:48

Oh silly me. DOH !!! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D Brian. That's what a day's Xmas shopping does for you :-0

BrianW

BrianW Report 18 Dec 2017 15:31

Lesson
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him.

Moral of the story:

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 18 Dec 2017 15:48

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D, That's a Christmas cracker Boom Boom :-D :-D

BrianW

BrianW Report 13 Jan 2018 13:39

A wife texted her husband on a cold winter morning: “Windows frozen”.

Her husband texted back: “Pour some lukewarm water over it”.

The wife texted back five minutes later: “Computer not working at all now”.