General Chat

Magpie yes of course it cuts two ways no one is perfect and yes the past is the past. I still think its kinda sad though, we all have something we can give one another and to me family is valuable. with all of our individual faults the most wonderful gift is to be able to look past those and see the people and accept them for who they are regardless. I hold no grudges I guess I just wanted to reach out...

I agree Gwyn but at least they acknowleged your attempts at contact nothing for me. I respect that there is a lot of hurt in my family I just wish it could be reconciled and hopefully the next generation will be able to do that if it doesn't happen in mine :)

Thanks to you all for the replies, I was feeling a bit sad but I know now I've tried and the ball is in their court either way their choice and I respect that :)

My husband had relatives from another European country and was pleased when a colleague helped him track down family. there.
He wrote to them and received a brief note acknowledging receipt, but asking that he did not contact them again.Perhaps they were resentful of the better life lived by those family who moved to UK.?
We were sorry about that, but respected their wish, but hoped that maybe in time the younger members of that family would know that family in UK would like to hear from them.
Sadly he has now died, so our children will probably never get to know that part of our family.

I think I feel that I would just like to have said 'hello', maybe sharing who came from where in the past, although of course the internet has told me a lot of that including an illegitimacy, (only one?!!!) and the same poor woman ending in the workhouse! I certainly don't want to become part of anyone's life, as I accept that I am a stranger, a blast from the past, but Hi would be lovely!

It's disappointing, and it's only polite to reply to messages, but I think a lot of people start a tree online with absolutely no interest in finding or keeping in contact with living members of the family, they just want to know more about the family line they are most interested in or they have an 'academic' interest rather than a personal one.

I was most interested in my mother's side of the family because I knew them best, from photos and stories etc. My father's side is more academic. Of the possibly dozens of cousins on that side only one has been in contact which was nice, but not as 'personal' somehow as neither of us had met the other's family or our mutual ancestors.

I also sent some old photos to someone on mum's side, with no eventual response, but there was a 'skeleton' ( not that I would term it as such) but it was their 'secret' to tell not mine to mention...maybe they felt constrained by that and chose not to have to go into it all with a stranger?

I know who said what to who Magpie :-)

There may be reasons why the relatives ( not yours or anyone's specifically) feel that contact with certain people serves no purpose, as an example I might not particularly want to hear from someone how great a mother/grandmother 'M' was to them, when she ignored her other family members completely (and based on info found out since that she was an awful hypocrite to boot lol).

That's not to say I personally wouldn't make contact with her other children/grandchildren, just that I would have the tact not to talk about that aspect of the past with them...but that is what many who make contact through genealogy sites actually want to do isn't it, discuss their family's past, not the here and now?

Surely that cuts both ways? who knows who said what to to who? I personally think the past should live in the past and not be carried on to following generations who were only babies at the time or not even born! I certainly feel no animosity at all over a situation beyond mine or anyone else's control and I think it's sad when others do, but maybe my mother was right, and they're not worth knowing anyway!

It may be less bitterness than a sense of loyalty. 'Keeping faith ' with the people you grew up with and who may have been the direct or indirect victim/s of the 'skeleton' situation is more important to some than finding or having contact with a cousin etc.

Gray, I agree with you entirely as I have the same situation. My father was killed in the war before I was born, afterwards my mother fell out with his parents and we had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with them or my paternal family. Fast forward sixty + years, my mother and stepfather are both sadly dead and the internet is up and running! While I have found out through records and my lovely Dutch archivist friend all I need to know about my late father, contact with family members, except for one distant cousin years younger than me, has been nil! The family live close to where I was brought up, which makes it even more sad. I have tried to make contact with the four cousins I know I have, through the one contact, but he had to tell me that because of what happened so long ago, none of them have the least desire to have anything to do with me! It is sad, as I am an only child, and would love to have engaged with my lost relatives, what happened was nothing to do with me, but I've just had to accept that this bitterness has obviously gone down the generations and there's nothing I can do about it.

Some American family trees are becoming overgrown with new growth as divorces & stepfamilies multiply.

For example - what do you call your stepmother's son's live-in girlfriend's 11-year old son? :-S

I've contacted several ways. I know they have received it, sadly it looks like they just don't want the contact. I have made one last ditch attempt and sent registered mail but I've facebooked, texted, emailed from every site known to man as well as directly and emailed a friend of theirs lol The email account is active. Def the right people so no mistake there.

But I really can't force them at the end of the day. If I'm wrong I will make sure I come back and tell you though.

I was feeling disappointed but hey I knew digging at the past would reveal some skeletons. I'm prepared to bury them (the skeletons that is lol) but hey obviously I wasn't the side of the family they wanted to connect with. I do wish them well mind and I still hope for contact and a breakthrough. Wouldn't it be great if reconciliation happened in my generation. I can hope!

Did you try to contact them on this site???

Id the envelope still showing green by the side of their name?

If so, that means they have not opened the message.


GR never deletes trees. It is up to the member to delete the tree, or to arrange for someone they trust to delete the tree.


There are many reasons why people do not receive messages through GR ........

1. They have changed their email address and have not given the new address to GR.

2. They have lost all their data

3. They have indeed lost interest

4. They are incapacitated by ill health or dead.


The moral to this story is ......

1. Make sure you provide a new email address to every site you have used.

2. Make sure that someone you trust has your password and ID so they can delete trees on GR and any other genealogy site you are on, as well as to cancel subscriptions etc etc.

Have they said that they don't want contact?

How long is it since you tried to contact them, maybe they haven't read your message yet?

Long story short I found lost relatives. I can't work out why they would put the call out to find family and completely ignore one side because of a relative that caused pain 60 odd years ago. I'm sure there are two sides to it and everyone was affected by this relative but anyhow past is the past.

Why look for family on ancestry etc if you don't want to acknowledge them at all?
Anyways guess there isn't much I can do I've tried to reach out I find it kinda sad that bitterness goes through the generations without even meeting others in the family... :(

I wish them the best really just need to vent...