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Bad childhood jokes

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Allan

Allan Report 9 Dec 2019 07:52

My friend has invented an invisible plane, but frankly I can’t see it taking off.

Allan

Allan Report 4 Dec 2019 09:21

I’ve just opened an Elvis Presley themed restaurant.

It’s for people who love meat tender.

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 4 Dec 2019 00:37

Husband Treats his wife to a week end of beauty treatments at a Posh Spa hotel for her 40th Birthday
When she returned Sunday Evening she asked " Well How do I look ?"
He replies, " From your skin.. 22.. your hair 20.. your figure 24 "
" Oh you do flatter me Darling , thank you "
He remarks " Hang on , I,ve not totted them up yet "

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 1 Dec 2019 12:46

bring-bring........"you have two options........Take it, or Leave it!"

Allan

Allan Report 1 Dec 2019 08:18

Yesterday at 12-30 I finally plucked up the courage to phone gamblers anonymous.

They told me to phone back at 20-1 .

Allan

Allan Report 17 Nov 2019 11:37

A robber goes into a bank and points a gun at the teller and says, "Hand over the money or you're geography"

The teller replies, "Don't you mean history?" and the robber says, "Don't change the subject"

Allan

Allan Report 17 Nov 2019 11:27

OK, let's wait for the PC Brigade to arrive ;-) :-D :-D

Dermot

Dermot Report 17 Nov 2019 10:42

Jesus walks into a hotel, tosses a box of nails on the front desk & asks: "Can you put me up for the night"?

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 17 Nov 2019 09:54

was following a pickup truck down a country lane, which was carrying chickens, and every now and then a chicken would come off the truck and land in the road....went on for a few miles and eventually caught up with the truck to see this rather large rooster eject a chicken .......calling out....


" No Legover!! NO ride!!"

Allan

Allan Report 17 Nov 2019 04:14

My dating agency for chickens has gone bust . I just couldn’t make hens meet!

Dermot

Dermot Report 16 Nov 2019 07:24

A Sunday school teacher asks her pupils where God lives.

A small pale girl stick up her hand & says: "God lives in our bathroom".

"In your bathroom"? says the teacher. "Why do you think that?"

The youngster replies: "Because every morning my daddy bangs loudly on the bathroom door & shouts - "God, are you still in there?"

Allan

Allan Report 9 Nov 2019 21:13

My wife ran off with my best friend six months ago. I still miss him

Dermot

Dermot Report 9 Nov 2019 13:08

A man walks into a fishmonger's carrying a salmon under his arm.

"Do you make fishcakes?" he enquires.

"Of course" says the fishmonger.

"Oh good" says the man. "It's his birthday".

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 8 Nov 2019 23:32

"Literally....!"

Allan

Allan Report 8 Nov 2019 23:20

The last words my grandad said to me were pints,gallons, litres.

Those words spoke volumes.

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 8 Nov 2019 22:57

"where the ball is progress forwards, by passing it backward"

Allan

Allan Report 8 Nov 2019 21:59

Rugby is a sport played by men with odd-shaped balls

Dermot

Dermot Report 8 Nov 2019 07:08

A critic is a legless woman who teaches running.

Allan

Allan Report 7 Nov 2019 20:58

Thinking about it I should have ordered my baked beans online, but Heinz Site is a wonderful thing.

Dermot

Dermot Report 11 Oct 2019 07:21

Apparently, grammer & spilling are regaining there wrightful plaice in some secondary skools.