General Chat

How to deal with a troublesome polar bear.

Polar bears love frozen peas so you cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle the frozen peas around the hole.

Then, when the polar bear comes down for a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Chemistry teacher to pupil: 'What's the chemical composition of water'?
Pupil: H, I, J, K, L, M. N, O'.

Teacher: "Gosh, whatever gave you that idea?"

Pupil: "You said so yesterday'. 'You said water was H to O'.

I was reading the other day about a drunken Rabbi who carried out several circumcisions..

He eventually got the sack

Teacher to pupil: "You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Pupil: "Yes, but not very much!

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir ".

The person who invented Velcro died yesterday. RIP

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

One One was racehorse Two Two was one too. When One One won one race Two Two won one too.

An inflatable boy goes to his inflatable school and the first lesson of the day is taught by his inflatable headmaster. At break time the inflatable boy takes a drawing pin and starts sticking it in to everything. The inflatable headmaster comes over to speak to the inflatable boy “I’m very disappointed in you boy. You let yourself down, you let me down in-fact you let the whole school down”.

Does any one remember my joke about my spine? I think it was about a weak back

A group of youngsters were having lunch at an open-air restaurant when it started raining really heavily.

It took them two hours to finish their soup.

I’ve just bumped into the man who sold me an antique globe . It’s a small world!

My dad heard that most accidents happen within two miles of home.

So he wants to move.

My son is now at a age where he is curious about the human body, so I guess I’ll have to move it out of the house and bury it.

Ballet dancers are always dancing round on their toes.

Why don't they hire taller dancers?

Before my surgery the anethestist asked me whether I wanted to be knocked out with gas or by being hit with a boat paddle.

It was an ether / oar question.

If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on the cat.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick

Why do polar bears have fur coats?

Because they would look silly in anoraks.

How do you start a milk pudding race?


Sago