General Chat

Hi Susie My mum had my brother when she was 21, my sister at 23 and myself at 25.....She's now 53 and says that her and my dad are gald they had us when they did as they can enjoy their life togeather still young when we all moved out, they were 39 when we all of us had eventually joined the big wide world.....

tara i know exactly what your mum and dad mean lol i was a nanny by the time i was 36 and i loved it. at least i can give them back now and have a good nights sleep lol. however i did try to tell my kids not to repeat history but did they listen...no.lol my eldest son was 19 when he became a dad ,his girlfriend was 18.they married when the baby was 6weeks old.that was 10 years ago and they are so happy .they now have 4 gorgeous children. my daughter she was 18 (now 24)and is a wonderful little mum to.2 beautiful little girls. i think that some can cope and some cant,but with the right support they pull through. i owe everything to my mum and dad.without them i honestly think that i would have cracked. susie

I have just read the messages on this thread. I had my first child at 18 and did not claim benefits or get a house from it. What I got was a lot of hard work, nasty comments and looks from people that thought I was scum because I was an unmarried teenage mum who had obviously had planned her baby to get benefits and a house, a lot of strength from fighting peoples opinions and working extra hard to prove these people wrong, but most of all I have a beautiful daughter, who is kind and loving and has just became a mum herself. She is 17 and although I can hear like mother like daughter being said, I assure you she was not planning her baby but is looking after her baby herself and not claiming benefit, her boyfriend is working and supporting them. All I hope is that she is not made to feel ashamed as I was. Good luck to the girl with the triplets I hope she has the support she needs. To those of you that send this girl good wishes, thank you for restoring my faith in human kindness. To those of you that think all teenage mums are scroungers maybe you ned to spend a week in they're shoes and see how hard it really is.

jackie(in wales) i totally agree. i never had benefits either. i went back to work when my son was 6 weeks old.i was living with mum and dad and mum looked after my baby. i was earning £78 a month.out of that i paid mum board,fed and clothed myself and my baby . i had 2 brothers who were 8 and 9 at the time so mum was in a position to do so. when i returned from work at 6pm i took over where mum left off. i bathed and fed my son every night and also got up for the night feeds. he was my responsibility,not mums so i never expected her to do it. susie

I whole heartedly praise those out there who accepted their parenal responsiblities and worked hard and supported their families. And you are right that the success stories are rarely portayed on TV. I'm sure most of us have had unwed mothers etc in our family trees, and we know they had to work hard to provide and to put up with the stigma of being umarried etc. I think that some young parents should see what life was like for their 19th centuary counterparts - that was hardship. It makes me mad sometimes though to see the ones out there who are on benefits etc (like that woman who had 15 children and receives almost £75K a year in benefits - and wants another child) when I have worked hard to feel like I have done something for myself, and I strive to do things properly etc and then some 16 year old gets pregnant and the government gives her a place to live and regular income. I think its a shame because those young parents make society think that every young parent is like that - which is not the case. I personally know I would never have coped if I had a child at a young age. My parents would have been furious, but would have supported me. My mum had my sister when she was 23, and my brother when she was 25, and me when she was 33. I have a great relationship with my mum and had the opportunity as the youngest to live with my parents alone once my sister and brother had left home. My mum always told me not to jump into bed with the first person who told me they loved me. Sadly I did go through a phase of being a bit wild but that stemmed from a bad experience - my first time I was actually raped aged 14. I went through years of being terrifed of sex and then had a phase of trying to prove to myself that I wasn't and having one night stands etc. Thankfully I took precautions every time. Now I am in a loving relationship (after a few disasters) and I regret what I did before completely and wish that my OH was the only one I'd ever been with. My sister is in her mid thirties and has two lovely daughters aged 3 and 4 months. She waited until she was at a point with her career where she could take a break and know she could come back. She made sure she had all the qualifications so that she was an asset to the company. I applaud those who have made a go of things and success with their families etc. Perhaps if the media let people know more about that it might rub off on the next generation of possible young parents. A work colleague of my ex's was married and her husband told her in no uncertain terms that if she got pregnant he was leaving her - and guess what? Yep he got her pregnant and he left. As for my parents friends - I just couldn't believe that the social services were accusing them of neglect etc because they couldn't afford to pay for her to go on this ski trip. Their daughter told SS that they had told her she couldn't go, so SS come along guns blazing and demand they pay for her to go. Their daughter has done some awful things - she even hid under her parents bed with a knife and jumped out at them in the middle of the night... mental!