General Chat

I whole heartedly praise those out there who accepted their parenal responsiblities and worked hard and supported their families. And you are right that the success stories are rarely portayed on TV. I'm sure most of us have had unwed mothers etc in our family trees, and we know they had to work hard to provide and to put up with the stigma of being umarried etc. I think that some young parents should see what life was like for their 19th centuary counterparts - that was hardship. It makes me mad sometimes though to see the ones out there who are on benefits etc (like that woman who had 15 children and receives almost £75K a year in benefits - and wants another child) when I have worked hard to feel like I have done something for myself, and I strive to do things properly etc and then some 16 year old gets pregnant and the government gives her a place to live and regular income. I think its a shame because those young parents make society think that every young parent is like that - which is not the case. I personally know I would never have coped if I had a child at a young age. My parents would have been furious, but would have supported me. My mum had my sister when she was 23, and my brother when she was 25, and me when she was 33. I have a great relationship with my mum and had the opportunity as the youngest to live with my parents alone once my sister and brother had left home. My mum always told me not to jump into bed with the first person who told me they loved me. Sadly I did go through a phase of being a bit wild but that stemmed from a bad experience - my first time I was actually raped aged 14. I went through years of being terrifed of sex and then had a phase of trying to prove to myself that I wasn't and having one night stands etc. Thankfully I took precautions every time. Now I am in a loving relationship (after a few disasters) and I regret what I did before completely and wish that my OH was the only one I'd ever been with. My sister is in her mid thirties and has two lovely daughters aged 3 and 4 months. She waited until she was at a point with her career where she could take a break and know she could come back. She made sure she had all the qualifications so that she was an asset to the company. I applaud those who have made a go of things and success with their families etc. Perhaps if the media let people know more about that it might rub off on the next generation of possible young parents. A work colleague of my ex's was married and her husband told her in no uncertain terms that if she got pregnant he was leaving her - and guess what? Yep he got her pregnant and he left. As for my parents friends - I just couldn't believe that the social services were accusing them of neglect etc because they couldn't afford to pay for her to go on this ski trip. Their daughter told SS that they had told her she couldn't go, so SS come along guns blazing and demand they pay for her to go. Their daughter has done some awful things - she even hid under her parents bed with a knife and jumped out at them in the middle of the night... mental!

jackie(in wales) i totally agree. i never had benefits either. i went back to work when my son was 6 weeks old.i was living with mum and dad and mum looked after my baby. i was earning £78 a month.out of that i paid mum board,fed and clothed myself and my baby . i had 2 brothers who were 8 and 9 at the time so mum was in a position to do so. when i returned from work at 6pm i took over where mum left off. i bathed and fed my son every night and also got up for the night feeds. he was my responsibility,not mums so i never expected her to do it. susie

I have just read the messages on this thread. I had my first child at 18 and did not claim benefits or get a house from it. What I got was a lot of hard work, nasty comments and looks from people that thought I was scum because I was an unmarried teenage mum who had obviously had planned her baby to get benefits and a house, a lot of strength from fighting peoples opinions and working extra hard to prove these people wrong, but most of all I have a beautiful daughter, who is kind and loving and has just became a mum herself. She is 17 and although I can hear like mother like daughter being said, I assure you she was not planning her baby but is looking after her baby herself and not claiming benefit, her boyfriend is working and supporting them. All I hope is that she is not made to feel ashamed as I was. Good luck to the girl with the triplets I hope she has the support she needs. To those of you that send this girl good wishes, thank you for restoring my faith in human kindness. To those of you that think all teenage mums are scroungers maybe you ned to spend a week in they're shoes and see how hard it really is.

tara i know exactly what your mum and dad mean lol i was a nanny by the time i was 36 and i loved it. at least i can give them back now and have a good nights sleep lol. however i did try to tell my kids not to repeat history but did they listen...no.lol my eldest son was 19 when he became a dad ,his girlfriend was 18.they married when the baby was 6weeks old.that was 10 years ago and they are so happy .they now have 4 gorgeous children. my daughter she was 18 (now 24)and is a wonderful little mum to.2 beautiful little girls. i think that some can cope and some cant,but with the right support they pull through. i owe everything to my mum and dad.without them i honestly think that i would have cracked. susie

Hi Susie My mum had my brother when she was 21, my sister at 23 and myself at 25.....She's now 53 and says that her and my dad are gald they had us when they did as they can enjoy their life togeather still young when we all moved out, they were 39 when we all of us had eventually joined the big wide world.....

hi theresa you had yours at almost the same age as i had mine. my eldest was born when i was 17,2nd when i was 19,3rd when i was 20 and 4th when i was 22. i am now 47 and i am so glad i had them young.i really couldnt cope with a young child now lol. i have 8 grandchildren and when they go home i feel worn out lol. there are fors and againsts. but as i said previously,i think that poor girl is far too young.i feel sorry for her susie

oh teresa the potty training, my son won't do it at all. tried allsorts, I'll do it tomorrw he says, putting potty away. He had done both on it once then nothing. He makes a joke of it. I was hoping he could go to nursery in Jan as he will be 3 but he not interested. catherine xx

I think its always a shame to see girls get into these kinds of situations and missing out on their childhoods and teenagehoods. Yes I agree that we shouldn't tar every girl with the same brush. My parents have friends whose 15 year old (now 17) had a baby. She had gone through a phase of being a total psycho, accused her father of abuse (which was totally untrue) and threatened to kill her mother countless times. In the end she was removed by social services - who placed her in a foster home. Now social services dont often come across a case where its the child who is the danger and not the other way around and so they just treated her like the injured party. She was given everything she could wish for - her foster family bought her lots of expensive christmas presents (as they get given money to buy presents with so they spent that and their own money on her) and it made her presents from her parents look like rubbish. Social services demanded that her parents pay for school skiing trips when they couldn't afford to pay - making their elder daughter resentful as she never got to go on the trip as they couldn't afford it then either. Social Services made her parents feel like the bad guys when they weren't at all. They gave their daughter everything and more and she turned into this crazy child. She got pregnant and the council gave her a flat and said it would all be paid for as long as she went to school/college. She did and now she has a brand new flat, is no longer with the father of the baby. And now her older sister is pregnant too - because she felt left out. When I was at school I had a best friend who got pregnant at 15. Her boyfriend was 18 and she told me they never used contraception and had an active sex life. I was horrified and gave her a big lecture on contraception etc. Then a few months later it turns out she was pregnant. She came from a christian family, like mine, and although her parents were horrified, they stuck by her. (She was adopted). They made the decision to give up the baby for adoption and her son was adopted about 6 weeks after he was born. Her boyfriend left her. Now I would have thought that after that she would have learnt her lesson. But instead not long after having the baby adopted she went out till all hours sleeping with anyone who came along. I dont have contact with her anymore as she moved away. I just feel sad that kids are hopping into bed with each other so soon these days. I'm only in my mid twenties but I just cant believe that they are all so eager to have sex. (It cant be much good at that age anyway!) Let alone not use contraception. Its just sad really. I know there are some brilliant single parents or teenage parents who make a sucess of it - but I just hope they can try and spread the message of taking precautions if you dont want an unplanned baby. I am engaged and while I would love to have children I want to wait till I am married and know we could financially support a family. I take precautions to ensure that we dont end up in a situation we couldn't handle. I just think that there needs to be more social lessons in school where teenage mums etc can come into schools to talk to their peers about their situations. There weren't many pregnancies at my school that I am aware of, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are a lot more now.

God doesn't that girl Catherines talking about want a life......At that age you need to experience and learn from things so that when your older you can know what your talking about having experienced it, so when your teaching your own children about responsiblity, respect, morals, the importance of education they can learn from mummy & daddy and follow their lead. Also how can someone that age be mentally prepared and able to cope with a newborn baby. I know teenagers do, but do you think they regret having children so early? Later on.

I know some one who had a baby at 14yrs old and to me these are baby's having babies they should be going out having fun not tied down with a baby I think Susie you have been very lucky but some ain't so lucky to family and friends to be with them to help. I had my first when I was 21yrs old and my second when I was 26yr my third when I was 31yrs and fourth at 37yrs old and it is hard as 2 of my boys are very hyper and it really makes me wonder if they could cope with not a lot off sleep and with a baby crying 24 hrs a day

catherine i also feel sorry for the girl,ive been there and its hard.bad enough with 1 let alone 3!!! i broke my mum and dads hearts when i told them but they stood by me.i am indebted to them. i have 3 sons and 1 daughter,the girl being the youngest. i drummed it into her to be careful because i wanted her to have a good time before she settled down. at the age of 18 she told us she was pregnant.i cried buckets. we stood by her though.and supported her all the way. she was my baby and she needed me,just like my mum and dad were with me. she had been with her boyfriend for 4 years and they are still together now.their little girl is now 6 and they have a 4 year old daughter aswell. my eldest son also became a dad at 19,his girlfriend of 3 years was 18 at the time. they have now been married 10 years and have 4 beautiful children. i just hope that the young girl has all the help she needs susie

There would be no way i could have coped with triplets at 16 yrs i should know i had triplets when i was nearly 32 yrs old and found it hard and tiring. Star

I agree with you suzie, I hope no-one thinks cos I put this thread up I'm having a go. Not at all. I feel sorry for the poor girl. But I'm sure with lots of help and support she will be fine, good job she got her mother around. I was 30 when I had my first child and my mother died 2 days after I had her, My father 9 months later. So with my husband we were doing ok. But me and him split when daughter was 2. I met my current OH a year or so later. We have been together ever since and got married last year. He has brought my daughter up as his own (she 10) and I too love him to bits. I never wanted anymore children, but he restored my faith and we had a son together nearly 3 yrs ago. catherine xx

I dont envy her, or feel pity. What does make me mad is why? Why does it happen in this day and age. People talk more openly about sex than they did years ago, theres plenty of places to get contraception. I donot agree with under age sex but if they feel they are old enough and responsible enough to do so, surely they are old enough/responsible to use contraception. It would really hurt me if my daughter found herself in that situation, I would feel I have failed, but I would support her.

i had my first son when i 17.i had been with his dad for 2 years ,but as soon as i fell pregnant he cleared off. i went back to work when baby was 6 weeks old,he was my life.i never went out with my friends.my life evolved around my son and work. i met my now hubby when my son was 6mths old.that was 29yrs ago! hubby was only 19 at the time and took on someone elses baby.hes fantastic,i adore him.and admire him so much for doing so. we married a year later.he has brought stuart up as his own. by the time i was 22 i had 3 more children. please dont tar all teenagers with the same brush. some of us are responsible and give up everything for our babies. susie

I was just 18 when I had my first baby. My husband had his job to do, and although I had my mum and MIL... she was my baby, and I wanted to do everything for her. Had she been TRIPLETS, yes help would be sorely needed, but HELP.... not taking over. Deanna X

I don't envy her at all..... but maybe if contraception was discussed by adults with their teenage daughters we would have fewer pregancies to frown at........ rather than the adult thinking their little girl won't be doing it! I know a young lady who was a mother of 2 before she was 18.... PLANNED them both and with the same father and she eventually married him.... would she change her life? no BUT she would do things differently now but she loves her children with every bone in her body!! I think this poor child has been thrown a googlie with triplets but imagine the regret she would feel if she had terminated and was never able to have children? TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR TREE AND SEE HOW 100 YEARS AGO IT WAS NORMAL EVERYDAY PRACTICE FOR TEENAGERS TO HAVE KIDS.......... they were just married by then in that day and age!! Its our society that is wrong having things like this as acceptable behaviour!

A fair few of my teenage friends have children. Not one of them did it to get a free flat or to sponge off the goverment. None of the children were planned, but I'd be more than willing to put money on the fact that many adults have found themselves in that same situation. They find life hard. They're all with their childrens fathers, and live to provide the best lives for their children just like adults do. They don't think it's 'cool', thought it was a nice 'fashion accessory' or have done it to copy their friends. They found themselves in a situation and did what they thought was right. Just like adults. Yes, they do get benefits but only because they can't afford childcare. Just like adults. I don't encourage teenage pregnancy, but I have a lot of admiration for younger parents. Life isn't easy for them but they love their children and do their best for them. There will always be a few bad apples but it isn't fair to tarnish all teenage mothers with the same brush and write them off as unresponsible.

What a nightmare. How can a 16 year look after triplets. I should imagine its difficult enough for an adult, but for a 16 year old it must be awful. As others have said good luck to her and the babies. I know I would have found it daunting in my 20's and 30's. Sue

crumbs! does that meen that by the time she's 65 she'll be a GGGrandmother? I really can't see why girls (and boys) want a baby so young, all those sleepless nights, all the washing, the screamin, no social life etc..... I was 7 when my brother was born and did anything I could to help at home even changing his nappies (real towelling square nappies not the disposable or moden shaped toweling ones) but I soon learnt that babies were hard work as they demand so much attention. Good luck to the kids is all I can say - at 16 the girl may well crack under the stay when the kids hit the terrable 2's if not before.