General Chat

PMSL, Tony, Good One!

This ones from Ray . . . I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Hell, ' said Herman, 'it's not just one car, It's hundreds of them!'

Hey Tony . . . . Did Lew tell you she got an inch this morning . . . the drought is over luv Laurie

lol...:>)) Well....better take daughter to Netball, but its pouring..so might be cancelled. Trouble is she still has to turn up..:>((( Tony Oz..:>)) ps. I dont suffer from stress...I'm a carrier...:>))

A woman standing naked in front of the bedroom mirror says to her husband, 'I feel fat, saggy and ugly. Pay me a compliment'. Her husband says, 'Your eyesight is blooming spot on.'

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Sorry, couldnt resist

Lew, That brings to mind the old one brain cells come and brain cells go . . . but fat cells will live on forever L xo

Greetings !!! *runs cackling mischievously through thread*

bingo

She's a Reb She's a Reb . . . Yahoo shes back L xo

Bloody Nora. Laurie and I do all the work and you buggers just lurk away in the background! Sheesh

oh bummer Laurie .. pmsl

Eh? I wuz jest strolling past - I dint know you were having an in depth conversation :( I missed anyway, it wasn't Laurie it was Cat OOooops wrong again - it was Rebs Jood

Yep, there goes that lunatic racing through the thread again *wanders off to the shed to arm the 303*

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. 'Come have a look over here,' says Paddy, 'it's Micheal O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.' 'That's nothing,' says Sean, 'here's one named Patrick O'Tool. It says here that he was 95 when he died.' Just then, Seamus yells out, 'Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!' 'What was his name?' asked Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, 'Miles, from Dublin.'

Are we telling jokes??? Here's one, hope I've sensored in all the right places. :-)) A guy was at the supermarket and after buying a few things he began to queue up in this really long line for the checkout. After about 15 minutes in the line he reached the checkout girl and just at that moment he remembered that he needed some condoms. Not wanting to line up again he said to the girl 'Oh I meant to buy some condoms but forgot' 'Do you know what size you are?' she asked. 'No,' he replied. 'OK drop your pants and I'll tell you what size you are'. The guy then, not being the shy type, drops his trousers and the girl has a feel with her hand and then says in the microphone '1 packet of large condoms to aisle 3 please', he pulls up his trousers, the condoms are brought to him and he pays his bill and goes on his way. Another male customer sees this and thinks he'd like to have this nice girl fondling his prick and so says the same thing to the girl. A similar course of events takes place, only this time after having a feel she says 'one packet of medium sized condoms to aisle 3 please', the condoms are then brought to him and he pays the bill and goes on his way. Also watching this course of events was a rather excitable 15 year old boy who then decides to queue up and try the same routine. 'I'd like to buy some condoms please, but I forgot' he says. 'Do you know what size you are?' she asked. 'No,' he replied. 'OK, I'll check. Whoops, mop and bucket to aisle 3 please!'

Honest, I was on my laptop and had set up a new browser, wanted to put Wattle on it - and had to enter all my details, saw how many msgs were left - otherwise I would just have clicked on Wattle and bypassed that part - oh shuddup Jood - no one can understand you. I was sooo overcome, I shut down Wattle, and then remembered why I had gone in there - to 'save' the site .. pmsl Jood <poor Jude - no-one believes her>