General Chat

Hi Liz, I have been trying to e-mail you but the mails keep coming back.
I just wanted you to know that I have been trying.
see you tomorrow on here.
Goodnight.... to all of you too.
Deanna XXX

Oh Deanna, I missed you again. But it is so good to see you on here. I haven't bought any credits for the 1911 as i can't think they will help me, most of that era I know about. however, a second cousin of my OH has bought credits for his Grandfather's census and I was amazed to see that his poor grandmother had had 18 children born alive. Only 13 seem to have survived though. 18!!!! And i assume there will have been miscarriages as well. No wonder granddad looks so smug in his photo!!

Ann
Glos

Talking of the 1911 I need to view more of my Essex bunch.

Doubt is part of OCD. It is one of the main symptoms.

Btw anyone on here a fan of Emmerdale? I am doing a 3D computer graphics simulation of the Emmerdale village on Google SketchUp.

Ben

Yes Ben i watch Emmerdale.

I did a long message this morning after sending a pm to Colin, somehow got way laid come back and instead of submitting I deleated it. Can't remember what I said now.
Been busy on 1911 census, made a few qustions and answered some.
Had great fun on there. Now have more info to add to my tree.
Hope you are all well. Mary my goodness you have it cold!
Eileen you getting thawed out? Kathy is J doing his exams? Hope he does ok.x

Hi all, thank you for the messages, pms and emails etc. I am sleeping such a lot at the mo, no energy at all so have a doctor's apptmt on Monday afternoon with my regular female doctor.

Having o.h. around is driving me nuts, and alas alack, the overtime has stopped this week, so he isn't going in to work on Saturday when he is usually out of the house till 6.30pm so I can do lots, calls, chores, go out, whatever takes my fancy. Thank heavens next week he is on late shift and I will have some time to myself. He did ring his son to see if he could visit him on the train and see the new house but of course it was too short notice and they have friends going round. If he knows in time for next Sat whether he is working or not, maybe he will go that weekend instead, I got so excited thinking I would see the back of him for two days and then darn it, he couldn't go. If he had gone this w/e he could have travelled back on Monday morning too so I would have had two nights without him as well but the alternate w/e he has to be on early shift. At least he cooked the dinner last evening, but it wasn't much, only gammon steaks, eggs. chips. beans and onion rings so not much in the way of veg content and lots of washing up which he didn't do! He uses so many utensils and pans and such whereas I am much more thrifty with those items cutting down on the washing up, which I usually do too.

I will try and catch up with you all soon, my box got full again with emails and such, so as fast as I try to catch up I get behind again!

take care everyone, and thanks again for your support.
love and hugs
Lizxxx

Hi,
Carole, got your lovely PM and have now replied. There seem to be many on this board with really difficult problems, I think that I am one of the lucky ones. Only relatively mild now, just the occasional down day. I have been much worse and I think it does get better. Not that I would have believed that if someone said it to me a few years ago.
Ben, interesting your comments about doubt. and OCD. I have been told that OCD is related to depression and anxiety. It seems that the self talk is doubt- have I washed my hands enough? Did I lock the house, or the car? My next door neighbour rattles his door for many seconds every morning as he goes to work. Perhaps he has OCD, or maybe just a dicky Yale lock. Mine gives a satisying click. I sometimes return to my car to check that I have locked it, but only once. This is normal, but when does normal become abnormal? Perhaps when it becomes disabling.
Liz, I have not really read your messages before, but I think that sleep may be nature's way of saying slow down. (edited thought)It can be a way of hiding from the world, so I am glad you're seeing a doctor you know. In my own experience, If I am hyped up I have trouble falling asleep, but if I am in a depression one of the symptoms is waking early morning with bad thoughts going round and round in my head. I now deal with them by listening to a classical FM station (lights out) or as a last resort turning the light on and reading until I fall asleep again, often a couple of hours. To me, the important thing is not to worry about lack of sleep. You will catch up later, if you need to. I have just done two night shifts. Nearly dead on my feet when I came home this morning our time but fortunately I can catch the train to the job. Less than 5 hours yesterday, 4 hours today. But I have 2 nights off and will sleep tonight!!! Luxury, as the yorkshireman said.
Love to all and hang in there. Colin.

Thanks for your input Colin, I have ocd, I hoard, and cannot get rid of things, and I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, suffered from depression from the time I was young only then it was called nervous debility! I am in my early sixties now.

I don't sleep well at night when my o.h. is snoring next to me so prefer to be on here in peace and quiet and then sleep when he goes to work, he will be getting up in a mo for the early shift so I will go up then, otherwise when he is on the late shift I go up and sleep fitfully while he is fidgeting and snoring till he gets up then manage to sleep till I need to get up or I wake, depending on my plans for the day. However sometimes my plans don't work out if I get woken by outside noises or something and I have had a lot of stress lately meaning when I get up, even taking a bath can make me need to rest, or sometimes I just change my plans and go back to sleep, as this week, feel like a rag been wrung out, or another way to describe the feeling is that if someone is holding me up by a ribbon and they let go, I would just fold to the floor - does that make sense? I don't take medication for depression etc only 5htp which has kept me fairly ok this last few months.
I really want/need to live alone but that isn't practical and achievable at the mo.
Lizx


By the way, one of my ex neighbours used to 'try' her door handle numerous times as she locked the back door from inside before leaving through the front, and I would count sometimes 17 times, till I called out it's locked, R. altho she didn't hear me, but that is typical of ocd and some people end up being unable to go out for fear of leaving the gas on or door unlocked etc.

Liz, hope your doctor can sort you out. Is there any chance that you could be anaemic? Or maybe it is just that the long winter and dark days is pulling you down. I do wish that you could get your house sorted and move back there. I am sure that is the tonic you need.

Ann
Glos xx

Annie thank you and I will PM you when I get around to it.

Liz Try thinking of something completely unattainable such as a world cruise... book it, pay for it, take someone with you... (your favourite film star for instance) buy new clothes, pack them, tell everyone where you are going and when...... get the picture?
You will be asleep before you board the cruiser.
I know this works as I have used it at my very lowest in my life, many many moons ago.

Mary I hope your little one understands because she did not mean that, and he b***dy asked for it! Was he punished?
Anyway folks tea is ready and I am being called AGAIN!

Look after yourselves and I will try and come on again tomorrow.... no visitors tomorrow.
Lots of love to all
Deanna XXX

Deanna, what a great way to get to sleep. I often find planning things like that helps if I can't go to sleep. I also try and solve my F History mysteries but that, unfortunately is more likely to wake me up!!!

Ann xx

Hi all, I have no problem going to sleep when I go up if o.h. stays still and doesn't fidget or snore but I don't stay asleep very long, it's the fibromyalgia, it affects the quality of sleep so you don't get enough of the refreshing sleep - I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling good and raring to go lol
But, guess what? O.h. decided he would go to his son's after all, like organising a major event just to pack and catch a train later today but when I get up he will be gone, sadly only till Sunday evening but better than nothing, and I will enjoy having the house to myself for the rest of the day and the night and tomorrow lol

I don't think I am anaemic - I am always having blood tests done and they come back with good results, my doctor tells me they show I am disgustingly healthy lol so I think it is just the lack of good quality sleep and until I can get rid of the fibromyalgia, I am stuck with sleeping when I can and how I can if that makes sense. Even when I go on holiday and we have seperate rooms, and I go to bed earlier etc etc, I still don't feel any better when I wake up to get up, often wake and go back to sleep for a while and so on. O.h. always says it is because I stay up all night etc but he won't read up on fm so won't try to understand that it doesn't make any difference what time I go to bed, I won't/don't get the right sleep. When I was in Malta with my son, I was going to bed earlier and still didn't wake up refreshed altho I was naturally less stressed with o.h. not being around.
Will catch up with myself soon
love and hugs

Lizxx

Well last evening oh and I took a chair, stool and mini oven for my auntie. It is the first time I have been for months as I just can not cope with the mess and her excuses and complaints. No one does anything for her ...... But if anyone tries she will not let them do anything, she can't cope with any change. So I didn't tell her we were taking these things just turned up with them. Can't it wait while I get my tea? she said. Yes, I said you go eat it we will deal with this. Tea was a sandwich banana and a cup of tea, which wasn't made but the water was still in the small saucepan (which she had forgot to turn on). So we got the stuff in and after eating she had a look. Excuses about the chair, until we said sit on it, it's free. Then she liked it, and wanted it in place of the one she bought second hand a couple of years ago. The oven she said leave it on the floor she would sort it out later. oh carried on moving stuff to make a place for it. She had a tray on a low cabinet which he moved and told her to sort the contents of the tray later. She said I don't feel like doing much at the moment. Understatement of the year!!! She hasn't felt like doing much for the last 60 years. Her older chair had it's feet stood on coffee jar lids because they were making holes in her thread bare carpet. A carpet that hasn't seen a sweep in 40 years. It belonged to my parents before her! Things should be so much better for her. I couldn't stop itching last night I don't know if it was in my head or if I had been bitten! No bite marks this morning. Everyone is trying to talk her into going into a caretaker flat. My cousin has offered her £40.000 for her teraced house and told her she can live rent free. She is rent free it is paid for and worth double that sum! Cheeky sod her. I feel so angry, this cousin see's a quick turn over. Has never done anything for aunt or visited her. (Offer was made via her dad). I wish auntie would let us help her. She is just sat knitting waiting to die (she is 86 in April). Empties her comode in outside loo, cos she can't get upstairs. Walks holding onto her washing line! Will not have an alarm, what if she falls, she could be there hours before she is found. Her brothers are both in their 80's and finding it harder to keep doing for her. Not that they do much. My mum can't do anything as she is house bound looking after my dad. Social services went Monday after we phoned them and asked her if she was happy living there. Aunt gave them the same story we all get everytime we see her ( have had for years) all her neighbours have moved away she knows two people in the passage. They do not visit, guess who wants the responsibllity of her and the same moans every day!

Sorry I have gone on a bit, I feel so angry that she is left there.
The house is falling down around her.

Carole,what would you actually like to see done for your aunt? What would you like to see offered to her?

I just feel that you and others see that something is wrong and should be rectified but don't know what or how.

Aunty was asked if she was happy and said she was for fear of being offered something that would make her still less happy.

Can you see the Social Services and work our what she can be offered that will make life better for her? Then she can be offered something positive with all the details explained.She,quite evidently, doesn't know what to expect and is justifiably scared of what it might entail.

Like you,she has lived with NPD and been frightened with all sorts of stupid threats I expect.I was,I bet you were too,approved school,borstal,childrens home and,of course,the social services were some kind of authority out to punish me for my wrong-doings.She would have been trained to hide her feelings and needs from authority alright.

You have to persuade her that it just ain't so.
Good luck,after that you will feel that nailing a jelly to the ceiling is child's play.

Sharron I'd like to see her in a place that is on one floor so she can get to her bathroom. A kitchen that she can get hot water in. A bedroom that isn't damp. We told her we found a place for £58 a week. The sale of her house would keep her for the rest of her life time. It would be near imposible to go into her present home and clean for her, she has her stuff all round her so she can easily get to it, on the floor, under her chairs and table. She has no hoover. We told her we would deal with everything, she could walk out of her door, into a new place. She would rather die than move! What makes me upset is when my mum tells me aunt says mum is lucky she has me and my sister to help her. No one does anything for her. When we try she always has an answer that means she does not want to change. It upsets me to leave her in such a dirty house. No washing machine, fridge, freezer. If her brothers get so they can't get to her where will she get her food ect from? I have enough on my plate without being responsible for her, when she won't do anything to help me. I could shop for her and stock up a fridge and freezer but couldn't go every couple of days with fresh milk, bread and so on. I'd like to move her wardrobe and dressing table down stairs so she has more clothes to wear, and store near her. She wouldn't want me going upstairs (alone pinching) sorting her stuff out. But I could bring it down for her to sort. Another thing a cousins daughter has been visiting recently and stuff is going missing. A gold snake bracelet with amethest stone in it, my uncle bought it for her years ago. Poems wrote by my uncle while he was a POW in WW2. And other stuff.
Auntie had missed the toilet a few times as there are marks on the carpet! Looks like she has tried to wipe it up but left a skid.
(Sorry).
I am trying to get her condemed cooker taken away. Then a joiner friend of ours is going to get a piece of worktop and some shelving to hold it up. That would give her more space to have her stuff, and more area to make her lunches, and have her worktop oven and two ring cooker. At the moment they are on an emamel tray. Posibly the top off an old twin tub.
I'm also going to try get her disability allowance, so she has a bit more money to pay for a cleaner, or meals on wheels. What ever she wants really.
Thanks for your views xx

Carole, that's so awful if your cousin's daughter is stealing from her, has she told you things are missing or how do you know? Is there any way you can stop this girl going round or does she deliver shopping?
I hope you can sort things out so you feel happier about her being there, if the place is damp and such she must be strong to cope with it all and still be sitting there knitting!
take care and try not to get yourself too worked up about it, as you can't make her change if she won't do it.
Lizxx

Hello everyone,

Sunday afternoon, have been around to help daughter Eleanor with her (mounds-always) of washing.This pc is not behaving at all well lately, have had to ask one or two lovely members of GR, mostly on this D/A thread not to send me anymore funnies or other nice thingies, because of the possibility of a bug getting into the system, which can happen,even with all the (strong) anti-virus/firewalls/whatever trying to protect us. Have had to ask for the lovely members not to send them anymore.Thye DO contain bugs, whatever, this is on advice of more sources of IT specialsts!
Anyway. My ex turned up friday evening. Had to laugh, as he had no idea that I was looking at my tree, something I hadn't done since a year ago. He drank some tea with me, then came up to see the tree I had built a year ago. Have a great, long list which a s.i.l gave me about 12 months ago. Sitting up here with him, was a bit wierd, as was the single red rose he gave me, and the 3 hugs and kisses, which is usual in the Dutch culture, piched from the French custom. It felt right but wierd to sit up here in my computer room with him ,as thougn we had never had seperated. I know he has a lot of regrets about the way he treated me and our children, as is fairly obvious in this beautiful song, Fields of Athenry, By a group called Scruffy and the Tullamore Tree. Absolutely Gorgeous !!!!Phew, strong stuff.WOW!!, sort of makes our feelings clearer, on both sides. Just google this mae to find out.

Daughter Fiona phoned yesterday, a VERY long chat, about something tha was bothering her and, her son and Russian hubby. Long talk, long discussian, won't go into details. Not neceeassary. Made me realise just hoe easy I had iit back in the later '70's.

Love to all from Eileen. xxx

Hi everyone

I have not been around for the past week .Had that tummy bug and spent a lot of time in the loo !!!

Thanks Liz for letting people know .

I have not had time to read all the posts but thought I should let you know that I am still alive and kicking

love

Kathy xx

Hi Kathy, glad youa re better.

Hi Eileen, good to see you on here. You had not asked me but I wont send you any more funnies. although they have not caused me a problem.

Ann
Glos

Hi everyone,

Its been a great weekend for me, Had a great nite last nite with my sister in law Pearl.

We talked about mum had good cry and laughed about things we had done with her over the years.

Sending (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))to everyone.

Take care all