General Chat

Sorry haven't been able to get on, you all remain in my thoughts and close to my heart xxx



Copied from the other thread.

Thank you very much for all your good wishes. I have been unable to add as my computer is playing up! Have my daughters lap top here so taking the opportunity to let you all know what has gone on.

Mum called me Dad was ill and she had called an ambulance, I met them at the hospital where we were told after tests and an x ray it was probably pneumonia. After hours of waiting Dad got put on EAU and we were able to leave him. (He had a stroke seven years ago which left him paralised down his right hand side and took his speech).We had to stay to answer all questions about him. Six hours after getting to the hospital I got to bed at 2am.

Dad was moved to a ward next day. He was yellow and looked very ill. He deteriorated and by Sunday before bank holiday Monday the Dr sent for us and said his kidneys had stopped working and his other organs were giving up.His right lung was half full of fluid.The likely hood of him leaving hospital were very small. But they would continue to treat him. IF he survived till Thursday (because that is the only day they have the Dr's there to do the op) they could do a big op but he wasn't likely to survive it and if he did it would mean weeks in intensive care. Dad motioned not to have the op. But there was still a chance IF he survived to Thursday they could try doing endoscopy and if needed put in a stent to open blockage . This he had done and since that he has improved in colour but remains very sleepy. He just wakes and stares. He's hardly eating, just custard, ice cream rice pudding. Hardly been out of bed. Then we were told Tuesday this week they were looking to discharge him!! There is no way Mum can care for him like this any more. She has had seven years of doing everything for him. Care workers coming in for about a year, mornings to get him washed dressed and on loo.Then at night they get him into bed. So I am now looking for a nursing home even if its for respite care untill / if he improves. He is 81 Mum is 78.
I don't get on well with Mum so it's made even harder having to spend so much time with her!
Thanks again for all your caring thoughts xx

Dear Carole, sending you strength to keep going, I know how hard it is to watch your Dad deteriorate before your eyes. Hopefully a comfortable place can be found quickly for him, so you can also have some rest.
I've been away for a week, made a quick decision to take miniMary and Em to Walt Disney World in Florida. The two of them needed some time to just be kids, to enjoy being sisters, having fun without the extra stressors they live with. I managed to surprise them, said we were going to a hotel for a few days and they only clued in when we arrived at the Buffalo airport. They have never before had such a bonding time together, it was a joy to behold. I was worried about whether we could make it through the week financially but the day we left for our trip , an unexpected rebate cheque came into my account, so I concluded that I was doing the right thing. I had a wonderful time with both girls, miniMary is much more relaxed and talked a lot while we were away, without the constant interruptions.. I remain concerned about her anxiety levels, but on the whole it was a therapeutic week.
Sarah and gareth were at day camp for the week so it was a good time to go. we will take the lot of them at a later date I hope - everywhere we went I heard comments about how Sarah or Gareth would love this . . . We have created a memory, these two girls deserved some extra attention for a change. Emlyn travelled very well, chatted up her neighbours on the plane and buses.

Now I am back and received a contact from GR which has helped me solve a puzzle I have struggled with for years. I think I have worked out that she and my children's father are third cousins - their great-grandmothers were sisters. I am absolutely thrilled.

group hug, and special thoughts to those who really need them today.
mary

Hello from a grey, very miserable Holland,

This is one of my very rare ‘appearances’ on the D/A thread.Keep meaning to post, but don’t, won’t even make up excuses.Have so many mails arriving every day, it is hard work to keep up with them-not saying I don’t appreciate or like people sending them-it just takes hours to reply.I don’t want to be sitting behind the p.c so much now, because my already rather poor circulation is being badly affected by sitting down for long periods.Am not complaining, just telling how it is.Have also so much going on, am trying to ‘stay afloat’, as it were, an uphill battle a lot of the time.Very difficult and upsetting!

W.N, your “black dog” description for depression is a very good one.Exactly how it feels.Horrible! Hope your B.D is under controle by now? I wish you a lot of strength with your battle.
Carole, have been thinking a lot about you lately.It is terrible to just sit on your hands, as it were, and watch a loved one in such a state.It is only 4 years ago that I watched helplessly whilst my beloved aunt slowly died over a period of 6 months…the last weeks being truly so horrific, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. When my mother died in ’97, it was awful too, but, at least she was in a coma for the last week…
Hope your dad is able to get his appetite back somewhat, and is able to do more than sit and stare.Poor man,, and poor you.Hope you can find a decent nursing home for him very soon.Am sorry to hear you don’t get on with your mum, she could have been a bit of support for you during this difficult time.

Mary, you certainly are a gran in a million.It makes the mind boggle reading about all the things you squeeze into a day, don’t know how you manage. Poor little girl losing a beloved pet is aways very sad, she must be heart-broken, but, again, you showed just how good a gran you are, by taking MiniM and Em to Disney land in Florida….
Hope you don’t mind me asking, but what is a ‘bushel’, and what are ‘cucs’? I bought some nectarines at the local market on friday, am planning on making jam too, but will do it the Breton way, i.e dried spearmint added.This is normally done with apricots(and mint), but they looked so tiny and hard on friday. Have frozen blueberries (picked them ourself) and strawberries in, because I didn’t have the time to make jam with them, will do so soon. I use a special sugar, which means the jam is not very sweet and is ready one minute after you bring it to the boil.Never failed yet. Funny thing is, I don’t like jam, just enjoy making it and giving it as pressies. Oh yes, have also cooked and frozen rhubarb in, am planning on making rhurbarb and (fresh) ginger jam soon.

Sharron, those plums your dad picked, were they on a bush/tree that had long, very sharp thorns? My neighbour has a tree in his front garden with those lovely, sweet plums. They are called wild plums, they never touch them, always manitained they are poisonous, so I picked many, many kilos of them, gave a lot to one of my daughters in Amsterdam, put a lot in the freezer and ate countless amounts…lol ! The downside of that plum tree is, it is standing so close to the pavement (almost in my garden) that all the plums that constantly fell off, made a terrible mess on the pavement.Lots of complaints from people walking passed.I didn’t explain it wasn’t my tree, don’t want to make problems for the neighbours, as they are nice people.This year is had a bumper crop, never seen so many, but the terrible mini tornado we had a couple of months back, brought some branches down, and many kilos of fruit…they have decided to get rid of it in the autumn. Shame really, because it is such a beautiful, hopeful sight in spring with the lovely blossom…ah well…Mind you, there is a baby plum tree growing in my garden now…..ha ha…that will def.have to go before it becomes a nuisance.
Right, I will have to get oving before my backside gets stuck to the chair.
Have a peaceful day further and a ditto week head.

Eileen

Eileen according to the conversion table a bushel is just over 36 litres or 8 UK gallons.. All I know is, it's a very big basket with 2 handles and 2 people to lift it when full !!
Cucs are cucumbers!
I use rhubarb to make chutney with apples and sultana raisins. Love it, save the rhubarb till autumn when the apples are available.
Today I am Freecycling books and other paraphenalia of my son's, ,
Em has just squashed her foot in the door so have to put on my nurse cap.
TTFN
Mary

Thank you Mary for explaining what cucs are.Hope you aren ot hiding your light under a bush(el)lol. Excuse the weak joke. Haven’t heard the word bushel for donkey’s years, it conjures up visions of nice plump milk maids and cheeky farm hands chasing them around the haystack….ha ha.

Apples and pears are available over here.Have been in the shops and farms for a couple of weeks.My old Conference pear tree is looking decidedly dejected. Have decided to have it dug up at last. It had lots of blossom in the spring, but most of it fell off, ditto tiny pears, now there are about 20 hanging on for dear life. Many did grow, but had chunks eaten out of them, or just rotted.The tree is not a happy bunny. The neighbours with the wild plum tree, have a quince tree growing next to the dividing fence out back….Last year there were sooo many quinces, this year, even more, but they are tiny. Have carefully pruned(with their permission) branches hanging too far over my garden,some almost touching the ground.I don’t like or use the quince but a daughter in Amsterdam does, so have given a lot to her over the years.
Never thought of using rhubarb in chutney…interesting idea. My sister only had a few red tomotoes last year, so made green tommy chutney, this year she only has 3 green ones, no other red ones at all. My tomato plants are another story…
I only red back to page 591, so didn’t mention any other names, but do think of you.Thank you Colin for mentioning me.I really must try to get on here more often……

Be happy and healthy all of you.

Eileen

Bullaces.That's what they are it seems.

The jam is a bit sharp but very apricot like.Mixed some with ground almonds and egg and put it in a pastry case like a Bakewell today.Haven't cut it yet but look forward to doing so.

I am so pleased about Carole's dad,it all seems particularly relevant to me.He will be looked after now I am sure without wearing poor Carole into the ground with worry.

Wish MaxiMary was my grandmother.Wonder if she would adopt me.As if she hasn't enough problems!

what a lovely surprise for the girls Mary, wonderful memories for them too.

Eileen looks like your store cupboard will be full of jam when you have done then.

Well,we have cut the tart thing and I don't like it.It is very rich and sweet but OH likes it.

Anybody want a bit?

My'"store cupboard"will certainly not be anywhere as full as Mary's.......

Not long in, have a lot to do, many mails to send....am suprised to see the sun, dire weather was forcaste for today.....oooppps, maybe I shouldn't alert the gods.

Eileen

I'm back!! Computer fixed last night (daughters new boyfriend works in IT).
I so missed not being able to reply to messages. And I normaly do my banking on line, and couldn't do that. I was getting spoof sites come up asking for all my banking details!! Thats was allerted us there was a problem.

Mary I love Disney I just know what a wonderfull place it is for kids and adults. Sorry about you all loosing your beloved pet though.

Eileen we pulled apples off a tree that over hangs our garden and Steve made some apple bread, and a lovely apple pudding. James brought us courgettes and tomatoes last night grown on his dads allotment. Steve will be looking at his new found Amish recipies web site for ideas for using them.

Sharron hope you and your dad are enjoying his crop harvesting!

Ann thanks for your kind words regarding my Dad. He is still in hospital and it's confusing to know what is going on. They say things that make us think he isn't well but talk about him being dischraged.

Colin how is your sister and BIL? How are you and your partner?

Must let Gail know I'm back on line! Hope she is okay. And Deanna so we can share jokes again.

Well picking Mum up again today will try catch Dr again! I got Dad off the sedative and he was much more alert yesterday . Although he did get tired after we had been there an hour and a half!

Caz thank you for putting up the thread and keeping friends informed as to how Dad was. It was very kind of you.
And I know Dutch hasn't been well so sending healing thoughts over to Dutch x

Claire hope you saw your black dog sooner rather than later. It's so much better if you recognise the symptos before they get a strong grip on you. Hope you have been to the Dr and started some treatment.

I ended my psychiatric treatment I hated it! Every week going into a room to talk! I just seemed to get moaning about Mum every week. Steve and people at work say I'm lots better and often ask what I am on, and can they have some! I feel more like I am an okay person and can act as me and not put on a front. I stil struggle with my two sides but the real me is coming through. I do worry about jokes I have made and if I have upset people But it's mum she is the one who gets upset at jokes made by her SIL's for instance, anyone else would laugh. But not her. No wonder I think I will upset people, I have grown up upsetting her and then pay with silent treatment cos she has taken a remark personally that others would just poke fun back at me. I have a friend at work who started with us a few months ago, she calls me names (four eyed bitch) and I tease her back but it's because we like each others sense of houmour! It's funny cos she calls me while stood infront of me with her glasses on too. My sister told her husband not to skit with mum, sister also told mum not to skit with her husband. So her husband said the circus was in town seeing mums pants on the line! Mum was very upset. Things like that she holds against people for ever. How can anyone have fun with someone like that? Oh here I go again !!!! LOL

Carole,you are getting there.Good on yas!

As I have put on another thread,my mother died fourteen glorious years ago yesterday and the old man had his stroke four years ago today,so he had ten good years!

Just to even things up,the other half lost his job yesterday,Goddammit!
We will cope,we always bloody do.Doesn't everybody?Even when they think they won't.

Must go now.The old man has a new wheelchair and I need to keep him in sight.

Took mum to visit dad Friday. She told dad she had brought him a banana, but Carole had left it in the car! So I said, she had also left it in the car. God did she give me the look of wonder. (What she had left it). Then returning to the car the bag wasn't there. It was still at my house. I had told mum to get a taxi to my house, and so she had brought in the bag, then forgotten it.
Feeling poorly yesterday (vertigo) I told mum I wouldn't be going to the hospital. So Mum told me to ring my sister! Tell her I wasn't going and see what sister was doing. Sister was at work so I sent a text. Sister said she wasn't going as she had lots to do. Guess what sister picked mum up went to hospital took mum home cut mums grass!! That wouldn't have got done if I had been able to go. I would have just said my grass also needs cutting and I don't have a gardener!

Hi all hows you?

I am doing quite good lately. Had another bout of the anxiety over the summer but it has dwindled. Sorry if I offend anyone who likes summer but I dislike summer. Because of the heat it heightens anxiety and I dont like breaking out into a sweat, darkness for only 5 hours, busier roads and more people running around.

One of my pet hates is self appointed mods of forums, members who have no authority whatsoever who think they are mods and they requote the rules to members. Who do these jobsworths think they are?

On Sunday OH and I went out for a couple of hours,leaving the old man on the bed. When we came home he was looking excitedly at his right foot which he was moving up and down and he could do a hell of a push against my hand. Tonight,while the carers were putting him to bed, he shouted at them to look and he moved his whole leg over.

Doesn't sound much does it,but he has not been able to move them for four years since he had his stroke.Oh,well,not too long to the Olympics!

It gets better.He managed to kick me tonight.That pleased him I bet.

Sharron, well done your Dad, moving his foot is a big step forward (no pun intended).
Carole, I can empathise, my Mum had no sense of humour if the humour was directed against her.Sshe once refused to speak to myself, my other half and my Dad (who had done nothing) for 2 weeks when my OH made a funny - to us- comment to her.

I am so impressed by Carole. Those who have not lived it could not comprehend how much courage she had to muster and,oddly enough, the world has not come to an end!

Carole,you are amazing!

Sharron that is fantastic!!! You must all have felt thrilled. He sounds such a cheeky devil! Sort of thing my Dad would have done, he would do things like that when he was able. May your Dad continue to make these leeps Sharron.

Mum phoned yesterday to see how I was! I told her how dizzy and sick I had been, but of course her sympathy turned to how she felt like that. How hard she used to work! Never got any help from Dad. Just had to carry on. Oh then saying good bye, she said love you. Huh huh, yes bye Mum !
She is having decorators in at last (we refuse to be edged into doing it).
No one able to take pictures down everyone dropping ill like flies. But my sister has taken down her curtain vallance. Gardener is coming to move pictures and anything else she needs moving.

There was a note pushed through the letter box this morning, I saw hand wrote dissap I immediatly thought someone was dissapointed with me! It was next door dissapeared on holiday! Would we put the bin out next week! This is the sort of thing that haunts me. I always think people have this negative image of me. At Mums I was only a good girl if I was doing what Mum said. I just can't grow up!

But I think that you are getting there Carole as you now recognise that is how she makes you feel. So well done, and let your sister do it all if she wants to, as long as you feel strong enough to put your foot down.

Carole, I empathise with you, I always had to do things to please my mother, eg. pass my 11plus to please Mum (that was from her sister, my favourite Aunt.)
And when I went away to work in a holiday camp one summer, giving up a good job in an office, I was told off by another uncle for worrying my mother. I was 20 for heaven's sake and didn't come home pregnant but learned to be a bit independent. I never did anything right until I had my son, wasn't right cos I was a single Mum but she so wanted a grandchild and my brother's son born the month before, wasn't as close to my parents as my lad was, so I was sort of accepted. Mind you, I almost ceased to exist then, I was just G's mother, the means to a grandchild, and felt more or less invisible when I took him round there. She undermined me as much as she could, going against the way I wanted to bring him up, until I threatened to stop him visiting.

Keep on telling yourself you have only yourself to please, if anyone else is disappointed it's their problem, not yours. See how the neighbours appreciate and accept you that you can be responsible enough to put the bin out for them.

Love to all
Lizxxx