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a reminder to posters and 'helpers'

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


chrissiex Report 11 Jul 2011 17:34

not all living relatives requests are 'genuine'

I recently receive a message about a request posted here

I had been a little concerned about it so a related person contacted me to inform me

the person who posted the search was acting in very bad faith

that person knew the history and the reasons for the estrangement and that there were serious reasons not to contact the person sought

but of course did not inform the members of this website of any of that

the person was provided with contact information before the family became aware of the situation and had the message here deleted

please be careful, fellow helpers, especially when someone is looking for a relative of a young age, even if an 'adult'

there is no point in saying in this post 'please do not try to deceive us when you request help here'

but maybe genesreunited should include an instruction to posters not to post here if their situation has involved any kind of legal case in the past .....

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby Report 11 Jul 2011 19:56


Thank you for putting this up i was trying to say this regarding a certain thread last night

But unfortunately i dont think it was worded as good as you have put it

Although said thread has now gone


jax Report 11 Jul 2011 20:53

How is anyone going to know ??

Teenagers do not hide anything, I have seen that with my own children where they post on Facebook "Is in my bed" you then click on it and you get a map of the road with an arrow pointing to the house for everyone in the world to see because the profile is not private.

So maybe parents should keep an eye on what their children are doing if they do not want unwanted callers



chrissiex Report 11 Jul 2011 21:20

I guess I just think there are certain 'red flags' we can watch out for

if a person who is ( or claims to be ) a parent or grandparent ... or maybe aunt or uncle ... of a minor ... or someone who has just barely become an adult ... asks for help locating that person ...

I think the first question that comes to mind should be

'why is this person not in touch with that child or grandchild or niece/nephew?'

for a parent ... or the parent's parent or sibling ... to be unable to contact a child, that suggests something other than drifting apart, it suggests the authorities may have been involved or at the least that the other parent was protecting the child or children.

It could suggest that the other parent improperly kept the child from contact with the parent now seeking contact

but that really is not a 'missing family' situation it is a child custody situation and uninformed strangers however well-meaning really should not meddle, in my own opinion.

Please be assured I am not criticizing any helpful members of genesreunited, it is too easy to be taken in when we want to help, there is no sin in being deceived, and it is the deception that is the problem.


Rambling Report 11 Jul 2011 22:05

Why has the OP been RR'd ? It was a perfectly legitimate comment/reminder to helpers that one can't assume every search/searcher has legitimate reasons or good intent when trying to find someone.

There are many GOOD reasons why some people do not wish to be found, every helper has to make a decision on when to help or when it may be better not to do so...but it doesn't hurt to be reminded once in a while to think twice and consider the age of person being looked for, and/or the integrity of the person looking if they give out very personal details.


chrissiex Report 11 Jul 2011 22:09

oh my, in fact the person whose family was affected by a recent problem post here has thanked me for putting up this post

but I suppose it was on the wrong board and should have gone on 'Genealogy Chat' or some such


jax Report 11 Jul 2011 22:12

Now this does not make any sense to report this thread


Rambling Report 11 Jul 2011 22:12

I think the 'right' place to post a thread is the board on which it will be read by the very people who most need to read it. ( my personal opinion lol).


jax Report 11 Jul 2011 22:13

Why put it on Genealogy chat people looking for living relatives post here not there

snap rose



chrissiex Report 11 Jul 2011 22:46

thank you RamblingRose and others, it did seem like a timely problem

I have been guilty of giving 'too much information' myself on occasion I know so the reminder was a good one for me too :-)

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby Report 11 Jul 2011 22:52


No need to say thank you at all as far as i can see

Also to be thanked in the way that you was also means they felt the same way

As i said above i really hope Genes see your post in the same way because there was nothing wrong with it at all


Lisa Report 12 Jul 2011 08:10


As far as I an concerned the post by Chrissie x was a general word of warning to everyone using this site. Nothing sinister and only general comments were made. So it should not of been removed by GR :-(


Flick Report 12 Jul 2011 09:57

This is a very sensible - and timely - reminder.

I do feel that members should be a little more circumspect when considering passing on info about living people.


Astra Report 12 Jul 2011 12:03

If someone does not maintain contact with their family there is generally a very good reason for it and for us to try and re-unite them is not always in everyone's best interests. Wanting to find and wanting to BE found are very different animals.

On the Living Relatives board when several people are working on a thread the information is often PM'd to the OP without a thought for the repercussions and the distress it may cause. I realise that a seasoned researcher will always question the whys and wherefores of any request but the whole point of this issue is that anyone can come along here and work the boards and PM information that should never be divulged without prior consent. The argument, of course, is that the information is there for anyone to find and all we do is piece it together.
Perhaps we should ask ourselves if we should be doing that.

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby

Ice ~ Ice ~ Baby Report 12 Jul 2011 14:34


How nice to see genes also saw the good your thread was doing as it just a warning as what can happen

So i am very please to switch on for a few minutes to see your postings have been re instated

I quite agree with you Astra in the fact their are two sides to every story and yes most people have a genuine reason for looking

But i also think this thread also shows what can happen when not all the facts are known

This points out what heartache it could have caused ..

May be helpers should may be take a minute and think why are they no longer in touch

Or may be ask the poster on the thread before giving information in the hope of protecting everyone

As sadly unless you know the poster personally their is no way of finding out what has caused the people not to be contact

But more importantly what heartache could possibly be caused by giving out information that could lead to someone being contacted when they did not want to be contacted/ found for what ever reason


Rambling Report 12 Jul 2011 20:10


And READ the advice given by GR, and their T & C's.

Be considerate of the rights of the person you are looking for as well as your own needs.


Persephone Report 12 Jul 2011 22:18

I think :-S

this thread should be at the top of the Finding Relatives board...

so will nudge when I am around.

Thanks Chrissie...



Persephone Report 13 Jul 2011 04:14

Blimmin heck, the first post was here when I nudged it earlier and now it has gone again..

Chrissie with the Madonna statue.. I am absolutely perplexed. I read your first post earlier and for the life of me cannot find anything in it that would offend anyone. :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S How many of these do I need to be mystified.... also am miffed :-(.... It was so good it deserved to be at the top of the page at all times.



jax Report 13 Jul 2011 04:36

I cant see what the reporter of this post is getting out of this?

If it does get deleted, which I doubt it will...another can be started anyway, its just so annoying that someone would do this for no good reason.



Flick Report 13 Jul 2011 09:05

I rather think this has been referred by the person whose request prompted its posting......her little bit of 'revenge'.