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Reading, Berkshire in 1988

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Frances Report 30 Aug 2013 04:57

If the place and dates mean something to you and you were brought up without knowing your father, I might be the person you're looking for. I just have this feeling that someone out there is looking for my family whom they have never known.


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 30 Aug 2013 11:25

Hi Frances - it's obvious that you are trying to be tactful, but without more information, the scenario could apply to many people.

If you have a feeling that you or a male relative fathered a child, look for births where the child's surname is the same as the mother's maiden name. That presumes that she wasn't married! Unfortunately Freebmd will not go that far; you'll need to access pay to view/subscription records on GR, Findmypast or Ancestry.

You could try Friendsreunited which has residential, school and workplace sections, and see if you can find any old friends, or friends of friends who moved in the same circles as you (or the person who might have fathered the child)


Frances Report 30 Aug 2013 22:53

Thanks, detective. It is a male relative who may have fathered a child. I am female. It is just a hunch so I am not really looking too hard. I do not mind paying at all, but I just dont think I have enough information or skills (computer or genealogy skills) to have any degree of success. Also, even the above information may be misleading. For example the place may not be right. I just wanted to put this up just in case an old friend of the family can help. I think it is better if I do not look, at least not till I understand how things work round here.


ErikaH Report 31 Aug 2013 09:04

Does the male relative remember the name of the woman with whom he thinks he fathered a child?

Was he told by the woman that a child had been born?


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 31 Aug 2013 09:46

Frances – sorry about applying the wrong gender. Blame it on having spent too much time reading parish records when spelling wasn’t ‘fixed’. :-D

Apart from the suggests above, without your relative’s name posted on an open board, it won’t be picked up by possible offspring on an internet search.

If you were to add him (with his permission) to your tree on here, if any one came looking for him, contact might be made through you. Just make sure that you notify GR of any change of email address. Even as a non subscribing member, you can receive and reply to messages sent off board.


Frances Report 31 Aug 2013 12:17

Reggie, this is a really delicate matter, mainly because it involves a lot of problems, like an ex- wife who is living and other circumstances I cannot go into. With this being a world wide web, it is really very public, so I have to be careful. I know the Christian name but not surname of the one who may be (only a possibility) had a child.

DetEctive, you do not have to apologize. :-D I have already put his name on my family tree as he has passed away. And I am a subscribed member now. ;-)

Thanks all for the help!!!


ErikaH Report 1 Sep 2013 08:19

I'd deduced that it was 'delicate'

I wasn't asking you to post the info..............only whether it was known.

I am fully aware of the public nature of this insecure site, and the web in general.

I would suggest that your best course of action is to add your details to the national adoption contact register, mentioning the name of your deceased male relative.......................if there ever was a child, and it was adopted, he/she may have done the same - assuming there is any wish by him/her to know birth relatives.


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 1 Sep 2013 11:20 is another site you might be willing to use. Of course, it does mean that you'd have to put his name on the net.

Have you found his birth reg on Freebmd? Consider adding a post'em with a dedicated email address such as or


Frances Report 1 Sep 2013 11:28

Thanks very much Reggie. The national adoption contact register, which I had never heard of (excuse my ignorance) sounds like a great idea, if I can get on to that.


Frances Report 1 Sep 2013 11:30

DetEctive, thanks for all your help, too. I am kind of groping in the dark, as I am such a beginner on this board.


patchem Report 1 Sep 2013 12:49

Have you read the guidance and links at the top of this board. Very basic, but should get you started.

'Getting in touch with living relatives can be a joyous occasion, but in order that you are prepared for any outcome please see our guide here. '


Frances Report 1 Sep 2013 22:58

Thanks, Pat. I will take a look.