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Looking for long lost parent...

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


samantha Report 11 Dec 2018 23:06

Hi all, I am writing this on behalf of my mum, upon losing her mum back in 2013, my mum found out that the person she called her dad actually wasn't which was a big shock.. From what we can make out is that my mums eldest brother(2 years older) and my mum had actually been adopted by her 'dad' in 1972, which was the year that her mum and 'dad' got married.
Now my mum doesn't have a birth certificate and none of the family is actually telling us anything! I really don't know where to even begin... do I need to find a birth certificate may that have her real dads name on?
This is my first post to anything like this, so I'm sorry if I've missed any information needed!
Please I hope someone can help, this has gone on far to long now!!


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 12 Dec 2018 00:10

Welcome to the boards, Samantha.

Can we get this straight? Your mum is the biological daughter of her mother, but the adopted daughter of her 'father'. If this is the case, presumably only her surname has been changed.

Probably the best place to start would be to see if you can find your mum's original birth certificate registration. Normally we'd suggest using but the transcriptions only go up to about the mid 1960s.

If she was born after then, you'll have to look at one of the pay to view sites. In either case, search with her forenames and her biological mother's maiden name in the appropriate section. As you'll know the general area where she was born, you'll be able to filter out irrelevant results.

Results are arranged in Quarters.

Jan - Mar

Bear in mind that's when the birth was registered, not when she was born. Someone born in Dec could have their birth registered in Jan of the following year. There's a 6 week window to register a birth.

If your grandmother was unmarried, you'll probably find that the 'fathers surname' is the same as her own surname. If that occurs, the biological father's name won't be on the certificate.

The place to order a copy is from
& will cost £9.25

A different route is for your mother to apply to view her adoption file. If her biological father was alive & acknowledged paternity, or she was his widow, he would probably be named.
In the first instance, she should approach the Social Services where the adoption took place.
Guidance is given here

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 12 Dec 2018 06:29

You would know grandma surname from when she married in 1972 so you can look for births using that surname

Your mum will know her birth year that doesn't alter by being adopted

If you need any help finding it the message me by clicking on my name and sending a message

Give all the details you know

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 12 Dec 2018 07:37

Another situation could be that the children were in fact the children of their 'Dad', but had been registered in their mother's surname.

To become the legally recognised children of their father perhaps the couple adopted their own children, once they got married.


samantha Report 12 Dec 2018 07:49

Didn't think anyone would get in touch about this, thank you for your responses!

I have tried finding my mums birth certificate we have even ordered one from East Riding of Yorkshire and they've rung with no such luck as we know her surname which she has taken her whole life is not the surname which she was born with and so registered with, we have also tried with her mothers maiden name and I can find a record on here but obviously that gives no information about the father just mothers maiden name..
From what my mum found out her and her eldest brothers father worked on a carnival someplace in hull, he then however was violent and was actually sent to jail for a short time, in which my gran had got away and married the man who adopted my mother and her brother..
I've found records on here, but I need to go into them further?

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 12 Dec 2018 08:11

If the children's birth parents weren't married and the children registered with their mother's surname, it may be that their birth certificates give no mention of their birth father. Sometimes births are indexed with the 2 surnames if the father was present at the registration. There will only be the one same certificate though.

For buying a certificate, you have the advantage of knowing the actual birth, so this could make sure that you have the correct one.

I think your best way forward would be to gain access to the adoption file.

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 12 Dec 2018 08:32

It may be the fathers name won't be on the certs so you won't find his name

However your mum is entitled to her adoption file . She has to apply for it

It may give more details


samantha Report 12 Dec 2018 08:44

Ok, I have been in touch with East Riding again, with the updated details, have ordered a birth certificate so fingers crossed we get something, my mum has never had a birth certificate (her mum may of but was never given to my mum).

As for an adoption paper, i shall have a look in to that thank you!


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 12 Dec 2018 08:48

I agree with Gwyn. Your mother should apply for her adoption file. It sounds as if you’ve a good idea who her biological father is, but want confirmation.
Only the adoptee can make the application.

Does her eldest brother have both the same birth parents? Have you looked for his birth registration? Being the first born, and a male, could the biological father have been proud enough to acknowledge paternity?


samantha Report 12 Dec 2018 09:03

Just applied for an adoption paper, if they find anything should be here tomorrow!

Again I've found her brother on here, he was actually born someplace else, and I don't think he ever got his birth certificate either, and it's something that has gone on too long I don't think he actually wants to know anymore about it really!
It's hard as they're not a close family, we live Shropshire and there in Cumbria and others in Scotland so it's Abit spred out and since all this has come out no one has really had contact with my mum


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 12 Dec 2018 09:48

Hope you and your mum can get some answers. It sounds as if you are both prepared for a few shocks. <3


Dame*Shelly*("\(*o*)/") Report 18 Dec 2018 23:21

also bear in mind that birth cert may have a spelling erra

for instance when i first started my tree and looking up my dad he came up as mother maden name as barter and i could not find his mum any were till i then looked up some of his brothers and then fant out his mum maden name was barber


samantha Report 19 Dec 2018 08:02

Just an update, received a birth certificate and adoption certificate for my mum, shows nothing of a fathers name! We are now attempting to get a birth certificate for my mums older brother, so hopefully something shows on there.. if not I'm stumped ??

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 19 Dec 2018 08:05

If mums brothers cert is listed the same hers then no father will be named on it

The GRO index will confirm that for you so you don't need to buy the cert

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 19 Dec 2018 08:07

Your mum shouid apply for her actual adoption file .this may give more details about the adoption

An adoption certificate isn't the same as having the actual adoption file with all its info

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 19 Dec 2018 09:54

I agree with Shirley.

The adoption certificate is just that. Your mother may be encouraged to talk things through with a counsellor, but the actual adoption file is where any information will be.
Her file could quite likely mention her brother, if they have the same parents.