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Nigel's RR'd post.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


HeyJudeB4Beatles Report 10 Mar 2013 17:01

Gins...Na Na Na Naa Naa Naaaaa, ooo! the only team in Yorkshire is already in Championship...though the Blades looking good to join them :-)


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 17:01

Hi Patchem,

I suppose I tend to think back to when I was a newbie on here. I was a complete noodlehead, with no knowledge of how to do research and my computer skills left a lot to be desired.

Actually, I only discovered the boards about 4 years after I joined in 2003 and, such was my ignorance, I didn't think to check how it all worked, I just posted a query.

After I posted my first query, I sat watching the boards move and simply could not figure out what was going on. Why, for example, did a message suddenly appear that had over 3,000 replies? How could someone receive 3,000 answers when I hadn't had any??

I would leave it for a while and then come back try to find where my message had gone. I would scroll frantically through the boards trying to find it.

When I finally received some replies, I was overwhelmed! How on earth did these people find all this information?

I was also guilty of forgetting to reply a couple of times because I was so excited with the results.

And then.....

I got told off because I didn't give the full information on the person I was asking about. It was an honest mistake as I was still learning and I truly didn't intend to cause problems. I can still remember how my stomach churned, I was SO upset. :-(

That thread still languishes in My Threads. It serves as a reminder to me that I was once a newbie who had made a mistake and been spoken to in an abrupt and critical way which had caused me distress. It's something I would never purposely wish to do to anyone else and I sure hope I never have .


Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 16:30

there's only ONE team in Yorkshire you know

I missed that Jude...and of course I know there is only one team in Yorkshire...MINE!


Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 16:26

Curt: Rudely brief or abrupt

Courtesy: The showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others

Poles apart

Good luck with the rabbit


patchem Report 10 Mar 2013 15:57

The poster(Nigel) has not opened the message I sent him.
(So the rr'ing person would perhaps claim that that is why they rr not try to contact the poster.)
So Nigel may be blissfully unaware that it has disappeared and that we are having a long conversation that started about the use of rr'ing people but moved on.
As a defence of abrupt helpers, and I know that I am one because I hate typing, I would not dream of posting a request on a new site until I had watched and saw how that site worked. I would not just throw in a question and run.
So my request would say where I had looked or how I had got to that person. And I would check back in within the hour.
Lots do not.
Helpers get frustrated.
I appreciate that good manners are from example but I, personally, do not mind answering quick-fire/staccato questions - I enjoyed answering multiplication numbers as a child. The essence is what is needed, unfortunately, which is name, rank, number.
I do not understand the curt/courtesy example, surely neither is rude?
And this has probably taken me a good quarter of an hour to write.

I am now off to wash a rabbit who is getting too old to keep himself clean (and does not belong to me). I think I have got Mother's Day the wrong way round.


Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 14:50

Hang on a cotton pickin minute................catches breath and scrambles up from the floor

Is that Cyns 'agreeing' with me :-0

Im going to c/p this and have it framed ;-)


HeyJudeB4Beatles Report 10 Mar 2013 14:48

Cyn - ever though of going into the diplomatic service? :-)

Gins - there's only ONE team in Yorkshire you know :-)

I put my first ever post on the wrong board :-(

And in the early days, some replies nearly made me take cover and disappear somewhere far away from the boards :-)


Potty Report 10 Mar 2013 14:24

Ah, thanks Cyn! <3


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 14:03

Potty and Det - I totally agree with Gins.......neither of you are ever rude or abrupt, you don't come anywhere close! Please don't change your ways, we love you as you are..... :-D

Tenerife Sun

Tenerife Sun Report 10 Mar 2013 12:53

I used to feel very sorry for new posters when I read some of the responses they received when asking for help. I imagined the poster never venturing back on the boards. Now, quite often, I ask the person who, in my opinion, was rude or over abrupt if their harsh comments were really necessary. Sometimes I can see no reason for such bad manners and think to myself if you can't think of a better way of saying things it would be better if you didn't respond at all.

I have on more than one occasion had a pm from new members thanking me for my help and stating that they won't use the boards again. I always tell them that there are so many good researchers on the boards who are happy to help in a courteous way that they should return to the boards whenever they need and just ignore the rude minority.


Potty Report 10 Mar 2013 11:12

Thanks, Gins


Gai Report 10 Mar 2013 10:55

I had one of my Facebook posts misinterpreted yesterday which a friend
took the wrong way.

I asked the family and they could see the sarcasm in the post but this friend
didn't. It took a couple of pm's and an apology but don't think it help.



Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 10:40

Things can be misinterpreted on a post, with a lack on non verbal language

..........but Potty/Det

You are not rude or abrupt, never :-)


Astra Report 10 Mar 2013 10:29

Cynthia you are more than welcome to re-phrase.

As you show it is so easy to word things in a more friendly manner.

I've said it before. I really don't know where we would be without your kindness and guidance for the newbies.



+++DetEcTive+++ Report 10 Mar 2013 10:29

Same here - and at the time, I was trying to be tactful :-0


Potty Report 10 Mar 2013 10:23

Oh dear, reading some of the responses, I think that I have sometimes been a bit abrupt with people. Will try harder.


Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 10:09

I have to ask............OllietheOwl

Is your name a ref to a football club?

Just being nosey ;-)

Up The Blades!


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 10:01

Oh yes......and I am still pm'ing all new members to let them know that they have replies. ;-)


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 10:00

Thank you for all the responses - I do seem to have hit a nerve with several members.

Thank you for those observations Astra, and I do hope you don't mind if I give an example of how easy it is to re-phrase them in a friendly manner.... :-D

Where have you looked?
+Please tell us where you have looked so that we don't duplicate your efforts. Thank you.

What have you done for yourself?
+Just wondered if you have managed to do some research on this subject. If so, it would be really helpful if you could tell us what you have found. Thank you.

Try FreeBMD.
+You may not have heard of Freebmd, if not, do please try it, it is very useful site indeed and one we all use. Here is the link:

In fact, if you click on the Genealogy Chat board on here, you will find lots of useful information and guidance.

Duplicates are not allowed.
+ Hi, just to say that posting the same thing twice actually complicates matter. The researchers look at all of the boards and will spot your thread. If you could please delete one, that would be really helpful. Thank you.

Okay - those responses will take more time but, we are supposed to be holding a welcoming conversation with the newcomer, not grilling them under torture with staccato questions! Name? Rank? Number? :-D


Michelle Report 10 Mar 2013 09:39

Despite the underlying reason for this thread ... what a lovely discussion :D

I subscribe to Genes purely for the Message Boards (otherwise I use Ancestry) ... everyone is always so welcoming, helpful and can unearth (in what seems to be seconds) information I've been scrambling around for for weeks/months

A lot of the help and advice I've received has been from individuals on this particular thread ... so I'd like to take the opportunity to say a BIG THANK YOU once again for all your help, it's very much appreciated

Kind regards,